WONDERING POSTED THIS ON EN. PLEASE HELP HERE HERE....IT IS JUST AS I THOUGHT. HER HUSBAND FOUND OUT HE COULD GET A DIFFERENT, CUTER WOMAN AND NOW ADMITS HE ALWAYS WANTED A DIFFERENT BODY TYPE THAN HIS WIFE....Is it the fog or his true feelings from day one? He is miserable about it and says it led to his affair.
WONDERIN SAYS TOIDAY:
""Needing to vent...
MC was a big discouragement to me today. We went back to evaluate where we started to go wrong, and I realized that my interpretation of things has been far rosier than H's.
He believes our RC disconnect happened long before our D was born. He admits that his desire for a 130 lb wife has been there since before marriage, but he supressed it because he had been raised that such things shouldn't matter, so fact is he's never thought I had the ideal body. Oh, and a new one...he misses my "perky" breasts, which have been gone since breastfeeding D. He confessed that our SF has been "routine, passionless," and lacked the visual stimulation he needs because of the ways I let my insecurities interfere with things. He believes we married too young (or at least he did) because he didn't know who he was or what he wanted in a partner. All of this and he still has hope that we can be happy together. And he is frustrated that I feel less hope after learning about it.
In my mind, our RC went bad post D, he was happy with me as far as AS until he got off track with the lust issue, and our SF was, while sometimes routine, still passionate and fulfilling with some of every specific thing he included on his list of SF actions that speak love to him. Totally different interpretations of the same picture.
Depressing. It left me feeling like he really doesn't LIKE me as a person.
Especially when I'm compared to OW...
Found out OW was extroverted, I'm introverted.
Her, athletic, me, crafty.
Her, experienced and very sexual, me been only with H.
Her, passionate about diet and exercise, me, resentful about it.
Her, outdoorsy, me, not so much.
Her, body untouched by the effects of pregnancy, mine, not so much.
So, if H and I stay together, which I believe we can do, if we so choose, because of committment more than anything else, here is how I see it: He will not be 100% happy with my body unless I do get to and maintain 130 lbs. Yes, he'll be attracted and deal with it if I'm 140, but not as much if. He will always be wishing that I had interests I do not have and we will struggle to find common ground on which we are both happy and comfortable. And I will always be living in the shadow of the sex-goddess he gave himself to or he will be trying to "teach" me the ropes, which makes me want to throw up.
OK, I know that I'm being very negative. I know that my thinking isn't helping us move forward...but I can't help it. Praying like crazy, but I must be hanging onto it in spite of the prayers because I'm not feeling any relief. I want off this roller coaster.""
