I'm really not the jerry springer type that wants to have a cat fight in the parking lot. However I do have this need to approach this person to say "look I'm a real person you are doing this too" "We have real children together"
I think it is got to be easier when the OP doesn't have a face for the wife. Then its almost like they don't exist.

What's the rule here?

I am NO expert on this, but this is what I did.

I have not ONCE talked to or truly seen OW until 12-7-07 which was almost 7 months from D-day. I have NO CLUE where the strength came, but I walked right up to her and my WH and introduced myself.

BS: Hi, I'm BS
OW: Hi, I'm OW
BS: I know (in a very cold tone)
BS: Then I turned WH and said in my most sweetest voice, I am so glad you are here.

I walked away and didn't look back..

Later when we were leaving the field, I got ahead of OW, and in a somewhat way of blocking her, when she came down the ramp, I completely ignored her.

For me, there is NO REASON to talk to her any longer. I met her, she is NOTHING to me but someone who is SICK and HURTING. She is destroying my FAMILY and I consider her an enemy. I will NOT WASTE my time or energy on someone who quite frankly absolutely disgusts me and needs HELP. Not to mention she is REALLY HARD on MY EYES. I need to protect them.

Anyone else?

I confronted both of the OW in my situation (before I found MB). The first one (by phone) promised to back off but it was a lie. The second one (in person) eventually broke it off. I don't know for sure if it was because we met, but it helped me to face her. My DH was livid both times.

I think most people here would say don't waste your breath. They are OW and have an OW mentality.

I think it might be different for men. I know that when I finally confronted the OM, he NEVER made another attempt to contact my ex again. I think he realized the repercussions for doing so would have greatly outweighed any benefit he might have gotten from the contact.

I also spoke with both OW...the As were 4 years apart. I was extremely calm and honest both times. OW(s) acted nice and seemed very surprised that I wasn't a wacko. Apparently, they had been lied to as well. Go figure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

HOWEVER, that is NOT how those convos typically go! I think those 2 women were just afraid of me because they were military or law enforcement and I had the ability to really make their lives difficult. Besides, when I spoke to them, the A's were already dying (coincidentaly as soon as I found out about them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />)

If you do decide to speak to the OP, don't expect anything from it! It's very possible the OP will lie, say hurtful things to wound you, laugh in your face, etc. Only you can decide whether or not it's worth the risk of additional pain.

Lori

CONFRONTATION..no..you don't want to go to the OW's GUTTER..JERRY SPRINGER LEVEL...

Informing her...as MEL advocates..that's another story...that's OK..to cooly and calmly let her know that you LOVE YOUR HUSBAND...and will FIGHT for him..I did tell the OW that by phone..and then hung up...

The FOW in my case..didn't care..she didn't care about breaking up our marriage..hurting me or..hurting our children...it was ALL ABOUT HER..

So she would have used ANY further, more direct or heated CONTACT against me..to further DESTROY my family...

IMO, this is mainly between YOU and your WH...

She is YOUR ENEMY and your job is TO STRATEGIZE AGAINST her...to be HER FOE..TO FIGHT HER...

Not with words,though...but with MIGHT...WORK THE MBer's PLANS!!

The first meeting between myself and the OM after my wife confessed her A (which she said was over, but the EA part was still going on) was a bit, erm, *unusual*. So unusual in fact that I can't detail it here, otherwise it might give my identity away immediately, if the OM is perusing this forum. If anyone really wants to know what happened, drop me an e-mail or IM me (maninmotion2005@hotmail.com), and I'll only be telling the regulars here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Note: this was all prior to MB. If I'd discovered MB after D-Day but before confronting him, I would have likely chosen to go to their office (my FWW and the OM used to work together), request a meeting with the HR Manager (who happens to be a friend of the extended family), invite the OM and my WW to the meeting, then expose the A and ask the HR Manager what she planned to do about it.