Thanks Princess for your wishes.I just got back from my sisters.Had a few glasses of wine and watched movies,it took my mind off WH for a while!

WH text me today saying"respect my space as I have respected yours,don't call me or ask me to do anything for you" He is trying to plan B me!!!

I think he is purposefully cutting ties cos of upcoming lawyers meeting.WH didn't even wish me happy birthday,maybe he forgot!!although I doubt it.I've learnt not to expect anything from a wayward!!!

Going to bed now its past 11pm here,I hate this time difference between us....

Feeling better today.Yesterday I spoke to WH when he dropped kids off.I asked how the party went.I said he could have text me happy birthday,jokingly...he replied that I never wished him in July last year for his birthday!!My sister confirmed this with me..said I purposefully didn't wish him!!!can't believe he remembered.

I know I shouldn't have spoken to him but I was concerned cos DS18 had alcohol at his party and I wanted to make sure he hadn't overdone it

This evening I had a phonecall from a girlfriend that I worked with 24 yrs ago!!She looked me up and actually remembered my birthday!! She is married to a minister and said she would keep me in her prayers.She helps people in her church with similar problems...I couldn't help thinking she was sent by God to contact me..

When I spoke to WH I told him I was praying for us and he just sighed.I asked him to think about talking to God about whats happened to us..he said he would..don't know wether he will I can only try?

He said OP's EXH wants her back.I immediately thought shes very clever letting WH know this.

HOPE..I get frustrated by you not following the PLANS.

That's the ONLY HOPE for your situation.

So you gave up on PLAN B?

Now what are you doing, HOPE?

Mimi I am ashamed of myself that I went into panic mode!

I feel so helpless and I don't think anything I do will have an effect on WH.I do realise plan B is for me and my sanity so I will stick to it.
WH said at our last talk that he doesn't know why I'm getting upset about divorce cos we're just making it LEGAL.
WH also insinuated that things can change in the future.When I asked him if he was going to marry OP he got angry and said its none of my business!!

He seems so sure of what he wants although I was surprised when I found out from my EXBIL that WH had been keeping OP guessing too!!

I go on www.rejoiceministries site and they say that I must let WH know that I am standing for my marriage and that I must be loving and nice to WH.I know thats the Christian thing to do and I am a bit confused what to do.
What do you think Mimi?You are experienced at this..
How long was your WH apart from you during your nightmare?
My WH has been with OP 14 months now.He gives me the impression that too much has happened for him to come home besides the fact that they are soulmates!!

Is there ANYTHING that you can suggest that will have an impact on him?Do you really think that his still addicted,surely the infatuation has turned to love by now?
Did you WH say it felt like an addiction?

Mimi you are so right about sticking to the plans.When I was in a strict plan B,which lasted 5 weeks,he only tried to contact me 3 times on my cellphone,which I never answered.He didn't behave like it bothered him.Its so hard to figure him out.I think he is truely happy with OP cos he said they work,live and sleep together and they get on great.She has even started playing golf!!with him.

OP comes from a lower standard of living as her EXH was always in debt and I think she's stroking his ego while she gets her hands on his lifestyle and money!!WH told me his money might be a small part of her staying with him.I just laughed!!

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT... Did you make a mistake, YES or PROBABLY, but just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and figure out how to now have it happen again. But don't you feel shame for this.


You must have gotten the same email that I got and I can completely understand where this is coming from. I even was talking to G-d about it this morning.

What I realized is that, G-d knows I am standing for my M, and that's all who needs to know. Our WH's are lost, they are sick and dangerous to us. As BS's we are not completely at a place in our life where we are capable of hearing what they say and having it go in the GARBAGE file. We take it in because we are hurting so deeply. That is NOT what G-d wants for us.

So, I repeat, since G-d is the one who is going to be the one to create the miracle of our M being recovered, he will ALWAYS know what is in our hearts and we just have to keep our FAITH in him.

Hope, read the thread that LaLa just put up today. It's amazing and absolutey worth printing out and putting in our emergency kit for survival. Please read this...

Let Go and Let G-d have him Hope. It's the only way. Don't get caught up in the drama of what's going on. Let G-d work his miracles and you continue to grow in his image for you.

YOU REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING OVER THERE. We can't, we aren't G-d. We can only walk in his faith and be protected by him.

But most of ALL, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP... You know that you need to not allow contact of any kind in Plan B. Start today and stick to it. If Plan B is what you want to do.

If you panic.... pray... come here, but don't involved WH in your panic.... He is a sick person who wants to hurt you.

I love you and believe in you. You can do this, you are going to make it, just believe and have faith in G-d.

Wow, Hope, I just read your last 3 pages and I was floored. You're much further along than me, my WW has only been gone 3 months since D-Day. But, I think EVERYTHING you've written is exactly what I'm feeling and exactly how my WW is acting.

Very open about how happy her and OP are and they are soul mates and they are now living together....all that stuff. Absolutely no hope for any future between us. I'm still in plan A but considering plan B soon. Like your struggles, I don't know if I can stick to it though. I feel the same way now as you....when I don't talk to WS it feels like it's only helping her forget about me and shows her I'm giving up. I've said before on my thread that I feel like WW is plan-B'ing ME....I'm right with you on that thought. I've asked the same question....are they one of the 5%?

But, even as dark as it seems......what keeps me from giving up is that this just flat out isn't right. There's too many actions and decisions by WS that just don't add up. Sane people just can't act this way! It's so confusing and so wrong that I just simply can't come to accept it as real. I assume you feel the same.

I guess the fact that a WW and WH can act so eerily similar (even though we know M & W are so different)....well that just tells me that all of this truly is just an A. This isn't our fault like WS tells us....this all comes down to the selfish A.

I'm going to keep checking in on your story. I pray for you to find the strength to keep going. Best of luck

-ILA

Guys, if you believe that Plan B allows them to forget about you, just FORGET THAT. That's one specific question that I asked my FWH after he came home. Did he even think about me while he was gone, or when he was with OW. He said, "Are you kidding me? I couldn't NOT think about you. I thought about you everyday, even when I tried to be distant and cold." So you never know what's REALLY going on in their heads, even if they deny, deny, deny.

Thanks PM,

Not that it matters, but I wonder if it's the ones who eventually come home that think about their spouses or all of them.

I agree, I have no clue what is going on in my WW mind. It's too icky to imagine. I do know he doesn't know what he wants, but he believes that she will bring him that happiness he is looking for at least, from what he has told me, that's what I have surmised.

Thank you though for the reminder....:)

Queenie I'm so glad you get the same emails as me!!You have put my mind to rest,thank you!I did read lala's thread...a real GIFT..

ILA sorry to hear that you are a BS,you can take comfort in the knowledge that there is a definite pattern in affairs.You have just confirmed to me that my WH is a TYPICAL wayward.I always wondered wether my WH was perhaps different(logic tells us they can't all have the same pattern,after all we are all different human beings!)Thats why they are called ALIENS!!

ILA my advice to you in these early stages is to STAY CALM its so easy to allow your emotions to take control and convince yourself that MB doesn't KNOW your wife and you think you can deal with her in your own way...you would be right if she was your sane wife, but she's not,shes an ALIEN THATS POSSESSED!!
Hang in there...

PM thank you SO much for that info it gives me some comfort that WH hasn't forgotten our 25 yrs together(since I was 16)completely!!

You guys have been a real blessing to me today..a lot of my doubts and worries have been answered...thank you

Hope, please seek G-d for the support and protection you are looking for. He is there for you all the time, 24 7 and wants you to seek his comfort.

Yep...your story gave me more confirmation of this too. And, on the other side of the ledger, is it comforting to know that many BS's are TYPICAL too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, I think I went through that phase already and was convinced my WW had so many other problems and she was so much deeper into her new R than the typical WW....that the MB strategies maybe didn't apply as much. But, I know better than that now....this is all based on the A. Otherwise I'd be dealing with my W still (even if we had issues to work out at least it would be my W). Right now it's clearly WW....and too typical.


Well I've got to believe that's something you've got going for you though. I don't know if there's statistical data on it....but I'd think that 25 years is a lot more incentive to pull your WS home. My 5-1/2 years and 8 mo. M (although it seems like an eternity to me) seems to pale in comparison. I'd think that it's easier for a WS to "move on" after a short term R/M than after 25 years. Anyone have thoughts about that???? I'm curious.

So are you going to get SERIOUS about PLAN B, HOPE?

Mimi yes I am! I'm going to hold my head up high and toughen up.The fear of divorce weakened me.I feel this is all I can do now...wether it saves my marriage or not...its best for me.

I am going to need all your prodding from time to time I think!!
I will keep talking to God and leaning on Him.

Have any of you got Stormie Omartiens new book"praying about deeper issues in a marriage"?

I have to go to work soon and I am working a LONG shift.Please post to me cos I will check in if I can..This board really helps me stay sane..friends just don't get MB's concepts..

Yesterday I bought Stormie's new book.It is a great book!
WH deposited less maintenance in my account and I was furious as DS15 told me OP had told him that WH had bought her a new gas stove.

I caved and phoned him.He said he didn't have the money this month to which I replied "but you can buy her a stove!"
Of course he denied it and said her parents had gone half with her.I said well maybe she was purposefully lying to DS15 to get at me.

He asked if we could get together and talk...I said 'what about?"He said "don't worry I must go" and said goodbye.

I tm him to say IF he leaves OP I would be prepared to talk and work on healing our marriage.No reply from him..

I'm feeling good this weekend as kids are home with me..

hey hopenpray,

hope everything is going well.

I don't remember telling you but my husband filed for divorce a month ago hoping I wouldn't find out. I filed a response with my attorney in the state he lives in...I bet he was surprised. He can't even get a divorce right now unless I counterfile.

I just wanted to tell you to keep your head up. I haven't had any contact with my WH in almost 3 months. And I must say I have a lot of peace! I'm also in the process of looking around for a house to buy! Started working now, getting paid pretty well and still going to school in the evening. The other day I was looking around for a convertible. I turned my phone back on (it's a Tracphone) and someone tried to call, I don't know who b/c I didn't add minutes but only 4 people know that number.

I've been thinking a lot the last couple of days, like what if he calls wanting to work things out and I feel like I actually don't want to anymore? I can't deal with his Peter Pan syndrome anymore.

You're not the only one going through this. I'm here. Even if we do or don't want a divorce, it's still hard and it still hurts.

Keep working on yourself! Don't contact him! Don't make yourself available!

Hope;
I’m new in this forum and I am in no place of giving any advice because I do not know the details of plan B.
I am a FWW. And I while reading the ENTIRE thread I noticed that you mentioned several times that you wanted to know how or when does a WS gets out of the for.
Well it is hard by itself to get rid of the "addiction" and it makes it worse when the WS is not Christian.
I am Christian and it took me almost a year. I guess with me it was different because I really felt God was chasing me and he did not stopped until I surrendered and gave up. After that, and only after, I stopped blaming my Husband for what had happened, God made me realize that it was my responsibility as a Christian and as a married woman to run away from temptations and I did not do it.
Then after that came true repentance. Because I never left my husband (except during summer vac.that I went to my mom's) I saw his suffering. I heard how he cried. I realized what I had done. When a WS is still under fog there is absolutely no admiration towards the BS. During this time of R with the Lord, he made me see my husband through his eyes. And I say that because my hubby had done a lot of hurtful things to me during our marriage (not an excuse) and I hated him!!! But now I absolutely adore him!!!
Queen is correct to tell you that only God can do that! No ONE ELSE.
I am walking by faith like you guys are, although I am the FWW and still living together, he has moved to another bedroom 14 months ago. He told me he was going to leave (but thank God never did) He has told me that he does not "feel" that he wants to fight for our M. I am giving up hope at this time. It hurts so much!!
Just wanted to tell you guys this so that you know that there are WS out there that truly repent and are willing to go to the gates of ****** if necessary to fight for M.
Please do not give up hope!! Walking by faith is not easy but it is worth it!!.
A...

You are not serious about following the MBer's Plans...

That makes it difficult for ME to read your thread and to feel motivated to try to help you...

You don't lack self-control, Hope...

You are choosing to do this YOUR WAY...IMO

My1st is great to hear from you again.I often think of you when I see my banner at the church I pass by!!The new banner is "managing my emotions'which is so aimed at me as I'm failing my plan B miserably!
Sorry to hear your WH filed.You seem to be very strong though,well done.

Angie1718 I so appreciate your insight into a WW's mindset.Thank you,it means a lot to me.My problem is that I keep thinking logically and I know this whole affair business is'nt LOGICAL!!!!I am so happy for you that you were able to DE-FOG and I'M praying that you will be able to work through the issues in your marriage.Patience is what we all need in large doses!!
Where can I read your thread?I can't seem to find it.

Mimi you are so right,I wanted to do it my way.I just lost my cool on friday and caved.Over the weekend I decided to stay away from MBers and think through my situation.I have come to a point where I can deal with either ending..divorce or recovery.I am SICK and TIRED of putting my feelings and emotions aside and its not making any difference to WH.I have never screamed or shouted at WH the entire 13months and I SO want to tell him to F..off!!
I have had enough..I feel stronger mentally and I truely do not want to know whats happening in his life.I have told the kids NOT to tell me anything about WH..

He will get what he deserves one way or another,without my inteference.His sister told me not to let him know the back door is still open...
If I saw him right now I think I would let all my pent up anger fly at him!!!

Mimi I just read your thread"my gift to you"..

It has really inspired me to stick to plan B.My situation is different to yours in that WH has served me with D papers,although he doesn't seem to be chasing it along. I am in no hurry either!!

Deep down I don't think plan B will make any difference now...its too far down the road..WH knows that I want him back so there is no pressure on him at all.I feel that he holds all the cards.WH is a very proud person I don't think he will give up OP and come home cos he will be admitting he made a mistake.I would like to make him think that I have moved on and DON'T want him back!!

I feel its too late to win him back....