My husband is leaving me (tomorrow) for his new GF (15 years younger) and abandoning his children to live in another country with her. If it's all about him why do I blame myself? How do I stop comparing myself to her? Clearly I have to Plan B but how can you come back from this, how could you entertain the idea of reconciliation when all they have done is betray you and lie to you?

And lastly, without judgement — How could I be physical with this man, knowing he is cheating, knowing he is making plans to be with her? I've been with him about 8 times since Christmas (more times in a month than when we were together) Is sexual contact some sort of closure? Are there other men or women out there who feel this strong need to be with their ex even though they know it is wrong? Am I just taking the crumbs because I am desperate? And is he just doing it because he feels sorry for me? What does that say about his relationship with her? And me?

I will take any advice here.

Unconditional I'm sorry you find yourself here. Can you provide a little more info? When did you find out about his A, how long have you been M, how old are your children?

IMO you are probably trying to connect in a way that you think he'll recognize or that you need. I'm not sure and wouldn't even hazzard a guess as to his reasons they could be reasonable (for a WS) or self serving.

It's all happened so fast. He met this girl in November and by January he's leaving me to be with her!

PA Nov. 10
D-Day Nov 22
Married 10 years
DS 5 and DD3

WEll, he says he met her in November. Leaving that fast causes one to seriously doubt that.

Your actions seem to be those of one who is caught off guard and fighting for their marriage. Not the best course of action, but completely understandable.

I would say you are best to TRY and step back, let him go, and get yourself in order. Not an easy task, but one you need to do.

Do NOT chase after him or beg him in any way, it will just empower him and chase him further away.

Let him go. And move on? I will get myself and my kids in order....

Sometimes you moving on will make you more attractive to him, especially when the day to day grind wears on his "new" ( I still doubt that ) relationship.

Even if it doesn't, you need to improve yourself for YOU, not anyone else.

Years ago I tore myself up over someone who didn't want me anymore. I came out of it and decided that I was going to make myself better. Did so, she noticed and wanted me back, but by then I was over her and able to find a wonderful woman with a great heart.

SYF definitely traded up!

There's hope yet.

Unconditional please check with an attorney if you haven't already just to clarify your legal standings, financial, children, home, etc.

If he leaves you want to secure your finances (close joint checking/savings account or have his name removed),assets, custody issues, and child support to name a few. You may also want to have any credit cards closed so that he cannot run up bills and leave you to pay them. Make sure you protect you and your childrens position.

Doing these things does not mean you have to give up on your M, they just protect your family until the 'alien' leaves your WH.

Read everything you can here, ask questions you will get support from the MB community.

(((thoughts & prayers to you)))

Unconditional how's it going?