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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 37
M
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M Offline
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 37
I will try and make this brief. Here is a little background: I am 29 husband is 30 we have been together since I was 15 years old. We have been married for close to 7 years. We have two small children. We recently located to Texas from Michigan to improve our marriage and to move to a better state with more opportunities for us and for our children.

My husband is upset because I don't show or give him any affection. I show no interst in him whatsoever! Maybe this is why- he cheated on me a few years ago, he is not supportive of anything that I say or do, he is rude, disrespectful, has called me a bad wife and mother,he does not help with the children, and does not take responsbility for anything!!! The only credit I give him is moving far away from his family and friends, to "make me happy." His single friends were part of the problem. They cheat on their girlfriends, bar and club hop.

He wonders why I wake up angry and why I don't want to be bothered by him. His only complaint is that I don't give it up anymore. I have been diagnosed with a low grade depression, the type that simply has my angry, frustrated, and irriated on a daily basis. Not to mention that i bring home the bacon and cook it. It has been like that the majority of our marriage. I blame myself a lot becuase I allowed him to sit on his lazy [censored] while I take care of the home. He says things without thinking about how it will hurt my feelings. I have grown up and he has not. I am almost ready to call it quits. But then again I would like to be more affectionate with him. But when I am working my [censored] off all day and then have to come home to a husband sittin gon his butt playing video games I'm angry. I have to cook, clean, do homework, bathe the kids, and get them ready for bed without any help from him. He says that he does not help beacuse I have told him before that he does nothing. Yeah maybe I could have said it in a better way.

I have absolutely no inclination to be near him, let alone give him some. Am I wrong to beleive that he is the sole reason why I am always angry?? Am I wrong to blame all of my unhappiness on him?? PLease help me, I think I want to save my marriage. I am really not sure if I want to be with a person that is generally a jerk most of the time. I'm not even sure if there is anything to save!!!

Oh yeah, therapy been there and did that. He did not like the last therapist telling him that he was no longer in college and that he need to grow up. HELP HELP HELP <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
L
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L Offline
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
Welcome to MarriageBuilders, MrsH...

Sounds like you both are in a high state of conflict right now...which is understandable given your marital history.

I would very much like to see your post responded to by many...there are many here on MB who have been in your shoes, understand your thoughts and feelings...and those of your FWH (formerly wayward husband).

You're not alone.

However, you have posted in the Resolving Conflict forum...which would be appropriate, also...just doesn't get the high level of traffic for responses that Infidelity General Questions II gets...

And you have experienced infidelity...and recovering from it takes at least two years...and longer, to heal all the way through.

Would you consider copying your post to that forum? Another tip is to paragraph...because it helps the reader to see each of your points, what's important to you. Without the paragraphs, it's tough to quote in our response, and to me, feels overwhelming...and I've done the same when I felt overwhelmed myself.

You have a choice to make...you think you want to save your marriage and your anger, resentment, pain and frustration are giving you the signals to walk away...is that correct?

When we act, feelings follow. First, make your goal, your choice...then act from it...we'll help you make a plan...so if you do end your marriage, you will know without a doubt you did everything possible...your half of the marriage.

You can look your children in their eyes ten or twenty years from now and know kept your commitment to them to keep their family intact, learn together, and grow. No matter the outcome.

Weekends are slower (sometimes really slow)...please be patient and keep being brave by posting. You're worth it. Your marriage is worth it.

LA


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