MY exbest friend referred me to this site to help me. I was married for 18 years. My husband had heart surgery in 1999. After that his personality changed. He decided he wanted me to have sexual relationships with other men. He became obsessed with this idea and would pose as a women on the computer to seek out prospective mates for me on adult sites. I then found out he was having an affair with my cousin, about 5 years ago. We went to counselling and the counsellor said I would lose myself if I stayed with him. I was optomistic and believed his personality would change back to what it was presurgery. He persisted with his demands, which I refused to accomodate. I then found out in November 2006 that he was having an affair with my best friend for 3 years. She is the person that referred me to this sight. In March 2006 I actually had a nervous breakdown, and the last thing I remember before being taken away was her and him standing on my front steps saying you are going to be ok, prior to being sent to the hospital. I finally left him in August 2007, and now I am having a difficult time dealing with her, as we have children involved in the same activities, and also am kicking myself for not leaving him sooner. I was a strong confident women and I am now trying to get some of this back. Does anyone know what this site can do for me, or should I be looking elsewhere? Does anyone think I made the wrong decision. Is there an etiquette manual for how to deal with the OW. I know she was just s symptom of our bad marriage, however she was my best friend too and she knew all about his sexually abusive demands. What a mess. Her son and my son were best friends and her husband and my exhusband work together. My photo album is full of pictures of her family and she was my daycare provider for 3 years. We spent all holidays together, and had many mutual friends.

Welcome. What you are going through is a double betrayal. And the OW referred you HERE? Amazing.

Personally, I would have no contact with her for any reason, FOREVER. It's sad for the kids, but it's a consequence of her low down dirty behavior. And I would tell the kids exactly why.

Thank you for your reply. It is hard not to see her though. I live in a smaller city , and our children are both involved in hockey, snowboarding. I also run across her professionally. She is still with her husband and making a point of how happy they now are. I recently told some mutual friends about their affair and her husband said I was harrassing them and they would get a restraining order against me. Ad my husband refused to leave our marriage, he has portrayed me in the community as walking out on him and leaving him with the kids. We do have shared split custody, however he is a very manipulative person. I feel very low, and I feel I should defend why I left. I have not trheatened or said anything that is untrue to people, so I do not see how it can be construed as harrassment. Their threats to keep me silent have only left me to feel victimized again. I refuse to defend what they did and be the scapegoat for the demise of our marriage.

Ignore the threats of the restraining order, you are only expressing the truth...not harrassing them.

I am so sorry, small towns can make life awkward and unlivable for the BS. I would avoid as many situations as possible with her and not allow your kids to play together. Have you told your childrent the truth?

LMS 100

I am so sorry your here but welcome to MB.
I can really relate to you. My WW's first A happened with my BF. I lost my W and BF at the same time so I know how you feel. Its like being kicked to the curb and then kicked in the guts just cause your down.

There are a lot of more experienced posters here so I will bump your post back up to the top.

It may be helpful if you read as much info on the site as possible. Your Xfriend knows way more about you than we do and maybe felt there was something here for you. It also could be she feels guilt for being involved in the A. It is strange she would refer you here.
If she worked things out with her H she must have gotten help from somewhere. Maybe she posts here.

Please look around and then come back with questions. Then we can try to help.

Chris

The OW referred me to this site when I confronted her about the affair. She told me it really helped her marriage.

InfidElity is difficult on everyone and even though the kids are innocents in this, there are consequences that they will need to endure as well.

I am confused about something though. The OW's H has threatened legal action...but the OW referred you here. On one hand it sounds as though your dealings with them are civil...on the other confrontational.

I believe that whatever the costs to social interactions that you should have zero contact with these people. I would ignore their hollow threats regarding a restraining order...that really makes no sense.

The ow was my best friend and we spent all our holidays together as families. What I am confused about is how this site helped her to feel better about what she did to me, my children and our families. She provided daycare for my son, and made a big point about getting to know my husbands family. My father in law was so impressed by her, told me I could not have a better friend. She came to the rescue when I had my breakdown. Since the affair came known, I had talked to her over the phone a few times and that is when she referred me to this site. I want to find some closure some way. She was a big part of my life and it is hard to explain to my children what happened to her, when she appears in every one of my photo albums. Can anyone explain to me how this site can help her to feel good about what she has done?

LMS

Help me to understand a little bit about you.

Are you still legaally married or divorced?
I'm not sure from your post.

What is your relationship like now w/H? or x H?

Chris

no one here would do that. Perhaps we convinced her to end the affair and to work things out with her H. But no one here will excuse or make someone feel good for that type of thing.

Do you know sign on ID for this woman?

I am now separated. This was very hard for me to do as I believed that I must do everything in my power to stay with my husband and make our marriage work. When this caused me to lose my mental health, I reevaluated my position. The ow knew intimate details about my marriage as she was my best friend. My relationship with my xhusband is the same way as when we were married. He is nice to me some days and some days he is cruel. We are able to discuss the children without anomosity. I do not know the women's sign or ID. She just told me that marriage builders saved her.

What direction do you want to go concerning the M?

This site is for those wanting to better there M's or rebuild after/during infidelity.

Please let us know where your at.

Chris

Do you really think there is any hope for my marriage, given my husbands 3 affairs and sexual demands on me.

LMS100

Thats what most of this board is about.
Have you taken some time and check out other posts? Also read as much as you can about the basic consepts?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html

If you have hope that your M could possibly be saved then there are people here who have way more experience than I that could give you help. I'm a newbie.

The choice is yours what direction you want to go with this. No one here will tell you to stay or go in your M.
Thats up to each individual to decide.

If you decide to stay and work on your M thats great. If you stay and just use the information for further use thats great. Its a win-win situation mostly for you.

I was raised in a dysfunctional family so i never had good role models. I see excellant role models here and try to apply the principles to my life and M.
I have been a WS and a BS. This site keeps me grounded in what a healthy M is.

Keep comin back.

Chris

Personally, no, I don't believe there is. But that is really up to you to decide.

Not every marriage can..or should be saved.

This site is also to support you while you are dealing with infidelity. Don't feel as though you need to follow another persons script for being here.