Hello all. I have finally come to the conclusion that my husbands complusive lying is never going to end. He has agreed to move into an apartment for 6 months and will continue to supposrt our son (will start Kindergarten in fall) and myself (is stay home but am an RN so can get work) during that timeframe. Any advice for surviving this time alone? Our best case senario is that some time alone to work on his lying issues with MB will make him see the light and become an honest person. Reality is that we have spent the last four years dealing with his lying. We have gone through two counselors, EMD treatments, medication for depression/anxiety, and attempted without success to complete the Marriage Builders program because he can't conpete his Honestly lessons.

How much contact should we have with each other during this time? Currently we talk on the phone quite a bit during the day. What to tell the neighbors and friends? Should he come over for dinner or should he have to be on his own? What about visitation with our son? I know I have to be generous with visitation especially if we do divorce so I look like a decent person in front of the judge. A good friend practices family law and has given me the non-sugarcoated verson of what joint custody is and what irks a judge.

I am finally to my breaking point. Emotionally I am just done with my husband. The only problem is we have 5 year old son so divorce is not going to be easy or a clean break. If we didn't have our son we would already be divorced but I would like to see things work for his sake but have been disapointed to many times to expect <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />change on my husbands part.

Any advice is welcome.

Whetever you decide, please do it for the child, not the judge. Just a suggestion to check your motivation.

I would spend some time alone deciding what you need. Your child needs a helathy parent - be that parent. If the lying persists, then he chose your course, just be ready for it.

You are the only one who can decide what type of contact is best for your situation, during separation or post-divorce. I found that just saying "we're separated and working on our marriage" should be all that is necessary, and I wouldn't volunteer THAT unless someone asked directly. People do not need the details (even though some think they do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />). Whatever you say, keep in mind that it might come back to bite you - either in divorce settlement or in hurtful things said to, or in front of, your son. I know that's the last thing you want.

One thing I did wonder, however - if you are following the MB principles, and have even used the Harleys as counselors (or attended a MB weekend or program) then have you asked them what to do? And what are you doing to work on *you*? Can you chart your own growth as an individual/mother/wife in the last 6-12 months?