Okay i posted on 'just found out' a week or so ago.
I found out my H was having an EA on Dec 16th. For 2 months or so. Friends a month or so before boundaries were crossed.
Other than an accidental meeting that i accidentally found out about 1 week ago. There has been NC. I think.
Trouble is. I am worried that my suspicion will ruin any chance of fixing things.

Although i am doing the active part of plan A. I was unable(and didn't read this site until after) to expose EA to many people other than my supporters(friends) I am worried this is bad. I have no way of contacting her partner. She doesn't work with my H but is nearby. I don't know the friends they have in common and there is only one person who knows about the situation at his work and that is a good friend of hers and my H.


Now i am so stressed that whilst i believe on one hand (as the man i've known since we were 16) that my H has NC with her. I find myself constantly checking his every move, internet pages etc and i wont relinquish his phone. He says he understands, but how much can he take.

I am also wondering if antidepressants might help.
My doctor said i am suffering from post natal depression and anemia 6 months ago. The iron helped and i felt heaps happier. Which is when i noticed H and i were emotionally disconnected. Now though i feel paranoid and wonder if i may sink back down into another pit of which H will have confirmed that we should part ways forever.

My friends seem to think that my bottle of wine is a good thing. Helps relax you and chill you out. But now i am desperate for the weekend to arrive so i am allowed my wine.
Feels wrong inside but am not sure what to do. It really helps.

Then again. am i not doing what H has done. Feeding a pleasure. Then yet again. Why shouldn't i?

Any suggestions or opinions welcome.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Glad you have found us.

Anti-D's DO help. A lot of people will tell you not to take them, but for me, they were a lifesaver.

Drinking wine won't help. All that does is kill the pain.

Your situation sounds hopeful. Your husband is "getting it".

Prepare to spend a long time recovering - it might take up to 2 years.

Kanne, sorry you have reason to be here. Talk to your physician in order to get his/her help with your stress at this time. The "I am desperate for the weekend" because of a bottle of wine is a big red button with a bright flashing light - you know this isn't good.

I have a drink of some sort about half a dozen times a year, so I'm not coming from a position of anti-alcohol.

Why shouldn't you? Because your children need you. You are burying yourself or numbing yourself every weekend and that's not a healthy thing to do.

As to feeding a pleasure - you cannot blame your husband for your choice to drink every weekend. You are an adult and you are making a conscious choice, and in doing so you need to claim it as your own instead of trying to point a finger back at someone else.

I am sorry that you are being forced to deal with infidelity right on top of a pregnancy and birth. Bless your heart. What are some other things you could do to help relax you on the weekend in place of the wine?

Hot, bubbly bath?
Have friends over for board games or card games?
Several cups of hot herbal or flavored tea?

ARRGH! That was a petty self pitying thing for me to say. I don't mean it. Mostly. My youngest is 2yrs so i have been in denial about the depression. Probably explaining why H is so miserable with me.

I have alcoholics throughout my family and i have always been a non drinker. Which almost makes this worse. Though i suppose saying it aloud means if i went ahead and drank, it would be knowing the probable consequences.

The trouble is i have few friends mainly acquaintances. My friends don't live in driving distance. I have always made H and children my number one friends.

Worryingly i can't think of anything other than sex that would replace the wine. Which, my demand for that is already above the norm for us.
I can't read because i can't concentrate on the book. Hoping that will pass.

I am blabbering on a bit now so i will finish. Will have to find something i guess.

me 30
H 30
DD 12
DS 10
DS 7
DS 2