so i am currently in plan b and boy is it harder then i thought. i found out something i wished i hadn't. i confirmed he is dating someone and having sex with them since he spent almost $150 in lingerie. my heart just broke in five different part when i found this out.

but i still stay silent, stay still.

well all my friends and his have said i just need to file for divorce. they tell me he will never do it so i might as well because it is very obvious he is never coming back.

i just tell them that i am staying true to my marriage vows and if he really wants a divorce he will have to file.

but to be honest i am so broken down right now a big chunk of me says to file just to get it all over with. my body and my mind is just so sick of this fight that i am afraid there will be nothing left of me at the end.

i guess i am looking for some encouraging or something. i still believe if he really wants the divorce he needs to file. i do not want to be forced into it all like i was the legal sep.

just some words from those that don't completely hate his guts would be helpful.

I am someone who is getting ready for Plan B. So my knowledge is WAY limited.

From what I understand of Plan B, how did you find something? And aren't you supposed to stay dark from any information either to or from WH?

I'm not asking to put you on the spot as this is a learning lesson for me.

How long have you been in Plan B? Were you completely in sync for it?

UTB, are your finances protected? Do you have children? How long have you been married? How do you know what he spent?

Part of the purpose of Plan B is to actually protect you from the kind of information you got. Did you do Plan A, and write a Plan B letter and do you have an intermediary?

How long have you been in Plan B and were you separated for some time prior to that? Friends and family often do encourage you to divorce - because they love you and hate to see you unhappy and they think that getting a divorce will make you less unhappy. But divorce shouldn't be made on the advice of friends. Divorce, when left to you, should be made when you are ready and choose to pursue it. That's your decision, not your friends.

Sorry for all the questions, but I'm not familiar with your story. Hang in there though, there will be more responses soon.

i found out because i had to get the amount he has in our checking account for the rest of my sep paperwork, trust me i did not seek it out on purpose. i couldn't get just an amount from the bank, they gave me the first page of the statement.

i have a separate checking account which is my main one so i am good. no kids and yes he moved out in June and just moved into his own apartment this january. i wrote a short plan b email on 12/26 because i could not handle the constant rejection from him, it just hurt too much so i had to let go. plus he stopped talking to me because it was too hard for him to do so. yet anytime he had a question about how the bills (his bills, i used to handle both of ours) he would contact me. or to tell me he moved to a "friends" house. or he would email me to let me know he could not receive emails on his phone just in case i tried to contact him.

i have a friend who i have been forwarding his email to and she tells me what he has asked such as why i did not want to take a lump sum payment for the remainder of the rent. when she told him why, he sent another email, "well yeah but can you ask her why?"

i had to see his mom but it was quick and i talked about her mainly. it's all so new but i am trying hard to cut myself off from him completely.

we have mutual friends too but i don't know what to say to them. they ask me questions because it's too sore a subject to bring up to him.

Hi UTB,

I'm about to move to Plan B, but I have to wait until my house is sold as I just can't afford to move without the sale.

I've been in Plan A for over 10 months, way too long and the constant rejection gets me thinking I don't want to save this I just want a life. I suppose I've haven't been in a full plan A because I moved out for a while and now my WW has moved out, which has given me some rest bite.

As they say all the time our WS's are in their A there is very little we can do and we must wait until the A dies a natural death. Reading your mail helps me realise that I'm not alone in feeling how I feel and no doubt others before us and others after us will feel the same.

I'm constantly told that I should accept my marriage is over and get a divorce, but whether its just so I can see if all of this comes true I don't know but there is no rush for me to get the big D and this annoys my WW who tells me I can't let her go. I told her if she wants a divorce then she has to go and get it, but she can't take me to court for unreasonable grounds because it doesn't sit comfortable with her.

Plan B is about you as well to prepare for not getting back together with your WH. No one can tell you you are wrong if you give up as that's down to you and no one else.

Take care and remember some days are better than others.
HAF