First of all I want to start by saying that I am an excheater. Almost four years ago I had a 6wk EA that almost ruined my M. It was the most devistating thing that I have ever done to my H. We have been married for over 16 years and have two wonderful boys(7 & 12). I will never forget the hurt in my H eyes. It took over two years for him to forgive me. It was the worst rollercoaster ride that anyone could ever go through. Since then, I have tried to lead my life with the Lord and my family being the most important part of it. The guilt of my EA has been very difficult for me to deal with. I am mostly ashamed. Things had been going well or I thought they were until about 6 months ago. I found out that my H was having an EA with a coworker 40 years younger than him. Throughout our M he has always had flirtatious ralationships with some Special woman. He has always told me that they are just friends and that I am too jealous. For many years we fought about those relationships but I would just have to learn to deal with them. Not until I had my EA did I realize how damaging those types of relationships can be. I have told him about several coworkers that I felt his relationship was inapropriate but he would always come back with the usual "I just won't talk to ANY woman". He would always say that I was overreacting about nothing. Well that nothing has led to me finally finding a note from a coworker hidden on his motorcycle. He finally after several days admitted to the EA. He begged me not to confront her or his coworkers since he thought that would just make things worst. He told me that it was all his fault and that she was not to blame. That made me so angry that all he wanted to do is to protect her. It takes two to Tango! I have been going to MC but he refused to go. He no longer works at the office where the EA took place. He has also promised me that he has had no contact with OW. The problem is that he continues to seek out opportunities to speak with or contact any other coworkers from that office. He is upset that I don't want him to have any contact with anyone from there. I don't know why he can't see that he needs to let it go. He tells me time and time again that he loves me more than anything but then the next thing I know, he has had to contact one of them for some reason or other. I go back and forth about his trust. He has been very secrative about his internet use and we have argued about that also. He was upset when I asked him for his passwords. He told me he was tired of me snooping around in his things. GUILTY is all I can think of from his reaction. I am sure that he now has other email address that I don't know about. I don't know what to do or say to him anymore. I love my H very much and I want him to realize how painful these things are to me and our M.
Please help me! ....

My H also has passwords i don't know and accounts other than the one he shows me. His was an EA and the trust thing is huge. One minute you believe they are committed and then... This isn't a helpful reply i know. I am new here. I just wanted to say i feel for you. I hope someone here can advise you.

Welcome. The MB website has much valuable information. Please get acquainted over on the right hand side with the links to educate yourself. Knowledge is power.

For now, just stop talking about the EA and MC and the OW.
DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT MARRIAGEBUILDERS.
It is your secret weapon to save your marriage. Right now you are alone in that endeavor.

If you want to end the affair, read up on Plan A. It counsels you to expose the affair. But don't do anything before you understand the plan. Don't do anything impulsive. Don't react to anything he does or says.

By not confronting the OW and his coworkers you are allowing the affair to continue. Again, do not do anything right now. WAIT. Time is your friend.

Read up on the links and under Plan A/Plan B.

SLow and steady and calm. You are the sphinx. You are Mona Lisa. You are Mata Hari. Mysterious and deep. You can have power. But first READ here.

to repeat: Do Not discuss the affair, the passwords, the OW, TRUST, or your Relationship. DO NOT EDUCATE OR TRY TO EDUCATE YOUR HUSBAND.

AND KEEP THIS SITE YOUR SECRET WEAPON.

thanks for your help. These are very difficult times in my life. Can you tell me where to find info about plan A/B. It has been 6months now and I beleive its time to go to plan A. He seems to be having a difficult time letting go and I can't take the setbacks anymore. I hope this works.
Thanks again