Okay, so my husband did not come clean on his own about cheating. Instead, I found out about his girlfriend on my own. He was battling an addiction to online dating sites where he would chat up women and never follow through. We were seeing our pastor and I thought he was doing better.

Instead, he was only getting better at hiding his conversations until one escalated. He says he only me and slept with her once, but I wonder. I'm not sure I can ever believe anything he tells me.

Unlike many of the stories I hear here, he doesn't claim to love his mistress, instead, he tells me he loves me and has stopped all communication with her. She didn't know he was married and told him she didn't want anything to do with him when she found out.

My husband is not a very emotional man. He says he is mad at himself for becoming the type of person he has always despised. Yet, I haven't truly seen any emotional response from him other than his attempts to cover his tracks.

He had an email address that he was using to receive the singles sites notices, he had said he didn't have the password for. He now admits he lied about not having the password, only now he says he has shut it down and still won't give me access to the email. I want to believe him, but I don't.

We have been talking honestly about what happened in pieces. I'll ask him questions and he gives me answers. Such as wether he used condoms, how many times he met up with her, etc.

The one comonality he has with the stories here has been the habitual lying. He would rather lie than be honest if it's possible a fight may break out. I don't know how to get my husband to talk to me. I don't know how to get him to be honest.

He met his girlfriend online, does that mean we should remove the internet temptation from our home? He was textmessaging her on his phone, should we block messaging on the phones? Will he resent me for making such drastic changes?

He says he loves me and understands that it will take me time to heal and for him to rebuild my trust and faith in him. There are times that I mouth off at him and take sharp jabs at him about his affair. I am trying hard to make deposits into his love bank by doing things and being more like what he wants, but I can't help but ask him about why he made the decision to sleep with another woman.

I have tied to be patient and show him that I still love him, but is their a line between showing support and love and knowing when they are walking all over you and taking your patience and kindness and using it against you to try and pull the wool over your eyes? How do you know? Will I ever trust and believe my husband ever again?

Will he cheat again?

I really am in no position to answer your questions (you'll find my own thread in this forum). All I can do is offer a few very simple ideas.

Understand that you may never know the truth. That's a brutal realization to accept.

He will tell you what he wants to tell you.

You have no power over your husband. Much like telling the waves to stop coming ashore, you are powerless to all but your own self.

In turn, there lies your priority. Your self.

Patience is paramount at a time like this. Haste will only bring confusion.

Be at peace tonight. The best way you know how.

Read as much as you can on this website, starting at the "home" page. Order "Surviving an Affair" and read it cover to cover. You will then have a much better idea how affairs happen and why, and how to combat all of the fallout.

Affairs are very much alike and common, as you will find the more you read here. They are very much like addictions to crack or heroin, and very difficult to break.

Using the principals you will see discussed on this site will help you more than you will believe. But it takes a great deal of commitment and dedication to succeed.

Knowledge is power, so begin learning all you need to know to win this battle.

Not really my area, but the one thing I do know is that, if you have a spouse who is having affairs, you MUST have him/her confront the act, bring it out into the open, admit it to family and people affected, especially the other woman (women) and their own spouses, if applicable.

In other words, accept nothing short of him coming clean to everyone involved. If he is unwilling, you must set strong boundaries. Please read those boundaries here and execute them. Your marriage will not survive without you doing so.

The other thing you must do is examine your own part in the whole thing. You should be treating him as you want to be treated. If you think he disrespects you, stop disrespecting him. If he ignores you, do NOT ignore him. It works.