Hi there

Stillhurting are still in plan B?Its been 10 days since I reiterated to WH that I wanted to go back to my PBL conditions. I feel this is my final last stand if you know what I mean...
The fact that WH has told me he thinks I'll never be able to forgive him is a big obstacle for him...also coming home he'd be admitting he made a huge mistake..I've tried to tell him recovery is possible using MBers and he has read the concepts...maybe its easier to stay with OP than battle through recovery?

Waiting for the affair to end still makes me feel like I'll be 2nd option to him in the end..if he comes back..

I would like to know from FWS what their turning points were that made them come home..

Hope,

No I guess you could call me a plab B dropout. I wasn't very successful at it. My heart and mind haven't been in sync for a while.

I still have some contact with ExWH (boy it's hard to write that). The divorce isn't quite final it only needs the judges signiture (sp?) and 21 days after that. I still love him and he knows that. We had some pretty meaningful conversations hours prior to our court date. He is being extremely nice to me whenever we do have contact. It may be a ploy on his part... I don't know. I guess you could say I'm plan Aing him with the contact we do have. I'm working on me again. Trying not to focus on him so much.
I am working in some of things we talked about that frustrated him with me. I am not the greastest housekeeper. You could say I hate housework. And finacially he always felt he had the whole burden. Well at 46 I'm going to finally learn to balance a checkbook.
I have forgiven my H, I wrote him a letter and taped it to his door on Christmas eve. I posted it on my thread if you would like to read it. It shouldn't be that far back. My thread is Still...my road to healing.

I know what you mean about them taking the easier route with OP... my wh told me he has done to much damage.

Still

On Friday I was feeling down and was making myself a cup of tea when I had an urge to watch one of the christian channels,something I never do, always flick passed them,I couldn't believe it...Stormie Omartien was been interviewed about her new book.....I have POPW and I have prayed every day for WH for 3months now..and I was feeling like giving up..that was a sign for me to continue..it was so weird the programme had just started too!!Another blessing from GOD..

This morning I work up with a sense of peace that I haven't had since this all began...I spring-cleaned my house,something that was long overdue...I feel like I've spring-cleaned my mind of fears and worries about my life too.

I know whatever happens I'll be ok..God will always take care of me..

I will continue to pray for WH and my marriage without the anguish and fear..I now know that God is definitely with me and HE will take control of WH...his not my worry anymore(WH is drinking a LOT say kids and SIL ...)

I hope I continue to feel this peace in my heart as the last 13 months have been so mentally draining..

I can truely move forward and concentrate on me and my boys..Skinsgal I get it now !!

Going to make myself a cuppa,read my bible and go to bed..
Its midnight here..
This site has been a real lifesaver for me...

keep the faith, hopenpray.

How would you answer to a WS saying"I know you ,you will never be able to get over this(the affair) ever.

Is it another way for the WS to "blame" us for not being able to come back?

Look it at how far G-d has brought you and will continue to bring you.

Remember this walk, there will be others after you who will need this inspiration of strength, faith and hope to pick up and walk each day with G-d, allowing those blessings he has planned for you to happen.

You are doing amazing....

I would ask Orchid for some reverse babble answers regarding this. Mine isn't very good at all.

I'm thinking about you.....

Today I visited one of my closest friends.Her kids are the same age as mine and she is 50yrs old.Her husband died of prostrate cancer 6 months ago.We were discussing how we felt and still feel about our losses.She said my loss is worse than hers..although we have the same trials to face..responsibilities with kids,house etc..

We are going to see the play "Shirley valentine" on valentines day so we don't get all morbid and unhappy!!Its strange that we have been friends for 20 yrs now and we went through similar tragities around the same time..

I would love to show WH Dr.Harleys video as he says at the end spouses DO get over the affair..WH said I never will be able to ..

Tell hubby that millions of people get over affairs and move on to happy marriages. It's not rocket science, but having a plan and following it.

Believer thanks,I think WH justifies to himself another reason to stay with OP....I will prevent us recovering!!!

NOTHING is ever his wrong doing..he still blames me...I think he has to otherwise he will have to face REALITY and what his done and I don't think he could cope with that!!

Going to bed now (11.30pm)work tomorrow yuck!!

I've had a few peaceful days,God is working wonders in me.I'm feeling more relaxed and not so worried about WH anymore although I still think about him..

DS17 left his cellphone at WH's last weekend.We've been having some really bad mountain fires all round my area lately which have flared out of control cos of strong winds.
WH couldn't get through the roads near our house as the fire had jumped the road and firefighters stopped traffic in and out our town.we were basically cut off.The fire wasn't too close to our house but its still a worry.We have these fires nearly every year in summer..
Anyway WH phoned DS17 to say we must phone him if it gets worse...He phoned again 2 hours later all concerned...Well I was so pissed off!!trying to be the good father/husband when it suits him!!
I had decided there was no way I'd allow him near our house he must get it in his thick skull he doesn't belong!!
Just needed to vent..this plan B is going to be so easy for me to do!!
This afternoon he came to drop off phone.I locked the front door in case he tried to just walk in..He parked his car round the corner cos OW was in the car..
He chatted to DS17 outside for 5mins then left.DS15 just said hi and walked back inside.
Later DS17 found out from OP's son via text message that WH and OP are going away for the weekend...her XH is back from the UK so he can have her kids alternate weekends again..
Their fisrt weekend free in a year..It didn't upset me at all..Early valentines day!!!

WH had promised to take my boys away alone without OP and clan 2 weeks ago.this was after he'd had a heated fight with DS15 who hadn't been to his place for 8 weeks cos he said WH doesn't spend time with him when his there.and he drinks too much.WH said "your mothers puts things in your head!! I've only had 7 glasses of wine:..DS15 replied exactly you're drunk!!I'm not ever there to see him drink..FOG..
Found out later it was DS17 who suggested going away alone!!
Well when DS15 heard WH went away he said AND HE CAN'T TAKE US AWAY!!He is digging a pit for himself that he wont be able to climb out of.
Only 1 of our mutual friends told WH he wasn't taking sides and he has visited WH a few times..now he has given up on him too cos WH never recipricates or phones him..WH is cutting all ties.
Such a shame that a wonderful father and friend can ruin in a few months what he had built up in 15 years!!

Apparently WH and OP didn't go away for the weekend after all.Alls quiet and peaceful still...haven't heard from my lawyer yet...she was going to get some info from WH's lawyer ..it will be a month on 17th since I saw her..I'm not in a hurry for this divorce so I'm not going to pester her although family and friends say I should.

I really don't think WH will change his mind and come home.13 months is a long time to be seperated..knowing his personality he will make the best of the situation he has got himself into..I don't think he will reach rock bottom as people say on this board..how common is that?

I still find myself constantly thinking about him which I hate..bet he doesn't think about us anymore..
Anyway tomorrows another day...

Hope,

From what I know, and it's LIMITED, part of being in Plan B is being OUT OF the CRAZINESS. How come you are still getting this information. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am so there with you wanting answers as to the future. We don't get that. We don't know what will happen, we only get to walk in our part and leave the outcome to G-d and trust him that what he is planning for us is better than we could ever imagine.

BrambleRose was in Plan B for I think 18 months and her M is in recovery. We just simply don't know. Are you praying to G-d for guidance on each step? I don't always, but I surely try, especially now.

My heart still breaks daily, I miss him so much, but he is the one losing out. At least during my strong moments. Your WH is missing out on you. Remember, you can't control what he does or doens't do, only you.

What are you doing to take care of yourself? How are you rebuilding your life, for you?

I have wonderful friends and family who are very supportive.I find I am moving on but when things are going great I think if only WH was home everything would be perfect!!
I took DS17 for a 6 monthly checkup with the orthopedic surgeon today..injuries were caused by motorbike accident due to drunk driver 11/2 years ago...all looking well...WH couldn't forgive himself for buying the bike which I think lead to affair in the first place..he couldn't handle seeing DS17 in pain every day for 6 months...DS17 will never be able to play sport or run again as he has ankle and feet disabilities now...

The kids tell me info about WH unintentionaly so its hard not to know about his life...will try harder!!!
rejoiceministries.com is really helping me to stay focused as well....this is really a slow uphill battle...

Skins you seem to be doing great with your new house and alL!!GOOD FOR YOU..
Do you have the thread for brambleroses story..I would like to read it...

Yesterday was hard..wanted to text WH but knew it would serve no purpose..
Myself and 3 girlfriends went out for dinner and saw a play at the theatre!!was great fun,it was "Shirley Valentine".
WH phoned the kids and DS15 told him I'd gone out for dinner..thats all..who cares what he thinks!!

Anyway I have no idea whats going on in WH's mind or his life..kids are going to him this weekend although DS15 is only going on Saturday..I will not ask any questions when they come home on Sunday!!Its sooo tempting..

I just wish WH hadn't filed for divorce ..

Still staying dark...WH hasn't tried to contact me either.WH sister told me her mom is worried about him she only has contact by phone with him.

My XBIL came by my work the other day and he says WH isn't happy that I won't let him in the house.Xbil asked WH "so are you and BS over now?"WH replied hesitantly"yes I suppose so"XBIL was confused..He said WH needs me in his life as his drinking is out of hand..I told him his not my problem anymore.I let XBIL think that I had been on a few dates and was moving on...I know it will get back to WH...

XBIL said that WH had been keeping OP guesing too..saying he wasn't sure what he wanted to do!!SUCH ENTITLEMENT!!

The house may be put on hold not sure yet. But that's ok. Because I realized today that it's not where I am living that makes it a home, it's how I treat it. I did some major cleaning and was getting ideas on how to have some flowers for the summer. I have completely turned this over to G-d.

I will try and find it for you. She is amazing. Her strength is something I really admire.

Isn't one of the reasons for Plan B to get ourselves out of the drama. Which means you don't want to know what is going on with WH.

I believe in your Hope, I truly do. You are doing awesome. Keep posting on here during the hard times, cry and talk to G-d. It doesn't always help, but this too shall pass.

I absolutely hate with the sadness and stinkin thinkin take over. I haven't figured out how to combat it quite yet, but then I have good days and I really am grateful to G-f for those.

I'm sure you're nervous about giving your WH the PBL,it is the best thing really!!Now that I know my WH has been silently fence-sitting(keeping OP wondering too!)its nice to know that his life is not as hunky dorey as I had thought!!

I am getting stronger due to not seeing him..1 month now...I know me not allowing him in the house is upsetting him and he won't like me excluding him from our lives,but that is the REALITY of what it will be like when we're divorced.Has to be for MY sanity.

He likes to say I'm controling but his controling pyschologically..
I'm scared to phone my lawyer on Monday cos no news is good news but its been a month and I don't know whats going on...she said she would contact me before she sends any paperwork to WH's lawyer...she was waiting for info from WH.maybe his stalling...

A friend told me about the following situation with a friend of hers.2 couples were friends and 2 of them have been having an affair for a while the guy is 55 and the woman 40 with 2 small kids 2 and 7.The guys kids are in college.Anyway the WH drew up papers and went to his wife to get her to sign them and after a discussion he is now thinking what to do!!The OW,40yr old,is devastated as she has left her husband.The WH is concerned cos of their age difference!the affair has been on going for a year already and now his concerned!!
After talking to the OW he said he wanted to be with her so she told him to tell his wife..he said he would E-MAIL her!!
These men are all the same...apparently he doesn't like her kids either..no patience...Once reality sets in the affair really does crumble!!!!