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Joined: Jan 2008
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OP
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I have been lurking around this board for quite some time now. I do not know if I belong or if I will even be accepted. (I think I was the OW but hope not) I have alot of questions and apparently no answers. I guess I should just tell some of my story. Are any of you guys interested?
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Joined: Oct 2005
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Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Jan 2008
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I received and sent hundreds of text messages to a married man. Now before I get slaughtered I guess I should explain. I was friends with this man's daughter and wife for many years. His wife (Lauren) would always say how much her husband adored me and talked about me (which I thought was creepy but whatever). One day he texted me and I, being the cordial person I am, replied with a simple answer. Later the texts got longer and deeper and not something I approved of. One day I saw his wife and she was like "Andy will be talking to me and stop and text you!" and was laughing about it. I did not know what to think at all. Knowing that Lauren knew of the text messages and was fine with it, washed away any guilt I had about the whole situation. My friend found out I was talking to Andy from the moment I got up till the second I went to sleep and she was worried. He was just a great friend to me. She begged me to text him and find out what was his motive for talking to me was in the first place. We then talked for about 5 hours and I would question him on everything. He said it was okay that I talked to him more than his wife and he wanted to keep it that way. I then asked him to describe what this friendship was to him and he said it was indescribable. Finally after talking for three more hours he finally said when you get older, I could see this friendship growing into something more. (I was 30 yrs his younger) Immediately I shut off all communication. He would still text me sweet nothings and say he misses me but i refused to be the other woman or break up MY friendship with that family for him. I just feel so guilty for what I did do. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help!
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Joined: Dec 2007
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continue not taking his calls and don't respond to his tm. and then you'll have nothing to continue feeling guilty about.
SerenitySoon
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,306
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Just curious, how old are you? How old is he?
Regardless, his behavior was innapropriate if for no other reasons than the fact that he is married and he made you uncomfortable. I suspect, however, that once you reveal your age it will become obvious that this was something much more menacing. Just my gut talkin', but its rarely wrong!
Please continue.
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Joined: Jan 2008
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OP
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i just turned 20. He is in his mid 50's
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Joined: Sep 2007
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I guess that provides the veneer of legality anyhow. Still incredibly innapropriate to say the least.
Ask his wife how she views the contents of the messages. Seriously.
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,531
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Hi here is an idea:
Let him know that every text message he sends you you will forward to his wife. On her e-mail or phone. You can forward text messages right?
Also do not answer your phone if he calls and every verbal message he leaves you, forward that to his wife, you can play them out loud on her cell phone voicemail if you cannot forward them another way.
And quit responding to him in any way. Just keep forwarding his messages over to his wife.
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Joined: Jan 2008
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OP
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i thought about that but i know that he will find someway to say that I contacted him and that i want him and crap like that. another problem is he already had a PA (that i did not know about at the time of talking to him) and his wife did not do a thing about it. She completely ignored it and makes everything seem perfect.
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Joined: Sep 2007
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What she does with the information is not your concern. She deserves to know, if it doesn't bother her, great, but I bet he stops!
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 739
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Send a NC letter to him certified mail requiring signature. Inform his W, Be sincere, your only desire is NC with her H, let her know all attempts to contact you will be forwarded to her.
If she chooses to not see his infatuation with you, or he opts to disregard your wishes. Consider the following as needed.
Block his number, emails. Change you number.
Document all steps.
If that doesn't work you have enough proof to contact the police, you have a stalker, obtain a RO.
-JKT
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Joined: Jul 2007
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Change your phone number.
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Joined: Jan 2008
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thank you all for your help! i appreciate it a lot. Hope it works!
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When I was a single parent...
I had a babysitter who was married to a guy I worked with...
He had a sister that I was attracted to...
One night when I was over at his house to see his sister...
His wife confessed to me that she had feelings for me...
I somehow suspected this but wasn't sure until she said somthing...
I told her immediately that I couln't do that to her husband... he was my friend and a co-worker...
The husband found out and they went to some kind of marriage weekend. in ohio...
I think the only thing that saved my butt was the fact that the sister was spying on us and overheard our conversation... and told her brother...
I feel bad to this day...It wasn't intentional... but I think I did the right thing...
I think she saw something in me that she wished her husband had...I don't know.... needless to say she wasn't my babysitter after that...
BH, 46 STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary) D-Day #2 12-26-2007 D-Day #3 5-11-2008 Separated 1-5-2008 STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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Joined: Jul 2007
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You are 20? He is 50? He is having a mid life crisis, and you, my dear, at your tender young age absolutely, DO NOT WANT TO INVOLVE YOURSELF FURTHER.
Its a nice feeling to be admired and its a boost to your ego (and it boosts his ego when you read his messages).
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Joined: Jan 2008
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it did feel nice (he would always compliment me) but at the same time i was freaked out. I just hate myself for even talking to him in the first place.
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Joined: Sep 2003
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Don't talk to him anymore. If he texts you, delete it and ignore it. Change your number.
Then read all the stuff here so you can find a good partner and have a good marriage.
He is complimenting you so he can get a piece. Sorry to be so blunt.
Do you date?
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Joined: Jan 2008
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I do date but im SO picky. Im a hardcore believer in no sex before marriage and this guy knew this but he still talked to me. go figure!
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