My history is a long one so please bare with me. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together in all for 13 years. When we first got engaged he cheated on me with a good college friend while I was upstairs sleeping he told me he was going down to check on our friend because she drank alot. Well, next thing I know is he never came back to bed and I heard noises in the bathroom and he came out with no shirt on and pillow over his groin area with black pants on. He and the girl told me they just made out with shirts off and that was it.. that was now about 6 years ago. I just found out in May of 07 the very last weekend that he cheated on me with another female.. We were at the same bar and I was there with him and I ask him to go to the bank 2 minutes away and get 10 more dollars out because we were going to need it. I found out that this chick who neither of us have met went with him not knowing he was married even though he had a ring on.. they went to the bank and next thing that happened he had sex with her in the parking lot at the bank. About a week later another really good friend came and told me that my husband made several passes at her and she never told me because she thought she was protecting our marriage and our family.. She said three times he has done something.. Once he kissed her, once at our house he took up in the hallway and kissed her again, and then over at my neighbohrs house he pulled down his pants and said give me a b-j.This happened apparently over the last two years we have come back to our home town.. I have never been with anyone but my husband and here is all these times that he has cheated on me and one time was the full on sex. My husband was under the influence of alcohol but I just don't understand.. He does not drink much but apparently he never remembers it.. CLAIMING BLACK OUTs. He could only remember the incident at the bank and the college friend and nothing with my good friend here at home. I took him back after a week of actually having sex with the chick at the bank.. WHY? I did not want to put the kids thru ******. I regret it indefinatly. I am taking recovery classes at a nearby church but I am so angry even after all this time. It is still fresh in my mind.. I am wondering do y'all really get over a spouse cheating on you.. I question every day wether I should just leave and just start over. I am so angry and I was not angry natured til I got all the information about what he has done in the past.. Am I in a hopeless marriage because I feel like this angri-ness within myself will never end. I am trying so hard to forgive but I just can't not after being betrayed so many times.. Please help me .. I want to move on but the very thought of him holds me back and makes me so angry that I just need him to be my kicking bag so I can just punch him!

Yes, I have read survival affair but nothing seems to help my anger.. Nothing seems to really help me get over my husband cheating on me five times since we have been engaged.. i just want to heal and move on and as much I think I am a Christian I sure have alot to learn about forgiveness

He has to earn your forgiveness. Get into marriage counseling and have him be an active participant. He needs to make amends for this. Otherwise, if there was no consequences, he will cheat again.

Mcorum, your husband is a serial cheater. Unless he addresses this flaw in his character (i.e. some sort of counseling), expect more of this type of behaviour from him. Is he doing anything of the sort?

His first step to protect you is to agree never to drink again. No ifs, ands, or buts. He cannot control himself when he drinks. If you want to end this, he needs to go completely sober for life.

He also needs serious counseling to address the fact that he is a serial cheater. He REALLY needs to agree to this asap for you to consider taking him back

Yes he is trying to make it better by going to Christian recovery with me every friday night and he is seeking out a counselor tommorow thru his work and we will both go together. I was wondering if he should quit drinking for good or not because I like to have the occassional beer myself but usually only one or two.. I never heard of serial cheater.. even if he has never had sez with anyone else but the one chick it is still called serial cheating??? New term I will have to look up.. I never heard of it before..

Actually, I think the correct term might be sex addict. While he might have had sex with only one of those women, it seems pretty clear from your prevous post that he was looking for more from the others that he approached.

I have a question...In regards to your husband's affairs, how did you find out about them? Did he ever confess or did you find out on your own?

I was wondering about sexual addict. I assume he is not a full blown one but he well on his way there..

Now as far as how I found out.. The first time I found out because he came out of the bathroom with his shirt off and hiding his groin which I knew he had done something with the first girl. He confessed after I caught him. The second time, that I was aware of something was when I had a gut feeling because after he had sex with the woman at the bank he was suppose to come back to the bar and in walks the woman first and then my husband with tossled hair. Now he did not confess to me that night and he swears up and down the reason he was gone for so long was because he was looking for his phone. Now two days later, two really trusting friends told me the truth about my husband. They said he did indeed have sex with the girl and they gave me the phone number of the girl and I called her and she confirmed it( I am stickler of finding the answer and not going by hearsay) Then my trusting friend said he made so many passes at her with kissing her groping her and ask her several times if she wanted to have sex. She thought he was joking about wanting to have sex but now she knows he was not. After I found all this out in one night I went home and confronted him and moved out for a week with my three boys. He started to remember( supposedly) and confessed to the chick he had sex with, he remembers making passes at the other girl but does not rememeber asking her to have sex. Also the last two times he cheated he told both girls " are you too drunk to remember this?" Both girls confirm this but my hubby is not aware and believes he would never say this. At this point I will believe my trusting friend who shot him down the first place..I have other confessions from other close friends that my husband made passes at them and he groped them but never tried to kiss them or anything but he was very very handsy with them..

My husband is aware of his problems and the minute I read serial cheater or sex addict I immediatly started looking that stuff up.. I read that 60% of sex addicts were abused as a child.. Now my husband was by his older brother of 14 years.. So that made me think. I still did not make the excuse about it because he has a brain and knows right from wrong even when drinking. I have gotten wasted before and I always know who my husband is and I don't even come close to thinking of another guy. My husband always claims well I am not you.. Anyway, right now he is sleeping on the couch and I am in our bed.. He is seeking counseling thru work and we both go to recovery at a church on Fridays. I am praying that somehow I will get over this but so far I am so angry and sad that the emotions are completly overwhelming.. Sometimes I don't even know what to say but just sit there and cry and most of the time I am the strong woman in my group of family and friends.. I swore if he ever cheated on me I am going to leave him.. easier said than done....

I am sure this is true for you. I am sorry you are going through this. The reason I asked how you found out is because I was concerned that this may be just the tip of the iceburg. I hope I am wrong but my gut is telling me there is more but you only know about what you found out on your own. Have you been tested for STD's? Please make sure you are tested ASAP. The only way you are going to get through this is if you feel your husband has told you everything. I suspect you feel he hasn't so you don't trust him. Ask him for all passwords, including his cell VM. Check all phone records etc.