This interaction occured during a converstation this evening:

WS: Later we need to talk about what you're doing.
ME: What I'm doing? What are you talking about?
WS: All of these sweet text messages and sending me pics of the baby and stuff.
ME: Look, I realize that I haven't been very good to you in the past and I just want to show you how much I love you.
WS: Yea, I wasn't very good either.

So, this is at least the 3rd time this week he's mentioned my Plan A. Go ME! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Tomorrow, the baby and I are headed to a girlfriend's house for the night for shopping, knitting, eating and movie watching. Can't wait!

((((Pixie-girl)))))

hey honey, good to see you in such a good place. And your A game is looking good also. And I am SO glad you are getting away for a little R&R. You definately need it (heck, so do I...lol).

I see you have gotten some wise wisdom from the VETS here in the last few days. I am so glad.

Keep up the good work, and have fun...

not2fun

Out of curiosity... Is there a time that comes in Plan A when the WS starts to get a little hinky about the *awesomeness of the BS's Plan A* and starts to pull away a little? Just wondering... I can possibly see this coming and just want to arm myself for it emotionally. I can see my dh creating his own little Plan B because he feels guilty and confused about my Plan A, so he would remove himself from that line of fire. KWIM?

Very interesting. Is there a time when he will get hinky? Not sure, not common in what I;ve seen, but every case is different. I think the reverse is usually true, they start coming out of the fog a bit. They have very effectively been able to compartmentalize the 2 R's. Now it is out in the open he can't do that, and he will be comparing the two of you (hence the OW talk). But this is all him, you can't control him, can't control this...he will either love you or he won't, nothing you can do about that (frustrating, isn't it?)

How to support him emotionally? My suggestion? When it comes to his R with the OW, don't! When it comes to him crying on your shoulder or complaining about the OW, explain this is not something you are prepared to hear or help with...you don't have to. Set a boundary, "I will not help my husband in his relationship with his girlfriend." (Say that out loud and see how funny THAT sounds.)

Practice, practice, practice that wonderful Plan A. Think of these behaviors as habits you are creating for when the R is restored.

When he says something he is showing he notices, and wants to test the trust of these changes being permanent...

You can say something like, "I realize I made many mistakes in our marriage, I did not treat you with love and honor, I am trying to repair myself as a wife. It might be too late for us, but at least I'll be a better wife for my next relationship." This heads him off at the pass if he is about to say, "It's too late Tarnsy, we're getting a D..."

I agree....great question! This is what I forsee from my WW too. Simply b/c she's got a pattern of doing this and she's NEVER gone back to the man she left. I think it's a defense mechanism from her childhood. I think if my WW starts to have feelings for me again, she's will try to withdraw and surpress them.....maybe it's being stubborn, maybe it's false pride, maybe it's old emotional issues.....but I forsee it as a real possibility...at least in my relationship. Great question, LP. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I've done this recently to my WW and she quickly agrees with me. "Yes, I know you will be happy and have a great life....you're a good person" is sort of her response.

I don't know if this is b/c she senses weekness and/or my acceptance of THE END and takes the opportunity to pounce on me and get me to quit.......or if it really gets through to her and so she makes this "defensive" statement?? Curious. I think either way it is a good type of statement to use, though....sort of a reverse babble in a way, I guess, huh?

The tables are turning here, I think. Yesterday afternoon, after receiving a package I sent that contained a few handmade welding caps, a love letter and some drawings from our daughter, he once again started in with the "you're confusing me" bit. Then he professed "I can't do this anymore." Then "I'm just going to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself." His dual life is getting to him. Later in the evening, he confirmed this by asking me to stop loving him. LOL I said, nope, no chance.

Today was the kicker though. I left him a sweet text message and he immediately called. Today is his last day of work, he's getting laid off. They had asked him to take a transfer to days but he refused; it's against his Union beliefs. So, this is where it gets good: He's talking bad about her behind her back to me. LOL He told me that she asked him to take the transfer and he said no. I said "what? She's afraid of losing you?" Yep. LOL And he was upset with her for asking him to go against his beliefs, which is especially bad in her case because she has the same job as he does. He's thinking about taking a job closer to home (ie away from her). We'll see: actions speak louder than words.

It seems to me that all is not well in their FANTASY WORLD. I'm certainly not getting my hopes up, but I am seeing the results of my plan A. He'll be home next week so I'll get to work it in action, not just on the phone.

Hey LP!

Wow! That was fast! Great job!!!

When the reality of "life" hits the A, it's only a matter of time until they start LBing each other!

You're doing great!

Semper Fi,

RIF

Hey Pixie...

Just wondering if you are still around.....did you disappear...let us know how you are doing...

Not2fun

Hey Not2Fun. Just stopped by to check out the recovery board and get some pointers. Dh left OW on Monday and returned home. Not sure what to think...