If I am in the wrong forum, then please tell me so! I'll try to be short. Me and my now ex were married for 10 years and have 2 very young children together (8 y/o & 2 y/o). We had a very rocky marriage and we were both to blame. When I was 8 1/2 months pregnant, my husbnad began having an affair with someone that he met in a bar. It turned into a long term affair. I found out because of repeated infections that I kept getting that is so not normal for me. We had already talked about getting divorced when his affair began. We tried to reconcile but his affair never ended so we got divorced. He continued seeing the OW for quite some time after our divorce. Their relationship was very rocky also. She blames him, he blames her (I had a long talk with her). They broke up in July '07. I had no idea they had broken up. I had had no contact with him whatsoever during our divorce and afterwards. But, I contacted him by text message asking him if he wanted to have dinner with me and kids sometime. He came over that very night and immediately moved back in. Things went ok in the beginning, but I could tell something was not right with him. He stayed with me and the kids for 6 months. I had made a lot of changes and had told him that I was willing to do what it took to make this work, including counseling. He grew more and more distant. He hardly wanted to ever be intimate and when we were I felt that it was just sex to him, not making love like it was to me. I asked him to marry me this past Christmas Eve. He said yes. Then I asked him if we could do it on our anniversary (Valentines Day) and he said yes. He grew even more distant and I knew he didn't want this. I asked him to leave and told him why. I told him that I loved him and wanted this to work but I knew he didn't. He left and now won't hardly talk to me. He has been gone 2 weeks. He keeps sending me messages telling me what I need to do to make this work. He says he wants to work on this, but I don't see it. I told him that I have no other choice but to let this go because it's not fair on me to put my life on hold for him to decide if this is what he really wants. He answered, "that's YOUR choice. Just don't go around telling everyone that I left you"! My instincts are telling me that he is just playing a sick game right now. I wanted this to work so bad. It would have been best for the kids also. My heart is broken because he got all of our hopes up that we were family again and that this would work. Am I right in my thinking to move on with my life? Or should I just patiently wait on him to work on himself like he says he needs to do. He says that he needs to learn to wake up by himself and be happy before he can be happy with someone else. Please give advice.

I think your instincts are telling you the right thing. He is not commited to you in any fashion. He is what we call a FREELOADER. He is just around for a free ride until his mood changes to move on. That kind of attitude is not good for you or your children and it will always result in a collapse of the relationship. Much better to accept the truth and act accordingly.

And if he DOES make a dramatic change in the future, you can take a second look if you are still available. Unless that happens, you would be better off accepting there is nothing here for now and focusing on building a good life for you and your children WITHOUT him.

sorry you are here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I agree with the Mel 100%.

I am sorry you are going through this. Work on getting your life in order and feeling good about you. When that happens, you will never accept "crumbs" again.