I am very confused I was doing plan A and my husband moved out he said it was cause he was sick of destroying me. OW is leaving in 2 months. So now i am thinking he just wants to spend time with her. Or maybe I wasn't doing plan A. So I guess my question would be to I continue plan a for the next two months or go to plan B? He said he was going to call me tomorrow so I need to know if I should answer it or not?

Ty
Dallas

Well he just called me at 11pm and i didn't answer he says he really needs to talk to me and he is losing it. whatever that means. So I guess I will explain my situation a little more so I can get some good advice because I am so confused. So I found out about the A pretty quickly because I have always been noises with what he does ex. his voice mail, text message, email, myspace, bank account. I have access to it all but the problem is that I cant exposes him at work because he would get his paychecks cut in half and we have a house that we can barely afford already. We can't sell the house because the housing market took a huge dive right after we bought it. So anyway OW is getting moved in two months as I said before. I have been doing plan A for about a month. Honestly not that well more like a emotional rollercoaster as my H puts it. But he is totally addicted to A he keeps trying to stop it and then starts it agian. So I am wondering if since he moved out today if I should start plan B or try for a better plan A? And should I do plan A until OW is gone? That is a long time to do plan A lol

Plan A is your plan. You get to make your self improvements so that you c/b attractive to your real spouse. Don't try to lure the WS back. They don't like people with values. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

If he is confused, tell him to go get help. As a WS he won't listen to you. He may complain and blame you but he probably won't listen to you, so direct him to another source. Doctor, IC/MC, Steve H @ MB, a mature relative or friend with a strong backbone or who has dealt with this kind of WS stupidity and can set him straight.

Finish reading SAA & HNHN. Let us know what you think about the suggestions in those books and your status.

take care,
L.

I have only read how to survive an affair but I will read it again tonight to better understand what I have to do tomorrow. But I should talk to him then and just not try and get him to come home?

oh by the way your reverse babble made me laugh so hard orchid ty for that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Talk to him, definitely. Don't try to get him to come home, although if he brings up the subject you could tactfully express your feelings to him.

"Husbands and wives should be together."
"I would like it if you moved back home."
"I want for us to be happy and together."


This is much different than

"Why won't you come home?"
"But I need you to come home."
"Please please please please please please please come home!!!"

The first is a strong wife expressing her loving feelings, the second is a needy desperate person trying and hoping to make an alien do something they don't want to.

Most assuredly you want to be in Plan A right now, whether or not he moves home. I doubt his location will matter much in the long run - just do the best you can with the circumstances you are given.

Now as to how long to Plan A, that you will need to play by ear. Maybe you will want to go into Plan B around the time she leaves, and maybe you will wind up doing it sooner. Don't worry right now about the timing. Just keep on Plan A'ing your best, and when the time comes for Plan B you will probably know it. (And if you don't, you can bet the good folks here will see it for you, too.)

So with him, be chatty and happy, only letting him see your pain once in a while.

Does he have any family you can expose to? Does the OW have any family you could write to, asking for their help as she is dating a married man? Any friends who would recoil in disgust from someone who is destroying their marriage over an immoral woman?

I expose to my FIL and MIL last night and SIL a few days ago. LOL now he doesn't want to go stay with them <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. OW family I have no idea how to write them I know that they are on the east coast and we are on the west coast and I don't even know her last name. I have told his friends just not the one's he works with because I can't for many reasons.

So then I have another question how do I keep from showing him my pain I am in so much and I keep having some AO because he is not trying to fix anything. I know that he won't want to til she is gone. I can't help it one min. he is telling me he wants to be with me forever and loves me more then anything and the next min. is telling me OW is the only one who cares about him. Oh so the last month when I have been doing everything for you means I don't care about you whatever!!!

I feel like I don't have the strength to control myself when he says these things about someone he doesn't even really know. Goodness he had only know her for 3 months and I have know him for 5 years arg... silly WS get a clue.

Hi AS,

Glad you're here for advice...and support...

Please tell us, is your husband military? I'm assuming so due to some of your references - specifically the 1/2 month's pay comment.

If so, perhaps I can help. I'm a senior officer and have much experience with the UCMJ and how the chain of command could deal with this kind of situation.

If I'm right, let us know and I can give you some more clearly targeted advice...

Standing by, L2F