Ha... Thought you could hide from me hey.

((((SOON))))

You alright? I still remember the feeling and have the picture in my mind of the first e-mail I found. That was D-day#1 for the EA. This does not tell you anything you didn't already know right?

I see he's still fence sitting on you. Did he come over to watch the game with DS? Are you still in the "I don't know if I want him back" mode?

Last, don't switch threads, It messes us up. LOL

Remember you have friends here, and it's a real good place to vent.

Take care!!!

TMTS- ;-) wasn't trying to hide. I'm doing ok this morning. I went to sleep praying and woke up saying to myself "not if he comes home, it's WHEN he comes home"... ahhh be still, I know! Just don't know how some people can hold on for years!

I didn't learn a lot from the emails and texts-no, but I guess it was rubbing salt in a wound, I did it to myself by reading them.... but I did see that she's had to reasure him about someone else she had been see... so that's 1 against her! 1 for me!

Game is tomorrow, I think he still plans on watching it with son. Don't think he'd lie to son about something like that. He's also taking him to see a movie this afternoon... more time away from the "wart hog"

Still haven't learned how to take care of myself, that's what my problem is.

Give you too much time to think dosen't it. I know what you mean. I find the weekends worse because at least at work you can keep yourself distracted.

How about a home exercise program? Are you a reader?

ugh... that means getting up from the computer ;-) you are right though... work keeps my mind elsewhere, I'm sure I've mentioned it before I LOVE MY NEW JOB!!

I'll be pretty busy today, gotta get groceries... should dig out one of the many exercise dvds I bought with good intentions and haven't used... and yes I should probably read some fiction for once!

what are your plans for the day?

I started off with some good
Plan A action. My WW is working today. So I started off by making her breakfast, then got her hot chocolate ready to go, then moved the cars around, cleared off the snow and warmed it up for her. Then the little bonus, have a good day, I love you note stuck to her phone.

Right now I'm reformatting and reloading my home computer. Then I got to clean out the fridge and start laundry. Supper plan is for Shepard pie. UUMMMM.
Can't forget the 3 miles on the treadmill.

(((((Serenity))))

The salt only stings for a little bit honey....

TAKE CARE OF YOU.....get your bottom onto the GODDESS link and check in EVERY DAY...this is very important, it has been helpful for me and gives me some accountability in this department...DO IT TODAY...AND EVERY DAY FROM HERE ON OUT.......

Not giving you a hard time, just trying to push you into getting help in this area....

and yes, get a fiction book. I got to the chapter on "Recreational Needs" in HNHN, that chapter ticked me off SO bad, that I put it down and read a fiction book. Helped lightened my brain. Besides, with everything we read on here and books we are reading, sometimes it is just TOO much information on the brain (not saying they aren't worthwhile to read, just sometimes it is hard to keep it all straight....).

I love ya honey, keep your chin up and chest out...as GODDESS Mimi would say...and hang in there....


Not2fun

Hi SS,

I am not familiar with your situation, but I think I have read enough here to want to underline the fact that you seem to already KNOW what you need to do....now, you need to figure out HOW to best do it!



and TMTS is right.....



Stop messing us up..LOL!

As you can see from my signature line...just want to point out that I am proof, like many here, that one can get through an A: PLAN A, and if need be, PLAN B (a God-sent plan as far as I am concerned for Personal Recovery, if not for M recovery, in helping one survive an A quite nicely, thank you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) and am now on the path for Plan D, but at peace with myself believing I have done all that I can, waited long enough, and my WS is still choosing NOT to want to recover our M, as I have every right NOT to want to continue ANY kind of relationship with him (like he would like), other than what is necessary to facilitate life for my two boys.

Know that you will be OK... try, if you can, to be kinder to yourself in the process by considering to stop forcing on yourself 'evidence' of what you already know (unless, of course, you have a need to have a reality check and be reminded and/or confirmed of what you already know, just because you cannot believe it, still!).... just know that the price is lovebank withdrawals.... which is NOT what you need at this point (if you can help it!) if you're aiming M recovery!

...please do keep reminding yourself....that with or without M recovery... you will be..OK! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

(((((((((((((SS))))))))))))))

Hey SS...

Snooping can sure be a double-edged sword. We NEED information that's relevant about OUR lives, yet it is always hurtful to read...

It's almost as though we are hoping to find evidence that the A is NOT happening, then it's a crushing blow to come face to face with such ugly and wanton betrayal...

It's SO true that we need to limit how much time spent reading about relationships, reading posts here and most importantly, thinking about what's going on in your life right now!!!

It's a fine line between letting yourself feel the feelings of hurt and pain, and letting those same feelings CONTROL you.

You are doing a GREAT job, SS, you are STRONG!!!

L2F

Hey Serenity...how's it going today?

Serenity! Your date at the movies with WH, how did it go? Tell all! I'm so excited to hear how much fun you had.

Free

I used Key logger also . I payed for it so the icon was invisible , I read it for a while then saved the letters to hard drive, Then printed them out and left them in front of the computer for him to find(give him a shock) . No use in being a secret that you know that he is cheating . also send a copy to her , His mother & every one else - preacher friends so as they can see , read what a $h.t he is

Hi Soon,

How did the game go? He did come over right?

How are you doing?

Doing good. Took the girls to see 27 dresses this evening, good chick flick.

Yep he came over, for the first half. I'm sure that was disappointing to our son. He actually came over a lot earlier than the game. He didn't seem to be in a real good mood... i'm thinking (hoping) life in paradise isn't soo good right now.

I'm hanging in there. Today I'm feeling that I'll be fine without him and perhaps there will be someone else out there for me, when the pain of this has healed. Do I still want him to come home for good, yes!!! But... with each day I'm trying to be stronger incase that doesn't happen. Watch tomorrow I'll be here bawling my eyes out crying that I can't go on without him... self imposed roller coaster ride, I don't know.

Thanks for asking TMTS... heading over to catch up on your thread right now.

I feel horrible, this poor kid has been put in a position to be the man of the house. I know exactly what that's like. Has he become more serious and withdrawn since your WH left? They think that the kids will be ok... ask your S if he feel ok right now, there is nothing worse for a boy than to not feel accepted by his F.

And about this someone else thing... if he doesn't wake up, then he doesn't deserve you! You will not find someone else, you'll find someone better!

Serenity,

I laughed when I saw the title of this post. You're not stupid---but you're doing something that's going to hurt your ability to Plan A and Plan B effectively. The Harley's counsel that if you know the affair is going on, spying can be counterproductive---you're not learning anything new, but reading the crap can really hurt your love for your spouse.

So---I would suggest that you not collect the info. If you're going to collect the info, forward it unseen to a very trusted (extremely so) friend who will go over it for you and alert you to anything 'serious' (like he's skipping the country with your millions). And if you do decide to collect the info and read it---well---don't do as I did---do as I say. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I did get trained off the spying pretty quickly... it really didn't help me put together a better Plan A.

TMTS,

We are keeping you as our own personal cheerleaders.... You are one terrific man. Let's not even go there calling your WW names.... Though I can think of a 5 letter word beginning with s and ending with d....

I feel your pain. When I found out FWH had been cheating on me - with 2OW, I insisted on knowing all his passwords and email accounts. Instead of giving him time to erase everything, I logged on immediately and found messages they'd sent to each other (OW #1) full of undying love and cutesy nicknames just hours before I found out. I felt like the floor had dropped out beneath me.

As I continued to dig into his email accounts (I know, I know, dangerous activity), I found more emails with their plans of cycling trips to far away places (what a fantasy!) and calling me names like "Slowpoke" and "UG" (Ungrateful girl). I found out that he had taken her to a movie and dessert on the "anniversary" of their first physical encounter.

I still have those emails - I copied them to a Word file. I know that's dangerous, too. I takes a lot of willpower not to look at them, because when I do, I get angry, vengeful and mostly sad.

I know they do not communicate any more - neither OW. Although OW #2 continues to try to text him. I have changed his passwords on all the forums he was once on and have access to all his email, so I do check from time to time to see that he is not sending them anything. Both of them are blocked from sending emails to any of his accounts.

I know he really resents the intrusion into his "privacy", but that's all over now, baby! No more secrets, no more lies.

Ok, I know that I [color:"blue"] HAVE [/color] forgiven my still WH. And I know why I have chosen to forgive him.

What are your reason(s) for forgiving your WS??

I don't agree with FORGIVING the WS until you get the NC LETTER and are IN RECOVERY..

Check out the HARLEY VIDEO that's been BUMPED UP...

FORGIVENESS IS NOT WARRANTED for a WS...

Because I love him. I made many mistakes that created an environment for this to happen. I made a commitment to G-d not once but twice when we renewed our vows 10 years ago. I buy that he is in an ADDICTION and therefore sick. I married him in sickness and in health.

NOW, I am learning so much more, about my part in all of this. I no longer beat myself up about my mistakes just want the opportunity to make amends and move forward with a new marriage. I also have forgiven him because that's just who I am.