My threads started getting out of control. So I am consolidating: Here is the list of threads if you wish to read. This will be my main thread from now on.

First thread

Second Thread

Third Thread

Fourth Thread

Fifth Thread

Z

I had dinner with my WH today. He has me convinced that our relationship is over.

He spoke to me without being hurt, angry or resentful. He did not try and fight with me about anything. He says everything that happened is in the past and that we need to move on.

I don't think he is in a fog at all. I think he is DONE. He doesn't love me anymore and is ready to move on.

This was the last bit of our conversation before I had to get out of the situation today:

H: What do you expect me to do? Run home to you when I don't want to? Be unhappy to make you happy? Make it work when I dont want to? Cause that what it seems like you want. Nothing will make us ok. Some things there are no recovering from...

I am a mess. I was so strong, I don't know how his words could do this to me. I can feel that he is done and that there is no chance to get him back.

There is going to be a long road for personal recovery for me. I was always so sure he would come back into the marriage because he loved me and still says he does. I guess I was wrong.

I guess now I just need to live and stop worrying about this broken relationship.

From what you posted, it appears he is still babbling. Mine tried hard t/b composed as he was telling me it was over.

What you need t/d is id your personal and M boundaries. Remember who is talking, not a real H more like one with a WS mindset.

If you are going to fall apart, make sure it is for someone who is worth it not for someone with a WS mindset.

JMHO,
L.

You are selling yourself short. Tell him to go live wherever - it's not your problem. One of the benefits of being married is living together. Your husband wants the benefits and none of the work. Protect yourself. Talk to your counselor. I can't think of a worse situation.

When my ex left, he spent all of our savings, all of his retirement, we went backrupt and lost everything. But at least I still had the chance to make a nice life for myself.

By the way, he is begging to come back now. But I've moved on to another relationship. That would never have happened if I let him take up my valuable time and space.

It's hard to turn my back when he talks to me everyday. I have a hard time not answering and ignoring. I know I need to for myself. I feel like such an idiot sometimes.

I forgot to mention this but my inlaws called ME right after the holidays. They said that they loved me and missed me. I know they are hoping things still workout between us. Sometimes I wish parents slap some sense back into their adult children. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> It never seems to happens though.

Anyway, thanks for the support gang while I get my life in order.

Please be sure to check out the goddess thread.

Zora, sweetie, my FWH said almost the EXACT same words to me, verbatim. We are in our 4th year of recovery. On the day he said those words, I would have never believed we would ever make it. I didn't have MB. You do. Hang in there!

Zora, I don't know your whole story but everything that came out of his mouth is straight from the wayward script. All of it.

My H said things that mirror what your husband said to you too, when he left and was in an affair. This was a little later down the road after the initial separation. H seemed pretty resolved in his feelings too. But the affair died, I did a plan A imitation (didn't know about mb) and he came back.

What he said is pretty typical wayward babble in my opinion.

I dunno anymore. Sometimes I think I'm looking back and painting a rosey picture that things were ever good between us at all. We always had a rocky relationship and it has never been easy between us. I used to fight him with so much and cry over so much even before things became bad with us.

Has anyone else here ever turned around a once rocky relationship?

You know to amazes me. I saw my H today because we traded dogs. He asked me to go for a long watch on the beach with the sdogs and him and then invited me to dinner.

During dinner he said to me, I hope this isn't giving you hope, because there is no hope. This will enver work because I don't want this marriage.

I had no reaction on the outside. She disgust on the inside. Are WHs really this self centered?

He keeps telling me how sad he is that his time at the place he moved to is over. Like I want to hear this? Jeez.

Just needed to vent.

Can anyone comment on this?

That is normal thinking for a BS. After D-day, all I wanted was my husband back, and under almost any conditions. As I was more alone, I started looking more at the marriage. I always felt fairly happy, but not necessarily because of the marriage. It just seemed like we were going through the normal things.

Now I look back and realize that it wasn't such a great marriage after all.

Take your time, and keep looking at what you had and what you want to have in the future.

I have been looking at the whole relationship more and more lately. Some of the things I look abck on make me so angry.

He left because things went wrong after more or less 1 year, couldn't take it anymore, didn't love me anymore, blh blah blah.

I look back on the 7 years of our relationship before we got married and think of all the things I did for him. Looking back I gave and gave and gave, with usually nothing in return. I would always drive to his apartment to see him, I can count on one hand the amount of times he drove to mine, I would do his homework and help him with school projects, I got him his first job, I always planned stuff, he never wanted to go out to dinner with me, or to a movie, he just always wanted his friends there. We would make plans and he would ditch me and leave me hanging to go to the bar.

We used to fight and argue over the amount of time he spent with his friend and how much he drank. And now that is what he has gone back to. Since he moved out in July my WH has put on 40 lbs!!!!!! I know it's from the drinking.

Don't get me wrong, there were some fun times and alot of laughter, but I have alot to complain about from before we were married.

I guess if you keep getting knocked down over and over you stop standing up and that's what happened to me about two years ago. I gave up on the relationship and didn't realize it. Now he looks back over a year and throws it all in my face.

I think I am starting to see MY FOG lift and maybe the reason I want to keep this marriage is because I am afraid to be alone. *sigh*

Does anyone have a good copy of a plan B letter?I think I'm getting to angry and bitter, it is finally time for plan B I think. Just can't seem to get started on the letter.

I hope you won't try to stay with him just because you are afraid of being alone, because you won't be alone. There are lots of nice guys out there, and many that are around your age.

Why don't you edit your thread title to request Plan B letter examples? There are some good ones and it is a lot easier to start with one and tweak it.

Z,

You are viewing things from a different POV. Please read the link in my sig line about the stages of grieving. It will help you see what stage you are experiencing. Then you can see what else you may experience and you can get better prepared.

Hope this helps.
L.

Geez, I thought I was angry before. Now I am really angry!

Thanks Orchid! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sorry about that.... now you know where you stand. Let's help you move forward. There is light at the end of this A tunnel, you know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Does anyone find it strange that my WH wants a D so badly he has not told his parents about it? He talks to his mom everyday and has not told her?

Is it typical of WS to not share information like this with their family?

My H keeps pressuring me that it's time to sell the house. We need to move on, blah, blah, blah. We need to make joint decisions.

I told him to leave me alone and that I needed to just be for a while. I'm not sure he gets the message.

I feel like I failed plan A. I know I could have done a better job at it than I did.

Why am I so stupid that I have not gone to plan B yet?