Wow! The shock was hard, and now we are in recovery. We are trying to work through this, but I find it hard to be intimate with my wife again. Not just emotionally intimacy...we seem to be getting somewhere there. But sexual intimacy. I can't make love to my wife. Everytime we get close to that moment, I think of her with the other guy, and I have to stop. I'm not ready yet. It's a wierd and confusing feeling. How do I get past this? Any help would be appreciated. Am I the only one who has this problem? I love my wife, that's why I am working so hard to get past this. I want to make love to her again. Please help!

SadMan,
Welcome to the site.
I think the consensus around here is to have the WS's get tested for std's before having any intimacy. As sad as that is, it is a reality and you need to protect yourself from her indiscretion. There have been a few VET posters that knew people on here who have passed away due to infidelity from their spouses.

BE CAREFUL.

Does she understand why it is hard for you or does she get upset or angry?
It is completely understandable to wait. Trust has been breached! It took a long time for me and my WH to be intimate again and then I cried during and he stopped. WE kept trying, but it is VERY difficult. The visual is almost unbearable.

Those aliens in a fog...woe is me.

Thanks for the reply. She does understand why its hard for me, but also seems to get frusterated. I understand that as well, sort of. Were you ever able to restore a sense of normalcy, or "how it used to be" in you sexual relationship after the affair? How? When? How long? Maybe this is it. If I can't share this part of me with her, maybe we can't salvage our relationship.

Well my sitch was hard b/c I was pregnant when my WH first started his A. I was not working at the time, so I felt "stuck" b/c I wanted to either a)leave him or b) kick him out. I could do neither.
We didn't have SR's for about 2 months afterward. He put my and our baby's health at risk and I was NOT a happy camper with that. He was very apologetic after the first A, but it was still hard b/c I kept thinking about his hands on the OW and her hands on him. Yuk. It is disgusting and hurtful still.

First of all, nothing will be "how it used to be" and really it shouldn't. You have to rediscover each other. You will have a new marriage after this if you stay together, stronger, better and more loving.

Read through the site about Emotional Needs and doing a Plan A for your wife. It is difficult b/c you will be doing most of the work, but she will see what a wonderful life will be like for you both.

My WH and I started slow. When you feel uncomfortable tell your WW. She really needs to make the effort to be understanding with all of this. It sounds robotic, but set some guidelines for when either one of you feels uncomfortable during SR. Have you talked to her in depth about details of the A? Is SF one of her EN's?

I am sure if the roles were reversed your wife would be feeling the same way. She was sexually intimate with another man and gave what was special to you to him and betrayed you in the worst possible way. It sounds to me that she simply does not really get it what she has done to you, your self-esteem, your relationship and your marriage.
She does not sound very remorseful. Does she really understand what she has done to you?

Welcome. Hopefully she is having no contact with the other man, and has written him a no contact letter. Then she needs to answer all of your questions about the affair.

Next, she needs to get tested for STD's.

After that, the best way to get through this is just to reclaim your intimacy with her. There is no getting around just DOING it. Men especially have movies in their head at first, but it does get better. It takes a couple of years, so hopefully you are in this for the long haul.