So finally, my account is fixed and I can now post and read posts without the dreaded "Page Not Found" error. Here we go...

I've basically been put through the shredder by my wife. I won't go into details, unless anyone wants to know, but the gist of it is in my sig. Basically, my wife has moved in, and is having an affair with another woman. We have 2 kids, boys aged 5 and 8. At the present, we are working on the divorce details. I absolutely cannot stand that my kids are over there, exposed to that lifestyle. Myself, I have nothing really against it. I think people should be free to do as they please, but, my kids are too young to be wondering why mommy kisses another girl, etc. The whole thing has been really a roller coaster ride. When I found out about the other woman, which I had suspicions about, but my W denied, I did not want my kids anywhere near it. My W promised me that they never did anything in front of the kids, but I later found out it wasn't true. I just really worry about the kids, and I have spoken to a lawyer about the chances of that situation getting me custody of the kids, but he said it did not matter one bit. Sigh. My wife used to be a very religious woman, involved in our local church, taught the kids choir, etc. She used to condemn the very lifestyle she is living. My W has now started smoking heavily, which is something I cannot stand, and she likes to go out and "party" and get quite tipsy. She has basically turned into everything she used to hate. I recently found out that my W had an affair with one of the church youth, a 15 year old teenager (my W is 33)!!!!!!!!!!! All of this really makes me want the kids with me most of the time. I do not smoke/drink/"party" etc, I'm quite a boring person actually, more of a bookworm, but anyways..Since separating, we have a schedule where she has the kid sun-wed, I have them wed. night through fri. and we rotate every other saturday. I had asked her if she would consider me having them mon-fri, and her on weekends, but that was a big no go. Right now I am alone in the house, my W picked up the kids about 2 hours ago, and I'm just going crazy. What should I do?

I would think about contacting the police and file a report.
She had an affair with a 15 year old. This is illegal and is therefore statutory rape. I would contact the church and especially contact the teenager's parents so they can also file charges. I would think this would be enough for you to gain full custody of your children. Contact your lawyer at once about this.

Agreed, get a good attorney.

I have thought about it, but I have no proof other than my W admitting to it. So, wouldn't it be my word against hers? Plus, the bad thing is, with me having the house now, my finances are stretched to say the least. I have thought about legal aid, but I have no clue as to how that worlks, etc.

The one thing that really bothers me in some ways, is that she is very friendly in that she allowed me to keep the house, and most everything in it. When we met last nite for her to pick up the kids, she asked how I was doing, and said she was worried about me. When she left, she said "come give me a hug", which usually I do, but last nite I declined. I mean, does she not know that it kills me? I just wish she would agree to let me have the kids mon-fri, and me be the primary caretaker. I do not mind her seeing them at all. She can be a good parent, or at least was till all this crap hit the fan. I had thought about maybe telling her I was going to tell the church/the girls parents, etc unless she agreed to the mon-fri thing, but I dunno. Guess I just don't have a mean bone in me, maybe that's the problem.

jive

I also have a soon to be ex that went completely off the deep end. He was a church-goer, Cub Scout den leader and then had two affairs 5 yrs apart and moved in with his married alcoholic chainsmoking OW and fought me for 50-50 custody. Believe me- when it comes to your kids ENTIRE future well being you can not NOT afford to get a great atty who really cares about children's needs. What your wife has done/doing DOES affect custody. But you need EXCELLENT legal intervention NOW. Believe me, I know! I put mine on the credit card. Worth every penny in the long run. Like you, I just want primary custody. Take care!

BryanP is right - do something about the 15 yr old sex. Talk to the boy's parent's, there is no cost to you for that. Maybe she is only being nice to keep you from reporting the crime. Even after doing it, you don't have to do anything but use it as a bargaining chip. Trust me, you will find it hard to have any other evidence.

Thanks for all the replies. And regarding the 15yr. old sex, is was with a teenage girl, not a boy. I doubt she is just being nice to me to keep me from reporting the crime, as she told me about it last September, and I haven't brought it up since. I don't think she sees anything wrong with it honestly. When she told me, I had asked her to be completely honest with me about who she had been with. She just told me like it wasn't anything unusual. I was floored, really floored. I think the affair lasted about 6 months or so, and I remember that the girl was sorta coming out of the closet then, my wife was there to "support" her, or so I thought.

I know that if I did talk to her parents, and "break" the story, all ****** would break loose. As it is right now, I am trying to be friends with my wife for the kids sake. It's hard, but my view is that it is better for the kids than to have to parents who cannot stand each other and fight all the time over custody, etc. And I've thought about bringing it up as a bargaining chip, but, I don't know how to go about it. Do I say "Give me mon-fri, or I'll call so-and-so's parents" And what of the other girl, I would think this would shatter her life, as to my knowledge, her parents do not know she is gay. I'm just so torn, confused, etc.

NoJive, you can't control other's lives, just yours. I know if my daughter had sex with an adult man or woman, I would want to know. Wouldn't you? We have to look out for each other, or we allow evil to thrive. The ostrich method fails us all.

Keeping the peace is important, but if your wife is like most, she will cause problems, and you need to be prepared. You could inform the parents of the girl, and ask that you be left anonymous, so your wife deosn't know that it was you,. Then, if need be, you can use it against her if she decides to play dirty. Sadly, too many women do decide to play dirty, if for no other reason than they can.
better to have something in your pocket if needed, then to get your butt kicked in court because you decided to play nice.

Trust me - my ex was in the back of a squad car for striking me, but I let her go. Must have been the nice guy in me. Later, during family court hearings she claimed I was the batterer, and because I had no police or arrest report on her, the judge believed her.

Just be prepared.

I'm curious what kind of church you go to that you can't confront SIN and call it SIN??

I would be contacting the parents, the pastor, and the police to have it investigated..doesn't matter if it was months ago..it was STILL A CRIME!!! And if it's reported to the pastor..He is obligated BY LAW to report it..

I would not pass go, not collect $200 until this was addressed..and in that YOU were told about it and have SAID nothing you could also be charged for not reporting a crime..

And if the police investigated it, found it to be true..they would prosecute..and because she would be considered a CHILD preditor you would certainly have a greater chance of getting sole custody of your kids and her supervised visitation given the circumstances...

But given she has already admitted to be a child molestor, I wonder if she is molesting or your children as well..and as she's lied about other things..whose to say she wouldn't LIE about that too??

Maybe you should read Romans Chapter 1

Thanks again for the replies. Regarding the 15yr old sex, if i do decide to report this, wouldn't it be my word over hers? If i had solid proof, i'd feel better about it, but i don't. I know they had an affair for about 6 months, and that the 15yr old got very upset when my W ended it and began seeing another woman. At the time, i thought she was only upset because my W had a new friend. If i'd only knew.

Also, i do not believe my kids are in any way in danger. Just because she had an affair with a 15yr old, it does not make her a pedophile, sex offender perhaps. If i did think they were in danger, trust me, i would do whatever it took so she would never see them again.

On another note, my W is wanting to take the kids on vacation to FL soon. I'm uneasy about this, as my W stated she would like to move away. I had to talk long and hard to get her to agree that we place something in the D papers that says we cannot move out of state/etc. with the kids.(i still am unsure about what wording to use, another topic though) I'm kinda paranoid she might not come back.

Jive

I would just report the facts as you know them to the police. Now you are D'ing your W, and there may be some suspicion that you are making untrue accusations to help out in a custody fight or something. Just be honest and don't embellish.

I would think that the police will check with the parents and that they will be able to get to the truth.

How old are your kids? And did you raise the OM's kid from 2002?

Kids are 5 and 8, and yes i did raise the om's kid. After we got back together and decided to work on the marriage, he waived all rights to the baby. Haven't seen or heard from him since. Of course, now I love the kid just as he were my own.