My H had an A this summer with a co-worker. The emotional affair was about 4 months before it moved physical for 2 more months when I discovered it. I confronted with the pictures I found, he left me(in beg. Sept), then came back a few weeks later (beg. Oct). We have been working things out since then and I thought they were going well. Except my H refuses to leave his job for financial reasons. He also refuses counseling. I caught him texting and MSN with her and then he stopped after that (in Nov.). But she still texts him with one message once or twice a week. He doesn't respond.

For Xmas she gave him an expensive dart board($145.00?). He said he was going to get rid of it and give it to his Dad. A week ago I checked one of my my H's email accounts. There was an instant message from her. I flipped out and hacked up the dart board. When I got back he was so angry. It turns out the IM was an old one. He said I will never trust him and he doesn't want to do this anymore. He wants to leave. He said he's been miserable and that I have been suffocating him. (Sounds like withdrawal) He said he wants a month to move out. I asked if there was any chance and he said "We'll see".

I have been sticking to Plan A, and I feel like I am dying. I am so depressed and now anxious with the threat over my head. I don't know what to do. Should I move to Plan B? How?

Welcome. Have you read about exposure? It is the first thing to do in Plan A. It is essential for killing the affair.

Don't let him blame you for ANY reaction to his disgusting previous affair. He's trying to shift the blame to you. So what if the email is old? Its an email THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN. Excuse me that you didn't get the date right. And the dart board, you mean the present from the person who decided to pitch in and TAKE what was yours?? Youre husband is WRONG. Period. He should be BEGGING to make you happy.

Hope, hes GOTTA leave his job. Financials? Well how much is BS worth? People get layed off all the time. How many end up homeless?? He's playing you, big time. This affiar DOES NOT seem to be dead.

Someone shared this term with me and I looked it up. There are some great explanations of what it is (Google it). It sounds like your DH is "gaslighting" you. It's a form of emotional abuse and it's easy to fall into the trap when you want so badly for your marriage to work.

Good luck.