OK, so today is a very reflective afternoon for me and I'm actually going to do a post to prove it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Five and 1/2 years ago was my Dday. So good grief what am I doing here now?(LOL)
Well, I had an awful lot to look back on. I remember Dday as if someone had just pulled the plug on my entire life, being thrust into a deep dark well with slick sides, after 31 years of M and raising a family of two wonderful sons. I saw no hope for our M to continue, and after the initial numbness wore off, was angry and resentful as a bull with a huge red flag being waved at him.
I didn't do or even have a plan a as my w's affair had ended about 9 mos. earlier before I knew it had even occurred.
The fact that she didn't confess it to me made me even more angry, as the revelation came from my Dr, who diagnosed me with and STD, after 32 years of what I had been duped to believe, was a faithful M.
I was the worst of the worst. LB, AO, DJ's flourished for literally years to follow. Can't believe at this point that my W even stayed and hung around for it. If she had left(and she did, but never more than 1 night at a time) it wouldn't have surprised me at all. I became a raging [censored], who didn't even deserve a chance at reconciliation. I was so "one better" than she was.(UGG)
Then, I found MB, and began to read. First in the infidelity section, and then of course, the Q & A section. Seemed like a light started to Shinethrough this thick head of mine. Almost seemed like a message intended for thickheads like me. Geared for just the type of person I was and had become. I began to start looking in the mirror, and didn't like the person I had morphed into. It wasn't a reflection of who I truly was. If it was, NO WOMEN would have ever married me.
So I had to go back, waaaaayyyy back, to the person that had romantically M a women in mutual love and admiration for each other. Those memories began to rekindle a spirit within me that made me realize that love can always win out over adversity. It's what saw us through the worst of times and best of times. It was consistent and true. Why would it not continue to be so?
For those in Plan A and Plan B, I feel your pain! For those who were forced to Plan D, I empathize and also feel your pain.
I would only state that Love is NOT going to let you down. Regardless of the state of your M, or R, or Dv. God still has a plan for you and your life , and hope will never be killed. In time, it will be revealed to each and every one us, one by one.
For those of you who have had the patience to read this entire thread, I feel your pain also(LOL). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
So thanks to those who knew enough to throw a cold bucket of water on me when I needed it. Thanks for the 2x4's, it didn't cause brain damage(I think). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Thanks for being here when I was totally out of control. I needed all of it!
Having said all of the above, I will now, tomorrow, the 17th, celebrate my 38th wedding anniversary with that beautiful young women who walked down the aisle with me so long ago. And I have NO regrets whatsoever!!!!!!
All Blessings,
Jerry
