Mopey,

I am really proud of the steps you are taking. You are doing wonderfully and have some really strong people guiding you.

I too had anger issues. The only difference, is since WH has been gone I don't have that anger inside of me. It just evaporated. Even when I am with him, I realize that I just don't carry it inside of me.

One day, with work and G-d you will realize it is no longer a part of you and you will enjoy a freedom that I can't explain.

ROTFLMAO

I am so not into psychobabble.

Oh do tell! Why do you think that happened?

Is it because you no longer expected anything? You're now in control of your own happiness and can share it?

Don't leave me hanging now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ahem. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL

No, it's because I inherently changed as a person. I became and continue to become the woman that G-d always envisioned for me. I find my strength in the peace that grows in me. Though I am still struggling immensely in what is happening, I am not crazy. I don't live in chaos.

I am becoming a soft spoken woman who walks with G-d next to her. I don't need the anger anymore. I can't explain it any other way.

My anger somehow protected me from my WH, it has for years actually. I don't need that protection anymore because G-d is watching over me.

You gotta know, I haven't had SF in almost 2 years. I don't leave anyone hanging. LOL....:)

Ouch! ROFL!



Wow. Good place to be in. In fact, on someone's thread last night (maybe Ark's?) that is the message I got and it brought me alot of peace. And I saw that carried out in Princess Meggy's story to me.

Like she said......just "letitgo".

Venting......

So, I just read Windstopped's latest post and I'm a little ticked.

He had an IC appt today. Said in his post that the counselor said she didn't recommend separation. I believe her words to me were "I think you should separate" and "why haven't you done it already?". I have an appt with her tommorow. It should be interesting.

He is also accusing me of LB's in our e-mail exchanges. He just sent me an e-mail stating "we're not to send hurtful e-mails to each other and we both needed to stop" or close to it. This was after I asked him "what is your reasoning for dragging your feet on some of the stuff I asked of you?". Didn't seem like an LB to me. Looking for honesty and openess.

Mind you, he basically shut me off again last night, like he did tonight.

I also expressed some pain I was feeling over a trigger he gave me today. Asked me if I wanted some info on butt exercises. Since I have bad knees, he thought it would be helpful. I told him it was not a good time because of a trigger the whole "butt" thing is. He told me the OW had a cute butt. I didn't ask for that information. He's never told me that before d-year. It hurt. Now he wants to help me with butt exercises.

Almost everything seems to me like an LB to him. I'm soooo sick of it.

Can I get a break?

Edited

Not to mention he didn't tell me about what the counselor said before he posted it.

And the part about "not feeling anxiety when he walks in the door. That's ok".

He's trying to make it sound like I hound him about this crap on a daily basis. I do not. After I've had my fill of lack of compassion for me on occassion, I do withdraw and I'm sure he feels anxiety during that time.

It feels like he tries to hurt me with his posts most of the time. And I'm too lazy to go through them all. I feel like he has been dishonest on some things. Just don't care.

So after he shuts me down with HIS last e-mail, I called him and asked him if he was busy or ignoring me. I thought we were having a conversation. So he irritatingly says "what questions". I asked him to read the e-mails. He said "if I feel like it I will", in his irritated voice. I said fine and hung up.

Makes me feel cherished.

Sounds like a selfish twit to me.

He's not making this recovery stuff easy for me at all.

Every time he shuts me down I want to go straight to plan FU. Is that o.k. that I say this here on my thread?

Well I can't speak for the new mods, but it's sure OK with me!

Thanks guys. Thanks for letting me vent.

Now he's back peddling. And right now I don't give a flip.

We're done.

This e-mail (part of it) just came from Windstopped.......

Call me crazy Mopey but I don't read it like that.

mopey,

His nasty and outrageous comments, on everything from suggesting you try "butt exercises" to suggesting you separate, are all clearly meant to push your buttons and throw you into a meltdown. Why? So HE can be the poor innocent victim and everything is YOUR fault.

Honey, whether you stay with him or not, you've got to move your buttons. It is blatantly obvious from here on the sidelines that he does this deliberately and then just sits back and waits for the horrified, wounded, raging reaction from you. It's sadly obvious and you MUST understand this.

Move your buttons. Just teach yourself to expect the worst and stupidest and most selfish and hurtful things imagineable to come out of his mouth -- and when they do, you can just shake your head and say, "You know, I really do feel sorry for you. I really do." And then WALK AWAY.

I posted a lot of stuff on the MB thread below on how to handle this crap. And 99% of it has stopped at my house. (Oh, he still goes out with the girls on his business trips, but at least he no longer tries to bully and torment me with the passive/aggressive garbage because That Stopped Working).

If you want, I'll repost some of the "How to Deal With P/A Garbage" here for you to read again. He's got you right where he wants you and you have GOT to move your buttons, just for your own protection and peace of mind!

hang in there -
Mulan

You don't know him BigK.

Mulan, I appreciate it but I don't want to stay with a man who pushes my buttons and then plays the victim.

His actions and those statements of his makes it clear to me that he doesn't want to put in the effort. He doesn't do the concrete things I asked and then feels upset that he can't stop hurting me. That and him putting me down.

He once again has made me feel worthless. I am done.

This e-mail came after I let him know I was hurt that he didn't make me a priority today. It went from there.....

In all fairness to him regarding the "butt exercises"....I think he really was trying to be helpful. I was hurt that he didn't see that as a trigger before he did it though. And the comment he made about the OW having a cute butt was awhile ago. Not when he was helping.

It just felt insensitive to me but that one is a hard call. I think he was trying to be helpful.

But the separation thing? That's another story.

I'm crushed. But I'm strong enough to handle it, I think.