During the many years we were together my H and I had many friends that were and are still single. A few have married but most are still single or not in a commited relationship.

Over the last several years my H has become friends with several people at his work place that are either divorced or single. I chose to be cordial but not necassarily friendly to the ones I did not like. Specifically the ones that I could forsee were 'trouble'.

At some point I think his friends drove a wedge between us and he started picking them over me more or less because I rejected 2 or 3 that like I said, I got a bad vibe about. I knew they talked about me in a critical way to my H because he told me that at the time.

I have single friends myself, but none have gotten in the way of the M like these friends of his. None of my friends have EVER been critical about my H to me to my face.

I was wondering if anyone else has encountered a similar situation?

How do you get the WH to stop following the influences, or advice of these 'friends'?

I personally feel that your husband would be offended if someone disrepects the wife he is hopefully valuing (sp?). And I would hope that he would ask his friend not to offend him in that way. If they didn't stop, why would he want to hang around with someone like that?

If my husband wanted to continue to hang around with someone like that, I'd want to know why.

Edited to add: I'm not poking at you. I am agreeing with you. I was being sarcastic. Your husband should be offended if anyone disrepects you in front of him.

I believe that any friend - married or single - can cause problems in a M if the H and W allow it. A good M has H and W on the same page about who they associate with and how. POJA is the way to deal with potentially harmful friends. If that isn't possible, then enforcing a strong set of boundaries is required.

Oh, Yes. Definately. My H has many divorced guy friends, and some perpetually single guy friends.

The divorced guy friends:
1) Want him to go to the strip club, the pool room, the pick-up bar.
2) Are jealous that WE are still married (these are long-time friends that we did vacations, weekly dinners and parties with, as couples).

And the single guys, well, they like to brag about their recent sexual conquests, and the fact they can do as they please...when in fact I will say almost without fear of retribution, they wish with all their heart (most, anyway)they had a loving warm wifey to come home to.

This fact has been revealed to me on many occaisions (I am someone people tend to tell personal things to).

The worst of which is a freind of ours who really went off the deep end after his wife left him.

We went to a Christmas party with this fellow and his now-GF....and he says awful things to me...and it occured to me that he has been trying to make trouble b-tween my H and I.

My H very much "went to bat" for me...but I know this guy is hurting...when he sees me he is reminded of his ex-wife.

For a time I was pretty pissed at him...I feel sorry for him. I told him it's time to stop playing martyr, a M falls apart because of BOTH PEOPLE..and it was time for him to take responsibility.

He happens to be a very arrogant guy, and until he SEES this in himself, sadly his new relationship will fail.

I also directed him to this site <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />