I am looking for some examples of exposure letters to OMs mother/parents. He is single, living in another state in his aunts basement. WW is continuing her A and still living at home, I can't stand this pain much longer and need a way to break up the A, I've exposed to family and friends and no progress yet. I contacted OM also and that didn't work. I cannot find a phone # for OM's mother so a letter will be the only way, any help would be appreciated.

-aph

Aph...if you feel you must do this, and I know other vets have said it is a good idea, I would make it short and sweet. Something like "I am the husband of the woman with whom your son is having an affair. He is well aware that I know of their relationship and that I am actively trying to keep my family together. Seeing as he has little regard for her family or the fact that she is married (we are not even separated), I was hoping you could speak to him on my behalf. I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, or if you feel it is none of your business, but I have tried all other avenues (I have told his aunt whom he is living with), and you are my last hope of getting him to back off. I have spoken to him and he has threatened me and told me to leave him alone. As his mother, I was really hoping you may have some influence with him in this matter. Thank you very much."

Aph, I hope this works. As unrelenting as he has been, I really doubt it, but you can try. I am all for doing whatever you can to break off the A, but if you re-read Dr. Harley's information on this site, the best way to cope is to do what you can with exposure, etc, and then just let it die on its own. Otherwise, she is going to harbor resentment towards you. She will use it as an excuse to make you the bad guy, and push her farther into the arms of OM. It may be in your best interest to go to Plan B. This will most likely break them up very quickly, especially due to his financial problems. He will have to take care of her to keep her happy and fill all of her ENs. Plus, you are suffering a great deal from her cake-eating. I seriously doubt she will move away and into his autie's basement with him, ya know! I really believe this will cause a quick death of that A.

Call the Harleys...see what they think. Tell them neither one is willing to give up on the A and that as long as you provide her with a place to live and are Plan A-ing her she is not likely to end things with him. Can you afford to speak with them?

The most important thing to realize here, is that you cannot control what they do. You can only control what YOU do. You are not powerless, ya know! Try the letter to his mom, but don't expect her to help. She may, and I hope she does...for your sake.

thanks,

I just feel like its getting hopless already, WW is completely depressed and doesn't talk to me much, I continue to do my best with plan A (ie..leaving notes, and lots of small things to keep up my end of the marriage no LBs) At our last counseling session, our counselor told us we should seperate since we are both in so much pain! WW is very uncomfortable in our house, yet continues to sleep in the same bed. She is obviously in a deep fog. I want to bring her here for help, but I don't know how. she is smart, but she is looking in the wrong places for advice (she is always on messageboards on "the nest" and "Ivilliage") where there is plenty of support for seperation/divorce/affairs, you name it. I want oher to come here becuase she never finds anyone who has done the right thing and saved thier marriage. She knows the A has to end, but can't do it, so I have to try anything to save us. If she moves out I'll go to plan B, but for now I thinkg I should continue with plan A and some more exposure. If OMs mother doesn't help, then I'll got to their place of employment as a last resort.

You might want to add something to the effect of "I know you are a moral and ethical person and raised your son to be so also, so for this reason, I think you should know...."

I'm sure someone here can phrase it better. You don't want to sound like you are asking her to help you destroy him, but rather, help him find his way.

APH,

""then I'll got to their place of employment as a last resort.""

WW and OM work together?!?

I guess I missed that part of the dealeo. This should not have been the last resort but one of the first resorts.

kirk

Yes they work at the same place. WW works on the grounds and OM is a security guard. They company she works for leases out the security company, so they are not directly employed by the same company. I plan to do it, It's just a little tough. I know she loves her job so much that she might harbor resentment after I do this. I am pretty sure that OM is going to get in serious touble since he is a law major and in a security position. his supervison is x-military, and so is his father, and I know that they law enforcment and military from uppon adultery. the only problem is that I don't have any proof as of right now, and I need to get this done ASAP before she moves out. I guess I don't need proof, they can do thier own investigation.

Exposure is your most powerful weapon, aph120. The sooner it is exposed, the sooner the affair will die. Exposure is like chemotherapy to cancer.

aph, is there some reason why you are protecting their affair?

no, i can't take her affair much longer, it's killing me, everyday it gets harder. I still don't have any names to address this letter to, so I guess I'll have to make a phone call to the company tomorrow and try to get the names of the supervisors. not exactly sure how just yet, but I'll try the HR dept first.