Does reality always set in.

Mine has been living with her for 9 months and they are going strong. In the last month they have been working on building trust, honesty and openness.

He leaves his job because he got a better opportunity and potentially more money.

He's happy and life is awesome for him.

Me, I just plain hurt inside.

Queenie.....

They cannot build on TRUST, HONEST AND OPENNESS when their R started on DISTRUST, DISHONESTY AND SECRECY. You know this....it is all part of their fogged-out Aland.....keep your chin up honey.....

His world being perfect and great is his perception, not yours....

this is why you need your Plan B....

YOU ....FOCUS ON YOU......

(((QUEENIE))))

not2fun

ps....Lun..sorry about the T/J....just wanted to get Queenie out of her stinkin thinkin and refocus... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Queenie your mind frame is just like mine was at the beginning of planB I started doubting wether the affair was built on fantasy,we just have to trust that these plans work.The scariest part is that WE HAVE NO CONTROL!
God will show you in subtle ways you are on the right track in your life and thats what counts.When my EXBIL popped in at my work in the afternoon(I only work 1 afternoon a week which changes weekly otherwise mornings only)I thought it was a coincidence but from our chat about WH some of the questions on my mind had been answered....also EXBIL has never visited me at work before!!That day I'd asked God to send me a sign regarding WH..he did just that!!

I read somewhere that God will act when we are ready so
wait on Him patiently and put your trust in Him....
We must not doubt that God is with us I sometimes feel ashamed that I ask God for signs that he is near!!!

My problem at the moment is that I tend to repeat the bad stuff that I hear about WH eg.his drinking..to friends and I know thats not christianly of me.

hopenpray,

In regards to your post on Queenies thread.

It took my H a good 6 months to realize that the changes I had made were permanent, probably around a year before he truely believed it. He said many times in that year that I hadn't really changed, but in time he saw it WAS true. LOL. I never reacted to those accusations, not healthy for me, us or the relationship.

Just keep up those permanent changes. It will benefit you, come what may, you have become a better person out of this and these changes a good.

Time will show your WS that you have changed for the better.

You are WORTHY, young lady, don't forget that.

Prayers your way!

Love in Christ,
Miss M <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Hope,

Wanted to check in and say hi and let you know I am thinking about you. I bet you are sleeping, but I hope it's a peaceful and restless night. Sweet dreams friend.

Talk to you soon, hopefully

Miss M thanks for the reply,I've learnt now never to assume anything with a WS!!I've thought all these months WH and OP were 100% but now know he was keeping her dangling as he was me!!How selfish of him to live with OP and openly admit his unsure what he wants to do..go home or stay with her...
Wheres the love??

Queenie thanks for your kind words and support.will speak to you soon

Good to see you. Yes, let's hook up soon.

I love to see how strong you are becoming.

I'm not that strong Queenie.I just refuse to spiral out of control emotionally like I did at the start of this nightmare.I won't let WH have that affect on me.It's an uphill battle that gets easier daily with Gods help.

The saddest part of this betrayal for me is that WH has no idea of the pain and heartache he has caused me..I could not be happy with someone else KNOWING what I was doing to to the other person.How do they live with themselves!!

Anyway hopefully their bubble will burst and reality will set in..I wish WH could feel my pain for just one day so he would understand where I'm coming from.Talk about going through REAL suffering and then having to FORGIVE them...a true test of our Christianly duty....

I try not to think of "how could he do this to me" cos then I have a "PITY PARTY"!!

The strange thing is WH always worried I'd have an affair although I never gave him reason to think I would.His mom had an affair and left his dad when he was 18..same age as my eldest son..ironic don't you think?He use to have dreams about me having affairs and wake up in the morning in a cold sweat!!we us to laugh about it...
Now you can understand why his mom is supporting him...says we all walk our own path yada,yada...
Its always the people you least expect who will surprise you the most...
I haven't heard from my lawyer and its been 5 weeks since I saw her..no news is good news right?I'm just stalling I know!!Maybe God has a hand in this?

My Gran had this poem and handed it down to my Mom.I saw it on my Moms bedroom wall a while ago and I copied it down..I always knew it was there but never needed it till now!!
BE BRAVE AND HOLD ON:

When life is in ruins and prayer seems in vain,
When fate deals a blow that you cannot explain,
When things look their worst and no gold gilds the grey,Something will happen-God works in this way,
Something will happen-Invincible Hands move in
Silence and do His Commands.
Thus prayers are answered though dark be the day,
Something will happen-if trusting you pray.

Do not lose faith when the big moments come,
Though 'neath the blow you are broken and numb,
God intervenes when the last hope has gone,
Something will happen-
BE BRAVE AND HOLD ON.

Well I just blew my dark plan .WH came to fetch kids and I had to discuss a medical bill with him.I bought up our R and WH got all defensive and saying he tried to make marriage work... its my fault it fell apart....told me his never coming home.He protects OP denying the things she had told his friend who then told me..says they get on so well,understand each other,besides loving each other yuck!! want to start a business together! Says he hasn't been this happy in a long time...Said her EXH hasn't paid maintenance for 4 months..can he not see how desperately she needs him,the boss with lots of money..

Is he still in the fog?He seems so sure of himself and what he wants..its been 14 months now..He wouldn't let me touch him

I am so fustrated that he can't see OP for who she is.He even protected her when HE bought up the incident where a good friend of his had to pull OP aside and tell her to stop blatantly flirting with him.WH twists it and says his friends girlfriend is just silly and jeolous, OP was innocent!!His friend told me himself about this,WH didn't know though.

Anyway it looks like I will be divorced soon and there is nothing I can do to stop it.WH also threw in my face that I told him not to contact me,text or phone me..ITS ALL MY FAULT!!

This is mental torture at its worst...I have to go out now.I would appreciate some help on what to do now?Will be back later

Just got home and still feeling down...I should never have spoken to WH.He also said that our marriage would never be the same..to which I replied..I didn't want it to and it would be better!!

What will make him see her for what she is??
I have a wopping headache and am very tired..its late here 11pm so am going to bed.

Any advice would be appreciated!!

Are you in PLAN B? Yep, you BLEW it BIG TIME !!

So where are you with all of this?

I'm a real STRICT SUPPORTER of THE PLANS!!

Happy birthday Hope,

I hope it's an incredibly good one for you.

{{{{{{Hope}}}}}}}

Thanks Queenie for your wishes,42 today!!
Mimi thanks for replying.Yesterday was awful for me as my lawyer phoned to inform me that WH lawyer wanted to have a "round table"thats when divorce issues are discussed together and settled quickly.I don't have to be in the same room as WH.

So when WH came to fetch the kids for the weekend I was feeling very vunerable and panicky and blew my plan B.Worse thing I could have done!!WH was so defensive and cruel..

I can only go back to my plan B for my own sanity.He DEFINITELY DOESN'T WANT TO COME BACK I know that now.

WH pointed fingers at me for not wanting contact(planB)as if its my fault again!!

WH says he is happy with OP and they get on so well,I think his telling the truth..he seems sincere..

I am still praying for my marriage to recover as only God is capable of that.My faith is strong.Emotionaly I'm feeling very hurt by WH and I'm trying to rise above it.

Mimi what do you suggest I do?

Mimi I just had a thought.

Do you think plan B still has an effect on WH once the divorce is on going?I know the plan is good for my sanity but does it still have an effect on him?

I keep thinking by not saying anything to him I'm not trying to save my marriage even though I know theres very little chance of my words changing his mind.
Basically my mind is in conflict with my heart.Its like I get into panic-mode!!

Hi Hope,

I think you might be sleeping now. Rest well my friend.

Remember Plan B isn't a punishment, unfortunately it's the BS taking the steps to get out of the drama of the A and preserve the love we have left for our WH.

I didn't understand what mind and heart being in sync were. I do now. I'm tired, I've allowed myself to get beaten down and I'm back to not wanting to survive anymore.

You don't know what is going on in his head. They are liars, they are cheaters and there two purposes in life is to get their next fix which is the OW, and hurt us as bad as they can.

I understand that panic-mode. Just be still like Ark says and leave WH to G-d. One thing I truly do know. G-d is working this out, how, we have no clue, but he is. We just have to keep seeking him for guidance on what our next step will be.

Try to focus on the one day at a time or one minute at a time. For today, your WH is coming home. There is something that G-d wants you to do and seek him. I so hear your pain and understand that despair. I'm right here for you, Hope...

{{{{{{{{Hope}}}}}}}}}}

what did you do or are doing for your birthday

Queenie thanks for your support I was doing so well till I broke my planB.My lawyers phonecall also upset me as it makes the divorce a reality.What do you think WW'S lie about?Kids say WH is happy with OP.maybe he is one of the 5%.
I am going to my sisters just now and we'll probably go to movies.I don't want to go drinking with my mental state at the moment!!DS18 is having a party at WH house for his 18th.their house is in a forest so they can play loud music!!I hope WH doesn't ruin it in any way.

I will try to be still...good idea.
Its awful being on this rollercoaster...and having no control.
WH is amazing the way he twists things to show me as the guilty one and his the poor wounded soul.as if I drove him to have an affair.I should know better though.It just hurts that he believes what he says!!!
Can't he see how OP is using him for security and money??

What will cause them to break up, their lives seem so
perfect.

I realised a while ago that WH never says "I don't love you"
but "I don't want to come home"

Happy Birthday Hope! I pray that God blesses you with an extra dose of peace and happiness today!