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This is my shout out to you.
I wish so much for you to try to work PLAN A because it is ESSENTIAL before going into PLAN B, IMO..
PLAN A and then PLAN B..
In order to do PLAN A, you have got to find ways to INSULATE yourself from your WS.
I can speak mostly from experience with a WH but I guess it also applies to WWs.
ACCEPT..ACCEPT..that contact with the OP will be continuing HOT and HEAVY.
FOCUS on YOURSELF. Do not focus on the WAYWARD. Focus on YOUR PLAN of ACTION.
DO NOT GET CAUGHT in the traps that the WAYWARD will set up for you to LB. He wants you to get focused off of YOUR PLAN in order to justify continuation of the affair.
Buy into the notion that the affair is an ADDICTION. You are not gonna be able to talk him out of it, beg him out of it, yell him out it...
The only thing that you can do is PLAN A right now..
When you need to vent or yell or scream, do it ALONE. YELL in your car or in the shower.
YOUR wayward spouse wants you to FAIL at this.
This is NOT between YOU AND THE OP, IMO. This is between you and your spouse. Wanting to talk with the OP is still about your desire to STOP IT, to keep this from happening, to put an end to the nightmare...but contact with the OP will not do it...
What will work are THESE PLANS.
This is written off the top of my head 'cause I wanted to SHOUT OUT AT YOU..
I remember when I was THERE and stepping back now..I know what worked for ME and OUR MARRIAGE...
Last edited by mimi_here; 01/18/08 06:56 PM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Mimi,
It's too late for me to read this plan A. I was in rage, withdrawl, numb, screaming and yelling. I guess my reacts was contribute to WH contacted the OW again, re-ignited the affair. I wish I see this note 4 months ago.
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Thank you for the tips and reminders. I'm having a hard time with plan A as a new BH....this all helps a ton.
ILA
Male 34 (1st Marriage)
WW 32 (2nd Marriage)
Met 7/02
Moved In 10/02
Married 6/07
EA D-Day 1/5/08
PA D-Day 1/8/08
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Mimi, I love this....thank you and I am taking kudos.. For the MOST PART I am working a very good Plan A with what I have to work with. But there is ALWAYS room for improvement which is what Plan A is all about. It's a win/win isn't it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by skinsgal; 01/18/08 07:43 PM.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Thank you for the re-direction. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
FS: Me, 31
WS: Dh, 36
DD's: 6, 4 weeks
D-Day: 11/16/07
Plan A: 1/13/07
Recovery: 3/10/08
My Original Thread
God's timing is perfect. He is never late.
--Joyce Meyer Battlefield of the Mind
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Here's another thing...
I was guilty of thinking this do...
Most likely your WS is not all that different or special..
Most likely your WS is GARDEN-VARIETY..following the STANDARD WS SCRIPT...
You can be DIFFERENT and DON'T do what comes NATURAL...FOLLOW your PLAN...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Good timing for the shout.....
Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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This is a awesome thread, Mimi, kudos to you!!!
Love in Christ,
Miss M
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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I'm just so sad for the GODDESSES that are hurting these days... I HATE AFFAIRS!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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From THE ART OF WAR..by Sun Tzu...cause THIS IS A WAR...
When able to attack..seem unable; when using our forces....seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy feel that we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near.
Miss M speaks of this to Serenity....
The affair, WH and the OP are the enemy.
HE IS NO LONGER YOUR HUSBAND...HE MAY LOOK AND ACT LIKE YOUR HUSBAND BUT IT IS NOT REALLY HIM..HE HAS BEEN ABDUCTED BY AN ALIEN...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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"Love the life you live, live the life you love." Bob Marley
BS(me)37
WH(37)
DS1
Dau from prev M 16
Married 4/06
D-day 6/06, again 11/06, again 4/07
Plan A'd all over the place, then
Injunction 10/07, WH moved in with OW
WH has own place 12/07
1/08 Plan B
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"Disciplined and calm, to await the appearance of disorder and hubbub amongst the enemy-this is the art of retaining self-possession"
In other words, FOCUS ON INSULATING YOURSELF.
"Do not pursue an enemy who simulates flight"
In other words, DO NOT BEG AND PLEAD.
"Do not swallow a bait offered by the enemy"
"SUCH IS THE ART OF WARFARE"
SUN TZU...THE ART OF WAR...CHAPTER 7
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Wonderful post....I needed to read that!
Thanks,
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and this is why Mimi is the the "ORIGINAL ULTIMATE GODDESS"...
I know I can learn from you experience, I want to learn from you experience, my scrabbled-up emotions emotions just get the better of me....(sigh)...for now i will read, learn, and apply......
(((MIMI)))
not2fun
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Great Stuff Mimi!!! Is it just me, or are BSs more subject to ADD than other people??? I have to keep being reminded of the obvious <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Thanks so much!!! L2F
If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, you get what you're given, it's all how you use it... Pink
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A few other points.
It's helpful to think of PLAN A as the process of CREATING UNFORGETTABLE MEMORIES OF YOU to leave with the WS for PLAN B..so it's alright, I think, to go over the top, if you can..at certain times..
Again..in case I said this before...DON'T GAUGE your EFFECTIVENESS by the WS' RESPONSE to your ACTIONS..Who knows what's going on with the alien other than the focus on GETTING and MAINTAINING the AFFAIR DRUG and subsequent HIGH...REMEMBER: the alien wants to get you out of focus, wants you to be the BAD GUY, to justify continuation of the affair..He's got to HIDE his ENJOYMENT and PLEASURE from you...
ON THE OTHER HAND, I think a PROLONGED PLAN A can serve to ENABLE the affair..so PLAN A does need to come to a close AS SOON AS POSSIBLE..but PLAN A needs to last AS LONG AS POSSIBLE...I read about a time frame on here somewhere that others may know more about than me...To me, it's seems like A BALANCING ACT..long enough to EVIDENCE ability to meet ENs..SHORT ENOUGH to keep the wayward from getting TOO COMFORTABLE with getting needs met by two people..in other words, learning to ENJOY CAKE-EATING...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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"Do not swallow a bait offered by the enemy" Do you think the conversation about WH reading that particular book and the talk about "our" house was bait?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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This quote refers to BAIT offered to get you to FIGHT....saying "WE" when referring to him and the OW would be BAIT, I think.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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And I ABSOLUTELY DIDN'T BITE.... G-d must be very proud of the restraint I am showing when WH talks. I know I am. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And remember the picture in his office would be considered BAIT then wouldn't it. How I have changed. Can you slip over to my thread. I need to ask you a addiction question.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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And remember the picture in his office would be considered BAIT then wouldn't it. YEP..picture is BAIT....of the EVIL ONE'S
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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