At the risk of being preachy, I can only tell you how I am working through forgiving my H. <P>I had suspected his affair for several months, and he (unlike your H.) was treating me terribly...mean, grumpy, sarcastic. <P>When he confessed, I had already had time to think about myself and my own weaknesses and inadequacies. Not just with regard to my marriage, but all the ugly things I know about myself, selfish attitudes, nasty things I think about people sometimes, laziness, the whole ugly side of me that only I know. <P>When I thought about those things and realized that God loved me in spite of them, I realized that God loves my H. too. <BR>Whenever I start to pick at my wounds and fume over the injustice of it all, I go to prayer and ask God to take away the anger and pain. If you revisit the painful thoughts with the awareness that God is with you always and He can take away the hurt, the forgiveness comes naturally. <P>At least, that's where I am.<P>For background, my H. had an affair from Spring of 98 to Spring of 99 with a co-worker. From records that he kept, I learned that they had sex over 40 times: nooners at hotels, in her home in her marriage bed, at the office (everywhere you could imagine - desks, floors, bathrooms, other people's desks.)<P>His reflection on it all, "I don't know what I was thinking--you get caught up in it and you don't think anyone will know or get hurt." <P>Now he says he loves me very much and can't believe I will forgive him. But I can, and if you guys get help, you can too.<P>Have you looked into "Faithful and True" groups in your area? Look up Mark Laaser on the web.<P><P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P>
