Hi everyone!

Well where to begin? I’ve not written for a couple of weeks. My husband came back after a week to hammer out a separation agreement. We worked out some terms but things finally came to a head after I discovered a saved MSN conversation between them. The convo said that he was “dropping the bomb on me in a few days” with a week’s notice. What was the bomb? That he was leaving the country to be with his new girlfriend. Leaving to go back to where we both lived. To pick up his life where we left off with a newer, young ‘model’ on his arm!

We went to a therapy session that day and he was an emotionless P-R. Everything out of his mouth is a lie. In his MSN convo he shared what was said on both sides, exaggerating his own response to make his GF feel good. And then he said “even her mother abandoned her.” Where is the man I married? Or maybe the sad reality is that he has been there all along. I am having a lot of trouble getting past the fogspeak.

And what kind of woman actively encourages a father to leave his children? A predator right?

So he leaves next weekend and then I am officially on my own with two wonderful kids. He leaves on my birthday. It was bad enough to ruin Christmas and New Years but my birthday too!!!!!!!!

I’ve scrambled this past week to secure a separation agreement. I can’t have him leaving us high and dry.

How can someone claim to love their children and walk away? How can someone think that the kids will somehow be ‘ok’ with this? He’s worried I will poison them against him…won’t his absence do that? How can he think he can just walk back to where we both used to live and walk around with his new GF? I can just imagine how people will respond? Where are your kids? Your wife?

Yesterday he said he doesn’t care about anything anymore.

Am I in plan B? If so how do I handle things during his monthly visits? Should I not be there? I’ve let him stay in the house for the kids thus far but it’s becoming more than I can bear. His fuse is so short with the kids and I just can’t take it anymore. I told him yesterday: why don’t you leave now??! I wake up nights and can hear him typing away to her on the CPU, I dream I can hear him chatting with her on the cell phone.

I know once he is there with her the bubble will break. He is already suspicious of her. I know affairs are built on deception. Asking who she’s been with and who she was on the phone with for an hour (other than him).

Even if he ever comes back to me, how can I forgive all he has said and done? I guess I just need advice on how to get past this and focus on me instead of everything that went wrong…..

It’s enough to have to accept your marriage is ending but it’s compounded by the pain and rejection you feel because there is someone else in the picture. And then on top of that, you can’t fall apart because you need to be there for the kids!

___________
Married 10 years
WH 40
BS 36
Dday Nov. 22
Move out day Jan 30

OUCH!

(((((((((UnConditional)))))))))

If it helps, remember that he is an addict.
What kind of person would do such a hearltess thing?
An addict desperately need his fixes would.
ALL an addict cares about is that next high...

Eventually it will become more and more difficult for him to keep and to justify that high though... as with all addictions.

Maybe arrange for a third party to supervise his visitations with the kids so you won't have to be in his foggy presence and so he will maybe treat the kids better in front of a 'witness'?

It's as if he his taking it out on us that he has been forced to be with us and not with her. Well right now she can HAVE HIM! Get to know him and maybe this girl won't love him "to inifinity and beyond". I can't beleive this has only been going on for 8 weeks. It feels like a lifetime.

He is an addict....he is an addict. My new mantra....

Wow, another one willing to toss his family for someone he hardly knows. And he is moving to a different country and leaving his kids?

Secure the family finances the best you can. This will never work out, but he may go through a lot of money trying to make it work. I'm sure he will be back.

The girl bought him a plane ticket before she paid her bills- and he says I'm a spender. He will never be able to keep her happy without making her conform to his ways.

The way I see it, with him paying me support and flying up once a month ($700 a shot) she will finally feel the way I have the last 8 weeks. Constantly unsure of what he is doing, checking up on him, just generally feeling insecure. By then though, she will have probably cheated on him and given him a taste of his own medicine.

He has never liked being accountable and never will.

And I am hoping being away from his kids will take a toll. He may not come back to me but I really want him to be there for the kids. Maybe in 6 months his head will be screwed on straight. Life was a lot easier where we used to live because we havd 2 incomes. He is not going back to that.

Can I just say thank God and Marriage Builders for Spying 101 or I would be completely in the dark!

I'd say about 55 of what I know is from his own admission. Everything else is a lie by omission.