Wow!!! Pretty amazing you were thinking about us "OLDER???????????" posters!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe

I know, I know...

I've just been super busy (like most I'm sure) with life which is work, work, & work.

I'm not in any relationship right now. Just waiting & learning & being happy alone.

Stay in touch!
High Flight

you have my email.. fill me in on what has been going on.

i didn't mean older like that! haha

you still owe me a free flight, although i have no where to fly to now...

mlhb

well, update on the house situation.....

saw my lawyer yesterday.
seems my ex cannot force me to sell the house or refinance in just my name now or anytime actually. the way our agreement reads it states that i will refinance but it does not specify any time frames! none at all. it also says that i will take up full financial responsible after the transfer of the deed over to me (when i get financing) meaning that i have taken full financial responsibility all this time for the house and really did not HAVE to, he was still responsible for it too (although it does not state how much he would be responsible for).

so, i plan to fight this petition he had me served with and will probably win.

looks like i can go forward with some remodeling after all.

my plans have always been to refinance when i am in a place where i can. another year or 2 and i should be able to.

funny thing is, he says i was in breach of a our "contract" by not refinancing by now. how can i be in breach when there was no time line! i am not in breach at all! my attorney just laughed his head off over that one because my ex is asking for his attorney fees to be paid for him having to "sue" me for breach.

hahahaha

God is soooo good to me.
my ex is going to lose once again.

mlhb

bump

Really well good for you - but I thought you wanted to move?

I do but my kids are BEGGING me not to. and it will be nice just to be able to legally tell my ex he can't force me to sell the house at all period. I'll live there just cuz we can! LOL

mlhb

I realize it's your decision. However, it's probably best to sell the house, and not play these sorts of games.

Sure, the decree sets no time frame. However, the spirit of the agreement was that you would obtain financing in your own name.

I don't recall if you have actually applied for a re-fi, or just believe you cannot be financed.

If there is equity in the home, why would you not be able to re-fi, get some of the cash out to pay off your ex as well as the debts left from the marriage?

I know we were late on everything because I was trying to juggle close to 70K in CC and vehicle debt when my ex-wife left. I paid off close to $40K of that debt while going through the divorce. (It's amazing what getting rid of the spender does for cashflow.) and the remaining $30K was split 80/20 between me and her during the final property settlement of the divorce.

She valued our home at about $25K too low, so she really paid 1/2 or more of that debt in equity she left on the table, so I took the deal.

Anyway, even with losing her income and having a history of late pays, I was able to re-fi the home in 2005 and give her a few $K as her remaining portion of the equity after everyone, including my lawyer was paid off.

When I married in July (that's the first I've said this, so I guess I need to get that out there) my home was about sold. It closed in August and my new bride and I and all of our kids are in a much larger home (2700 sq ft) at a great interest rate.

So money is out there, even for those with a shaky credit past. I was able to demonstrate that once my wife left, the running up of debts stopped and the bills started to be paid off during a divorce.

You can probably find a mortgage broker or lender who will work with your situation if you demonstrate that there is improvement in your circumstance.

So lending crisis or no lending crisis, there is money out there.

My new home was the easiest of my three home purchases. I bought my home twice, once from my former in-laws, and again when I had to buy her out. Those went right up to closing with paperwork needed, etc.

Our new home, everything was done 2 weeks before closing, and it was 2 weeks after we wrote the offer to the builder.

We got the best of both worlds. We have a brand new house, and we didn't have to build it, as it was an inventory home. Great deals too!

So while I don't know your circumstance, I hope you might find some hope in what I've shared.

EE, snuck that one in didn't you. You are a brave soul to jump into the water again.

mlhb, act in good faith. I couldn't wait to get out of my house, and X couldn't wait to get me out so he could get back in. However, he never bothered to refi either. For 2 years, I looked for homes, but couldn't purchase since I had no idea when I'd have cash. Price was agreed and all, but he just couldn't pull the trigger, so I lost out on many, many homes. When I finally found a home, it was farther away than I'd plan to move, but I was desperate to get in before school. So X took me to court saying I moved too far, when it was his own fault because he dragged his feet. (he lost)

Do the right thing, not something just to poke at your X.

I took my time. We spent more time and money on the pre-marital counseling than we did not he actual wedding <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Neither of us wanted to repeat the same mistakes again.

I guess I should add that we just closed on our new home. Only been there for about two weeks now. We rented a place from August until the end of February. The leasing company found a new tenant, so we were released from our lease without penalty.

MHLB -

Here's my two cents. My boyfriend is dealing with a sale of the house issue, just like your ex is.

His divorce agreement stated that after the youngest turns 18, "the marital house will be sold". No time limit - no deadline, no nothing. Their house had been paid for - no mortgage payment for her.

The youngest turned 18 last June. House has been up for sale since then. We all know that the market is crap, but in addition to a slow market - she has priced the house a bit too high. It took him over 2 months to get her to agree to a price decrease. Then, a few offers came in - funny thing - she wouldn't agree to ANY of them. She lowballs him on a buyout offer, etc. No wonder, she's living there for free, has no desire to move and get into debt for a new mortgage, etc. She's playing game after game with him on this house.

Now, their divorce decree does not specify a time limit for when she HAS to sell or buy him out, but it's IMPLIED that within a reasonable amount of time, a sale should happen. She's playing the same games that you are with your ex - there is no deadline - so she doesn't HAVE to move. Well, this could go on for another 10 years and in the meantime, my boyfriend is without his LEGAL and FAIR share of the house equity, etc. You husband is due is share of the equity in the house that he DID earn while he was living there, by you refusing to do anything with a "Na, Na, Na - I don't have to" attitude is unfair to him.....don't ya think?

I think it stinks - you should sell or refi - pay the man and get on with your life.

Sorry..........not a fan of game playing.....

Oh, I forgot to add that your ex-husband CAN actually force you to do something - he'd just have to take you back to court and convince a judge....which is an expense that he's probably hoping to avoid.

i was being sarcastic guys give me a break!
i am not into playing games either.

bottom line is this: if it goes to court a judge is going to say that our agreement does NOT set a time line. i am willing to give some time lines, i don't have an issue with that. but, he cannot tell me i have 2 months to put the house up for sale and say that i am in breach of the agreement because i am not. period. if he wanted a time line, than he should have set one and not signed the agreement as is.

he lives with ow in her house that she bought, he is not out there looking to buy one.

i cannot refi right now. we had a loan modification done last year and due to that have NO equity in the home. credit is not great due to me still paying off some marital debt. my plan was to see if our current mortgage company would be willing to work with me but i doubt it at this time.

if i do have to sell the house then we will move out of this town. i have told him this before. he wants the kids here, in the same town where he lives, then he backs up off of me on when i have to refi. i will attempt to until i can, but if he absolutely forces a sale, then we leave. i would much rather start fresh and live near my parents. i ONLY will fight selling the house because my kids want to stay in it.

i'm not the bad here folks, really i am not <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

hey, it's another one of the those nasty little nasty consequences of not being able to keep it in your pants. if we were still a family we wouldn't even be having this issue. he chose his bed, let him lie in it.

mlhb

Not intending to blast you, but many of us were caught up on the other end of house BS. I think we all know that karma exists and the fact that we are all still sane is proof. I know you do the right thing.

And the market does stink, so it would be hard to sell or refi now.
One woman at work is allowed to live in the marital home until she sells it, then her X gets a set amount $10,000. Apparently, it was never adjusted for rising house values. Her youngest is now 25 and out of the house, and she has no intention (or legal obligation) to sell or pay him out.

EE, I loved your line about spending more on pre-marital counseling than on the wedding. I hope the wedding was very expensive to make sure you learned alot. I plan to do alot more "advance" work the next time around. Good luck with the new blended family.

Actually, if it does go in front of a judge, the judge CAN modify your original divorce decree and set a deadline, he could give you 90 days to settle up with you ex.

I realize that you are trying hard here to do the right thing - but if you can't refi due to credit issues - why not just sell and move on?

By keeping him on the mortgage loan, he's still legally responsible for the debt - did you know that part? If he wanted to get a new car, buy a house, etc., your house mortgage liability still sits on his credit rating. That won't go away until you get his name off the loan - and it's not fair to have that hanging over his head forever..

Just my humble two cents. Love ya...

yes, i know it is on his credit rating. and he has purchased 3 new vehicles in the last year and a half so it can't be hurting him too much.

i do not have to buy him out either. we agreed that would not happen.

my attorney told me not to worry, if it goes in front of a judge there is at least an 80 percent chance i will win. and if not, a 99 percent chance i would win on appeal.

not planning to have it go that far.

my plan is to offer up some deadlines and see if he bites. if not, than i will sell or refi when i can. and that may be years.

mlhb

It seems house equity and such would be defined in the divorce degree or LSA. The equity in the home is taken into consideration as part of the assets you are dividing.

The deed to my house was put in my name only as part of our agreement although exh's name is still on the loan. Ex-h is not entitled to any equity in the house. The equity was part of the settlement. Maybe mlhb is in the same situation. And, if there is no equity, only debt, and XH. is not responsible for the debt and can still get loans depsite his name being on the mortgage, then how is that playing games? I realize if I default on the loan it affects XH's credit but it would hurt mine as well.

ex will not sign the deed over to me until i refinance. he's afraid that as soon as he signs the deed over (if he were to do it before i refi) that i would turn around and sell the house and he would not be entitled to any of the profit.

our agreement states that once i refi and he signs deed over to me, that at THAT time i will assume all of the house expenses, not BEFORE which is exactly what i have been doing. i have been paying on this house alone with no help from him for any repairs, any anything since the fall of 2005. if i wanted to be a real b*tch i could sue him and make him cough up some money to make up what i have paid out already but i am not going to do that.

you know what? i put everything into god's hands honestly. if it is his will that we stay in this house he will make it happen. if it is not, then he will provide another place for us to live. that is the bottom line for me.

mlhb

As long as XH name is on the mortgage loan, he is responsible legally for the debt. I know this for fact, because I went through this when I got divorced. Both with my house, AND with my EX and a car loan. The title to the car was in HIS name only (means he is the true owner of the car, I had no ownership rights) but the loan was in JOINT name (my name on it also). Our divorce agreement said that he had 90 days to get my name off of the loan. He never did. Imagine my surprise when I started getting calls from the finance company informing me that "I" was now 3 months late with car payments, and the car was going to be repossed. I explained the divorce, etc., and they said that it was too bad for me, the divorce agreement means nothing to them, and nothing as to who is liable for the payment. Sooooo, I had to fork over lots of $$ to get the car payments current to try and salvage my credit rating - as I had to refi the house to get HIS name off the loan. Long story short, it sucked....

When I went to refi - I had a FICO score in the low 500's - considered WAYYYYY risky. With the help of an awesome mortgage broker, we managed to sweet talk another lender into taking my mortgage on.....so as EE said, there IS money out there, even for shaky credit. Now I'm in 3 years of a mortgage payment on my own, and just with the car loan off and the mortgage getting paid on time, my FICO score is back to 700.....so it CAN be done - takes work - but it can be done. And yes, I did have to pay my EXH the portion of equity due him - but thankfully he had lots of debt - so it didn't cost me everything. I'm still paying it off, by the way. Well worth it to have everything be MINE and only MINE. During the year it took me to get my ducks in a row to be able to refi - yes, my husband was liable for the debt - not the equity - because that was all settled at the time of the divorce - but the debt remained until I got it in my name only.

I guess I'm just sensitive about the whole thing - I think each party in a divorce should get what is due them as soon as possible after a divorce, so that these things don't linger on and on....cut the cord, settle all debts, and move on.

Selling the house sounds like the most "fair" option - if there is such a thing as "fair" when it comes to divorce. I'm not being harsh (or trying really hard not to be) - but my opinion is - why not just bite the bullet, get the house issue settled - and be done with it??

When the time comes and there is a sale or a refi and it's time to pay him his portion, you legally COULD hold those repair bills, improvement bills, etc. over him. You could tecnically deduct them from what is due him because he has insisted on getting his name off the loan and that hasn't happened yet. He technically still owns the house too - and yes, is partially responsible for the improvements, etc. Since he's still technically and in the eyes of the law a joint owner of your house, he's entitled to take a portion of the mortgage interest and property tax deduction also even though he hasn't paid a dime towards the mortgage......wonder if he knows that? All of the mortgage payments you've paid alone could benefit him in the long run come tax time.

As a wise woman once told me years and years ago when I crabbed a lot about my miserable marriage - she said "nothing changes if nothing changes".