Hi group I know alot of you are aware of my situation.

I would like some feedback on a couple of things.I spoke with my WW on the phone recently and she said to me that she would like me to be the sought of friend that she could talk to me about anything,and my reply to that was of course but then she said even if that meant when she was having problems with the OM,initally I was not sure how to respond to it,but after I sat down and digested it.I thought to myself is she serious.

So last week I sent my WW a plan B letter.She now tells me that she has led me to believe that she was still with OM so she could help me move on.

OM has bought her numerous gifts including flat screen tv Ipod.I really am having a hard time believing that she is not seeing the OM anymore.

My son told me when she called to speak with him on tues to tell me she loved me,I am not sure if my son got it right but he swares she said that.

I know alot of you really think I am a bad person for what has happened with spitting the kids up,my shrink told me that in a perfect world its not the best thing to do,but in my situation he told me it is probaly best for me to get healthy.


If anyone would like to see a copy of my plan B letter and the response I got from my WW just let me know.


Thanks for reading this...

Hi,

Being in plan B isn't easy but as you can see, she is trying to get you to break it. Do you want to step backwards or move forward?

She would like to have you help her enable the A. By communicating with her on her terms instead of yours will cause you to enable the A. What do you want to do?

L.

Orchid thanks for replying..

I want to move forward,but in saying that I still want to work this out with my wife.

Would you like to see my plan B letter? and the response I got from her.

Yes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Pottsy,

I'm sorry for the slight t/j here but I just had to tell you. This is so weird. I was just thinking about you not 2 hours ago and when I dropped in here, here you were!

I don't have any advice for you but I'd like to lend my support. I'm in Plan B now myself.

Hang in there!!

Charlotte

Pottsy, I will not comment on the letter you wrote, because it doesn't seem like you want me to.
I will just say this.. I have not been involved with anyone for a while now. I have let you to believe that I was, because I thought, that it might be easier for you to move on if you thought that was the case. Because the fact is, I don't want to be with anyone at the moment, so I have cut all contact. But mind you, that eventhough Jesper is no longer a part of my life, I don't wish for you to re-enter as more than a friend and the father of my children. I think, I will need to be single for a very long time.. Otherwise I simply don't think you understand that I will rather be alone than with you.. I know these are hard words and I don't mean to be cruel, but Pottsy, there's noone else in my life now and I still don't wish to reconcile, so there is no longer anyone else to blame for our demise. You can blame me for not wanting you anymore, but that's it.!!
I am fully focused on Emma and the new life her and I will be starting next month. I am very excited about the move, my new working hours and coming closer to my friends. I will give Emma a good life with all the care and attention she'll ever need..
It was really nice to speak to Thomas today, so thank you for making the call with him.
Take care of yourself and our beautiful boy. I will ring Tuesday mornings as arranged. Since you have requested I no longer contact you, you shall get your wish..

Love J

P.S. I found the charger... I guess you would like photos eventhough you don't want contact..??
----- Original Message -----
From: kyle potts
To: pottsy@mail.dk
Sent: Tuesday, January 08, 2008 2:24 AM
Subject: FW:








--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: pottz_67@hotmail.com
To:
Subject:
Date: Mon, 7 Jan 2008 10:00:25 +0000


Dearest Jeanette,


This is one of the hardest letters I’ve ever written. It is with heavy heart that I sit here and put my thoughts and feelings to paper. It is truly sad what has happened to our marriage and to us. The path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation. Let me explain.

I would first like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in the demise of our marriage. I have made many mistakes in the past that can not be changed. What I have been able to do is recognize those errors in judgment and have learned from them so that I can take steps to ensure that they will not occur again. I was selfishly caught up in myself, and with my selfishness and foolishness I helped create a void in our marriage that helped allow this affair to happen. I now clearly see many of those things I was lacking in. I just didn’t understand how important it was to us.

I did not understand what it took to have a successful and fulfilling relationship, or how to meet your needs; including not meeting your need for a healthy, drug free spouse. I can not sit here today and say that I know all that I need to know about relationships but I can honestly say that I have learned a lot. I want to be the type of man that I hope you would be proud to call your husband; the same pride I felt so many times when I called you my wife. But the past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. My only saving grace is the memory of the love we once shared, of all the good times we have spent together, your extraordinary qualities that led me to ask you to spend your life with me and thoughts of us being together, someday happy again. Unfortunately, I now find those thoughts and feelings eroding away. Before I lose any more of these thoughts and feelings of what was once us, I must take some drastic steps.

Jeanette, I am still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you. One in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished and honored. I simply can not continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are still involved with Jesper. It has become too painful. We can only rebuild our marriage together when you completely end your relationship with Jesper.

Until that point, I feel I must break off all contact with you as hard as it is going to be for me not knowing what Emma is up to its just something I have to do at the moment. I will avoid talking to you or communicating with you in any way. I do not wish for your bond with Thomas to suffer and I will be as flexible as possible with you calling, but I must ask that you not have contact with me . I would also like any regular communications between us to be handled through Cheryl. If you have any emergency matters, you may call or email me.

I hope that you understand that I am not doing this to hurt you or punish you but to protect my feelings for you. I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You must know the torturous pain and suffering I have endured because of your relationship with Jesper. I simply cannot be in contact with you any longer, knowing that you and he are together. This separation is a necessity to preserve my love for you and to avoid losing any more of the things we have shared together, and to give our marriage the best chance for recovery!

I will be willing to discuss our future together as soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Jesper and are willing to construct a plan to ensure a total separation. Until that time I will continue to pray for our family and us.

In my mind I will keep the vision of a happy and loving family where our needs are being met and of a relationship that no others could come between. I know it can happen! I still love you today; I just can not speak with you or help you as long as you are still involved with Jesper.

Your loving husband,


Pottsy.



Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
* * *
Complimentary
"Goodbye my lover"
Ringtone!
* * * Download James Blunt Ringtones












I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.


I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'm the father of our children.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Pottsy,

A suggestion. Go back to your letter and her's..... remove all names and contact info. Substitute a title or acroynm (i.e. WS, OP, OM, SIL, etc.). We can still get the gist of it w/o compromising the letter.

Your letter was a bit long but ok. You made your point. Her response was typical and full of WS babble.

Learn to differentiate between WS babble and your real W. Learn how NOT to fall for the whims of the WS.

Stand for your children. She wants t/b away from you, let her. You demand to have your children with you as often as is legally possible. This isn't about making it easy for her. Don't come to her rescue if she is acting like a WS. If she is acting like your real W, then accommodate.

I call it plan A your W and plan B the WS. Your W needs to miss you. You really don't want the WS back, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Read my sig link about reverse babble. Use it wisely. It may help.

It is important you get strong because she will test your endurance. Remember this is a fight for your M and your family.

take care.
L.

Pottsy, you want advice...get your kids back together. Your decision to divide them was a cruel thing. Absent that, there is nothing to suggest to a father that decided to use his child to make his own transition less painful.

And Orchid, I am surprised that you would suggest his letter was okay...considering he will also lose contact with his daughter...remember, he split up his children. I am shocked at the manner in which you handled this poster in the past(apologies to Orchid as I re read the old thread and realized it wasn't Orchid that I had issue with from back then, I was wrong)...and equally shocked(I am shocked about this current response though) that you are okay with this continued farce by one of the worst parents I have ever seen. Anything short of moving back to the country where his wife is...and keeping his kids either together all the time or at a minimum very close is ridiculous.

This man used his son to soften his landing and he gets coddled. I just shake my head at any advice that doesn't begin with getting his kids back together.

He wasn't coddled, he was excoriated for doing that. He did it. Now, he is where he is, wanting advice on the situation he is in.

What good does it do to lament the past in this case?

If a person won't do what is the very best thing (and there are many who won't) then you suggest the best thing they WILL do, or just call them stupid over and over again.

Hey Tyk...first off, I didn't call him stupid.

Second, he was coddled by some.

Third, it isn't the past...his kids are still separate. Or did you miss that little tidbit? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />