Dday = Nov. 25/07. A with OW #1 purportedly over July 13/07. A with OW #2 over that day. Found continuing emails with OW #1 dated Nov. 25/07.

He has not been in contact with OW #1 since Dec. 5 when he emailed her to warn her that I had found out. I, however, started an email correspondence with OW #1 - but ended it when I discovered she was lying as badly as FWH.

He has not been in contact with OW #2 since Dday. Alhtough she continues to try to contact him. He will not respond and shows me all attempts.

I have changed all his passwords to forums on which he contacted them. I have access to all his email accounts and his computer. We are together almost 24/7 and he tells me where he is going and how long he is going to be when he goes out.

He is 100% committed to rebuilding our M. Is going for STD/HIV testing (although 2 late since we've been having SR ). Is writing me a letter of apology and letters to OWs stating that it is over and why. He has answered all my questions honestly - althoug will not volunteer any info.

I have been working very hard to control LBs. We were in counselling for 2 years - started 6 mos into EMA with OW #1 - and ended counselling just as A with OW #2 was starting. Ironic, eh? We were at a point where we felt everything was progressing in our ability to communicate with each other and meet each others' needs. Obviously not!

We're back in counselling and he is taking personal counselling to determine why he had the A, especially with OW #2.

So, do we need Plan A? Or are we into recovery? Being new here, I'm not sure.

Thanks to all who have posted. You have helped me keep my sanity!

HurtinTO-56,

Welcome to Marriage Builders, sorry you are here. No, you are past the point of Plan A. Plan A is for marriages where there is an ongoing affair. What you would want to do is follow the steps of recovery as outlined by Dr.Harley. I would get these 2 books, Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley and His Needs, Her Needs, by Dr. Harley. You can buy them cheap on this website.

You recovery should focus completely and totally on building an affair proof marriage and learning to meet each others needs. There are emotional needs questionaires on this website that you can both take and exchange.


Requirements for Recovery from an Affair - Dr. Bill Harley

Four Rules to Guide Marital Recovery After an Affair

One of the first things I would suggest, Hurt, is putting a keylogger on his computer to make sure he has stopped his affairs on the computer. The conditions that made it possible for him to have an affair in the first place should be CHANGED.

HurtTO-56, I just thought of another article that might be helpful in your situation:

Can't We Just Forgive and Forget?

ML, thanks for your suggested readings. I am overwhelmed by the amount of material here, so I am trying to digest it bit by bit, plus learn from the MC. I am also planning to buy HIs Needs, Her Needs. Sounds like it will help, too.

How do I put a keylogger on his computer? Both OWs emails are blocked from all his email accounts. Anything they try to send will go directly into outer space - bypassing even the Recycle Box.

He is changing his cell phone number today, so OW #2 can't communicate anymore.

Hurt, go to http://www.spectorsoft.com/ and download spectorpro if you have daily access to his computer. If not, download eblaster, which will email the reports to another site. You can download the software and install it yourself.

Spector Pro installed!