I am a first time user and not sure if I posted correctly. Here is my story in a nutshell…

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. He confessed to me in June a week after he had the A. In 06-2006, he went to Canada with the guys for a weekend race event; met a chick at the club and kept in touch with her. In 06-2007, they hooked up. We took all of July breaking up; naturally I didn’t want to let him go. In October, he started calling me again. In November, I gave in and decided to give him a chance. He told me how sorry he was and he made a big mistake and realized he does want to spend the rest of his life with me. In December, I was snooping around found pictures on his laptop he thought he had deleted all of them from his A weekend she was also at the race. I snooped through his email and saw how they threw around the word love towards one another.

Over New Years weekend he proposed to me. Now, in January, I truly want to make us work. But so many reminders make it hard for me to move on. Triggers whither on TV or social events such as tall thin light skinned women, Canada, her name, infidelity, how he kept in touch with her after we broke up, it all makes me feel sick and angry to my stomach. Of course being a women most things in life a very emotional and psychological, on that note I feel that this is affecting me sexually. When I start thinking and letting my imagination go wild, I start thinking of them being together and the things they did. How do I stop/block this behavior from happening? We have started to attend church and will start counseling together. He is willing to do anything to make it work. I am or was I a very black and white person and am very surprised at myself and my actions. I tell keep telling myself everything happens for a reason, people make mistakes, and no one is perfect to get me through this mess. After reading these postings and talking to people about A, it makes me feel A are so common. Prior to the A, I relationship for the most part was great we never argued the only thing missing was marriage. He never told me he didn’t want marriage and never said he wanted it either, it was always I don’t know. I tried to leave once but wasn’t successful because I loved him so much and didn’t and don’t want to live life without him. I hate how crazy love can make people feel!!!! Any advice on healing and moving on, will I ever feel at peace and be happy?

You may sometime feel better about the relationship, depending on his actions going forward. However, I think it is foolish to be planning a marriage to this man right now. He just threw up a HUGE red flag, and you can't ignore it. You don't know if you want to marry this man, nor should you given his recent behavior. It takes years to recover from infidelity. I know that if my W and I were not married it would be the absolutely last thing on my list of things to do!

I would read the basic concepts of this site and begin to implement the program into your lives. If he is unwilling to do this, you probably shouldn't marry him.