I've posted my story before on a thread that was titled "my story isn't as bad as others but still hurting". Well it turns out that the story has changed about 3 times since then, the story is worse, and I'm terrified.

WH had an affair with a co-worker which lasted a year and a half. I found out on Oct 15th 2006. The original story he told me was that the affair was only emotional and they mutually ended it in Jan 2006. He made up a bunch of rubbish about no longer having feelings for her after that. Well it turns out that the affair was physical and did not end until Oct when I found out. Because I thought he no longer had feelings for her, I was ok with him working there. He wrote a no contact letter and gave it to her. He told me that he was not talking to her, but the whole thing was a lie. He was talking to her and calling her and the no contact did not end. I just can't believe he kept lying to me after all the horrible pain and torment I had been through on discovery.

Since the whole story has come out now I'm faced with how can I ever trust this person again. Now that I know he was still in the addiction phase when he gave her the no contact letter, should I give him one more chance? He is finding a new job and he is never supposed to see her again. His boss knows so he is working it out so that they are never in the office on the same day until my husband finds a new job. Should I give him another chance? How long does it take for the addiction to wear off? He is saying that he really has no feelings for her now, but we both realize that if he sees her feelings could come back. We are moving far away but I'm terrified she/he might call or try to get together.

Give him another chance.

Wow, I am one of the biggest advocates of the NC letter. I believe it is the litmus test of how serious the WS is. Mostly they refuse to write the letter if they plan on continuing contact.

Sounds like your husband is the exception.

The affair is an addiction and it is very difficult for the WS to pull away. It is common to have multiple D-days.

The fact that he is leaving his job and willing to move is very hopeful.

working,

I'm sorry you've returned under these conditions. (((((((((((working))))))))))))))

No one faces the future after infidelity without some fear, confusion, and the doubt that trust can ever be established again. The folks here all warned you about the danger of your H still working with the OW. For some reason, many people don't heed that advice, and too many times....the result is just what you've seen. I can't tell you whether you should give him another chance....but it sounds like you want to....you just don't want to be hurt again.

How about scheduling some time with the Harleys who can help you put together a recovery plan to protect your marriage in the future? You're doing the right thing by taking extra-ordinary precautions, but you also need to start spending time together, using the poja, radical honesty and meeting each others needs.

You mentioned that you read some of the books....but you really need to put those strategies into practice in your marriage. I know that finding out the truth is very painful....but without the truth....recovery is not possible.

I'm so sorry you're hurting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />