i messed up big
#3374193 - 01/09/08 01:19 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply



i have been so mean to her i didnt want to be but i couldent stop myself well she has this friend named phil she new him before we met i really didnt care she was with me but i went to school for work and she called me one night really upset he told her he liked her and he wanted her to leave me and go with him she said no and they stopped talking so ok cool i was their for her and then we got married now i am in iraq and her brother got married so phil came to the wedding and him and her made up i was ok with that but about 3 weeks later she flew to go see him and i was not ok with that i told her and she said she was going anyway we faught i well i faught i told her i didnt want her to see him and got pretty mad well she came home and we started doing better but she went with her brither to ga for a new years party and phil went to now i am really mad cause i think this dude is really trying to step in on my wife while i am gone and i am scared so i get all weird in the head and say some stupid stuff and just went on a rant and i hurt her pretty bad not phisicly i would never do that but we talked and i know she would never do anything with him i just dont want to see her hurt like she was that night on the phone it killed me well i am honestly over this phil thing i dont care i will just be their for her if she needs me well she wasent happy still she sounded so sad so i told her that if she wants a devorce i will go with it nicely no issues if she wants but i made clear that i dont want one i just love her and want her to be happy and if i hurt her that bad than this might be the only thing to make her feel better well i was hopeing she would say no i love you and i want to workthis out well she didnt she said she wants to think about this it sucks i love her and i dont know what to do i just want my wife back i will do anything to sho her i dont care where she goes or with who it is only importent that she comes back to me i see this now when it is to late i really think she wants to leave me she says she is still in love with me very much and is not real mad but that she is so very hurt and i am cool with that i will go to see someone if i need to i will do anything i love her i really do and i know she does i just think it is where i am that is playing a big part in this the stress is so high you have no idea i am in iraq first time and we have only been married 1 year and 2 months i have been here 8 months now i have seen 10 of my best friends killed and she knowes that i cant talk about my job securety reasons and i think she is feeling the stress to well i am sorry for going on and on but i really cant talk to that menny people about this and well i would like somebode to please give me some ideas i have made it really clear to her i am sorry and i love her and i dont care about her friends as long as she comes home to me please help i camt sit face to face with her and talk and we have never had anykinde of fight before this we are great together this being apart is killing my marrige and i cant do nothing except sit back and watch HELP

Welcome to MarriageBuilders, Twista...

Your pain and fear are really apparent in your post. Sounds to me like you want very much to save your marriage.

Which is what MarriageBuilders is all about.

Unfortunately, you've posted in a forum that doesn't get much traffic...maybe difficult for a lot of us oldies to remember back to when we had only been married a year and two months...I don't know.

I know I didn't spend eight months of it away from my spouse. That's a special added hardship, which I think you convey really well in your post.

There are others here on MB who are in the military...even in Iraq, right now, who have been in your shoes...know where to walk and understand. You're not alone. You're not crazy.

Would you consider doing a few things to your post and moving it, so you can receive responses? I understand what a pain punctuation can be...yet, for old eyes to read, comprehend...goes a long way in communication to put in the periods, the paragraphs (paragraphing often helps our minds to understand in bites, store them with markers). Doesn't have to be perfect...you aren't ignored for putting a comma where a semi-colon should be...I don't think.

As a reader, I see a barrage of pain, lots of facts lost in your post. You're worth seeing...your marriage is worth helping. I hope you will revise your post, copy and paste it to the Infidelity: General Questions II forum...lots of traffic, where RIF and Mortarman post...and others...like Longhorn, can help.

The whole Phil thing is your wife crossing a marital boundary. Not healthy for the marriage...which has you, her and the marriage in it. No room for Phil or other single males...even as friends.

Dr. Harley calls it protecting our weaknesses...especially with you deployed. Please read all articles on this website, beginning with Basic Concepts (links to the right of your screen). When you know more, you can do better...and Dr. Harley writes in our language...very understandable, readable, and I hope for you, comforting.

You can do far more than sit back and watch...you are half of your marriage. That doesn't change. You can't change her, or her choices...understanding more about what you can choose to do and not do is your responsibility.

Thank you for being here, for being brave and posting.

I hope you will continue.

LA