Tabby,

I know living together has become the norm.....shoot....it was us hippies who started the whole trend! I've heard so many people say they'd never marry someone without living together. The US census shows that cohabitation jumped from 500,000 couples living together in 1960....to nine times that in the year 2000. This was an ENORMOUS social change....so naturally....people studied it. The results...after 40 years of research...are very clear and consistent. Living together puts couples at close to 50% higher divorce rates then those who did NOT cohabit before marriage. Not just in the US and Canada either....the showed similar results in Europe too.

Here's a good article from ivillage:

3 Reasons Why Researchers Say Living Together Before Marriage is Risky

Personally....I'd love to see you guys wait.... but if you young folk <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> are going to ignore the warnings....please....wait as long as you can, and get engaged before living together.

editted to add missing words :eek" (like "NOT")

Tabby,

I don't want to make this a multicultural argument at all, but I've lived all over the world, and one thing I've learned is that you don't go to somebody else's country and talk about how much "better" yours is without ruffling a few feathers.

If you wanted Canadian statistics....you could have just asked for them without the airs of superiority. I know Canada is a wonderful country (and I've been there...it's beautiful). I'm glad you're proud of it. We love our country too.

I think most American families are just as tolerant (and supportive) about cohabitation as Canada is....but I don't think that's a good thing! I think it would be a good idea if more Americans DID have a problem with it....if we were less tolerant, it wouldn't be so prevalent.

The similarities between our two cultures on this particular issue, is also why the findings are the same in both countries.

Sorry Starfish, I didn't want to come off with an air of superiority. I just wanted to point out that there are subtle differences between our countries despite our many similarities. This was one that I noticed having lived in both. I'm not saying it's bad or good - it just is.

That said, thanks for the Canadian stats - one thing our country does not do well is keep and analyse data so it was good to see.

That other link regarding the 3 reasons why not to live together raises a few questions. For example, why would the act of getting married make a difference to standard of living? Does it have to do with the type of people who chose to cohabitate? Or are there hidden financial benefits to marriage (there aren't in Canada - common-law is treated the same as marriage in all aspects of taxes, beneficiaries etc.). The 3rd reason was that cohabitation doesn't necessarily lead to marriage, which could be a problem for some but not necessarily everyone. My cousin has been living with his "partner" (their term) for decades. They have 2 children and are very happy. The reason they aren't married is because she is opposed to it. I don't know why that is, but it is. They are committed to one another for sure, but for whatever personal reasons, she doesn't want to be married so they aren't. I have another friend who is in a similar situation. She's been living with her BF for almost 30 years now. She was married before, had a nasty divorce and has decided she never wants to do it again. Again, no lack of committment, just a really bad experience that put her off the whole institution of marriage.

I wonder if any stats account for couples that live together without breaking up as non-divorced (and the flip side where they do break up)? It starts to get confusing. Those of us on MB value the commitment of marriage and see a difference, but there are many people out there equally committed without marriage. I don't think everyone who moves in together is doing it on a trial or renter basis. Many are but not all.

Thanks guys, there has been a lot or great advice.

we have decided to live apaert for a while (Always the plan) and after a few years re-evaluate our relationship and decide if we wish to marry or to continue to leive apart...or live together.

More than anything I was opposed to the idea of not living with him becuase i've spent 2 years away from him, the htought of still not having was a lot to try and handle all at once, and I know...i'm not "without him" per se, but if he's in school and i'm working...we certainly won't be seeing that much of each other (since i'll probably be in the woods for work for many days at a time) but im willing to do whatever it takes because i'm Comitted...yes commited, despite some of your definitions, to him.