I'm not sure why I'm here but I've just lost my best friend. My wife of 21 years has divorced me. I was a pastor for six years and she said it was the church or her. No matter what I did she would not stay. We have had a wonderful marriage for 20 years. In July of 2007 she wanted to help her friend, that owns a bar, with a motorcycle run. When she returned she was drunk and fighting like she had went mad. She then started wanting to go out with the girls. At first it was home by 8. Then 10. Then 12. Then 2. Then 4. Then all night. I just found out she has had an affair with another man. She started telling me what a looser I was, how I had mistreated her for years, how she wishes she had never had kids or gotten married and other things that have broken my heart into a million pieces. Our divorce is final. She works for a lawyer and our divorce was finished in 45 days. The day she moved out the boy friend showed up at her house. This storm has almost killed me and still may yet.

Well, she made a huge mistake. Too bad for her. The affair is certain to end, and then she may want to come back to you. I suggest you don't start dating for at least 2 years.

Hang in there Penn.

It's a hard journey, but it is better with companions. I suggest you go to Divorce Care's website and find a meeting near you. That is where I went and it was a lifeline for me. I knew I needed support and needed to be in a place where I was following God's steps for recovery with accountability.

Those people are still my friends a year after the meetings ended. I can call them when things get tough and they "get it."

For a while I felt like I was living Job's story. But I have learned to say like Job did: "I know You can do all things. No plan of Yours can be thwarted." (42:2)

Hang in there.

AW,

I survived and so will you. Yes, you are broken and now you have to fix yourself. Your faith will help you, divorcecare.org will help you, friends, therapy, exercise, etc will all help you. However, it is ultimately up to you to pick yourself up and keep moving forward.

She made the decision to cheat, not you. You can't control or change that.

This is going to be a rough journey for you but you will walk out of it much stronger and wiser.

And yes, do not date anyone until you are completely comfortable on your own. And that may take a few years.

I am 3+ years out since my X left... I think I am getting close to being healed... not sure yet!

Go to divorce care... they helped me greatly.

Keep posting...

Keith

Welcome, Penn.

This is a great place to be. I'm with Believer. When divorce moves as fast as yours did, the person who leaves often has regrets. The fog of the affair lifts, and the Wayward Spouse suddenly remembers that most of the 21 years of marraige were good, that the children were the best thing that ever happened to her, etc.

I know this is incredibly painful, but it gets better if you take care of yourself. Do stuff you used to want to do but couldn't. Reach out to others, even if just here. Making new friends is reassuring and comforting.