It has bee a hard 2 years after finding out about Ea and now WW decides she can not continue with the M. Anyway to cut a long story short we are trying to come up with a settlement.. not easy I can tell you!!!! As I am sure you know.
W wants the following.
1. Divorce(she loves me but not in that way)
2. Wants custody of two kids (7 and 5)
3. Wants the house(fully paid for by my family) to be 50-50 but she will stay in it as long as she wants and does not want it to be sold.( so I get 50% of nothing theoretically)
4. Wants to sell the car(50-50)
What I want.
1. No divorce!!
2. If there is a d then I have no problem letting her stay in the house with the kids until such a time as they have grown up but then I feel the house should be sold.
When I mentioned the house being sold at a later date(15-20 years) she went off calling me a selfish money minded man who she is glad she is now divorcing.WOW!! She also added that I was threatening her long term future by asking to sell the house and that I did not need the money because I will inherit x amount of money and she will get nothing later on.. double WOW..
I have pleaded for no D but she is determined.. pls as much advice as possible.. thanks..

Are you sure it is only EA and not PA? Generally affairs don't last very long. Especially if the thrill of sneaking around and taking someone else's spouse is gone and reality sets in. Dr Harley recommends exposure as one of the ways to break up the adulterous relationship.

Has she already consulted a lawyer or is she talking out of her fubbled brain? It might be what she is entitled to, but she has no case against you. Since you don't want the D, you can take your time till the A dies a natural death. Or you can speed up its death by poking fire with OM's family and workplace.

First of all, read all the material on this website. Your wife saying "I love you but not in that way" is just another way of phrasing "I love you but I'm not in love with you" - CLASSIC sign of an A. Since you do not want a divorce, I strongly suggest that you read up on Plan A/B and get to work. Order the book "Surviving an Affair".

Now on the legal front, most jurisdictions split everything 50/50. In some places, you can split it differently so long as you both agree. The way houses are split is either they are sold and you split the money, or one person buys the other out of her share. If you do end up on the path do divorce, I would not recommend keeping your name on the house while she lives in it - that's asking for a whole lot of trouble. When she misses a mortgage payment, do you think the bank is going to care that you don't actually live in the house? Nope - they'll come after you if she doesn't have the money. Even if she has her OM living in there with her, you'll end up supporting the both of them.

If she wants the house, she will need to renegotiate a mortgage in her name only and pay you your share. The fact that she actually thinks you will continue being responsible for a house you no longer live in just screams of WW fog!!!

Again, read everything on this sight. Uncover your WW's affair - because she's most certainly having one. Read, learn and execute plan A and if necessary plan B. But protect yourself at the same time.

Just to share my situation: the apartment we lived in was in both our names and I took a mortgage from the company I was working with. Mortgage repayments were through salary deduction, and he never contributed in any way to the mortgage or upkeep of the apartment. When unrepentent wh left, I refuse to give him 50% of the apartment.
The lawyer's advise was, pay him $1 for his 50%, which I did.

gooner, if you don't want the D, you have to be strong and ride this out. It will not be easy, but I have seen a couple of reformed wayward spouses here who wanted to save their marriages! And yes, read Harley's articles.

gooner

Just wanted to ask a question about the house. You said it was paid for by your family. Did they own it before you married her? If so, it may not be considered part of the community property. If you "brought" it to the M, then it's yours in a community property state.

Even though you don't want a D, you might want to meet with a lawyer to find out where you stand with some of her demands. She may be getting incorrect advice from others.

It might give you a little more "leverage" to cut through her fog speak.

Is the A still going on.. dont know.. she swears no.. re. exposure.. did that 2 years ago to OMW and W's friends...ı think that I am just too tired to go on fighting and she saw a lawyer yesterday as I did to protect myself. No point staying with someone who doesnt want you.. so D is imminent. thanks so much 4 your comments

Who's name is on the deed to the house?

My wife was just as manipulative and greedy and I lost it completely and got NOTHING as she took ALL of the equity out DAYS before she filed for divorce.

You will need a heartless rottweiller of an attorney to demand the sale of the house to recover your equity.

She will have no problem raising the children in an apartment as millions do every day.

I didn't want a divorce either, but it hit me like a freight train and all I had to deflect it with was a whiffle bat.

She wants out, she can leave. Is there a reason why you can't keep the house and the kids?

This is true. It would be considered separate property (except for any improvements made to the home since marriage). She would be entitled to reimbursement for 1/2 of that amount.