I am in the process of divorcing my husband - found him cheating on me. I want him out of my life. I can figure out how to move on and take care of our 2 children.

I found a message from his lover on the internet website - Zabasearch. She was talking to her cousin - looking for an old flame, missing him, and always thinking about him on his birthday. Asking him to have him contact her. This is going on while having the affair with my husband.

Do I show the message to my husband? I told him that she was a player. Now I have proof. But do I care? I can't forgive him for his betrayal. Although this is almost a "watch out" for him - why should I care if he gets his heart broken. Would it change anything between him and me?

Would you show it to him? If I do, can this be held against me at all in our divorce process that I found this info while searching the internet?

I vote to tell him.

Even if you don't want to save your marriage, you don't want the harpy around your children.

Are you sure there is no chance you'd be willing to reconcile with your WH once he ends his A?

You could show it to him but he will just defend the OW. That's what they do. I let my ex know that I saw the OW coming out of a neighbor man's house at 5:00AM. He didn't believe it, told me she wasn't like that, blah, blah, blah. He found out the hard way, and we are DIVORCED.

Oh yes, I would show him. Just tell him how sorry you are and give him the information.

Sally,
I say Show him...but only if you realy want to save the marriage...


If you truely want to move on then showing him the message is just a way of getting back at him and hurting him...A little jab at him to make you feel better... the thing is...it won't make the pain go away...you'll still hurt...

If you want to show him... show him for the right reason... because you want to save the marriage...Not in a vindictive mean way... but in a way that is truely reflective of wanting to save you're marriage...



Just from what I've read... you don't seem sure about what you want... one minute you want him out and the next you want to show him the message in an attempt to break him up with the other woman...

You need to STOP... Take a deep breath... and figure out what it is you want.... Divorce... or TRY to save your marriage...

Never say never... forgiveness isn't for him its for you...You can't forgive him now but in time... You may be able to...

There is a reason besides reconciliation - not having her children around an ucky affair.

I understand wanting to protect kids... and not wanting them to learn life lessons from an affair... They don't just learn from one parent... They also learn from how the other parent handles and reacts to it...

but that's kinda like saying...I'm going to show you this letter in for the benifit of the kids...

wrong reason...

If her husband won't move out or stop the affair then filing for divorce in order to get a legal separation...(must include a NC clause for OW around kids) Makes more sense to me...

JMHO Neak...

BTW I was reading your story the other day...cudo's...

My opinion is that any chink in the A will cause it to crumble sooner, which will return him to normal status instead of alien sooner, which will be only to the benefit of the kids.

I have not seen a wayward yet who was a good parent, even when the OP wasn't being brought around the kids. They are angry and hostile, easily provoked, do not consider the actual needs or well-being of the children, and are just horrible people.

All hope of recovery aside, that's not the sort of person most people would want around their kids. So the sooner he gets his brain back from the aliens, the better for all.

Which is my .02 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> No hard feelings that it is different from your opinion.

Thank you...some days it's hard to believe all that happened to me, but I have the battle-scars to prove it. I can't believe how much I don't remember unless something reminds me. It used to be I remembered every moment of it, all the time - quite a mental load. Glad to have put much of that down.

First off - I love you all. Thanks for making my day <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Support is the best medicine for a broken heart.

I love the alien comments. So true. I have no idea who this man is. He went to Iraq and came back a sick twisted power-hungry man. Not what I married. This is one of the reasons why I am running away from this trainwreck as fast as I can and divorce him to protect the children and myself.

As for the affair and telling him about what I found. I asked him this morning if he thinks this woman has been faithful to him while he was in Iraq. He said he thought so. I told him that I have proof that she was not emotionally faithful and I had proof. He asked how I knew. I said the internet is not a hard tool to figure out. I did not show the proof to him. I then said how funny I thought it was that his wife was faithful to him for 1.5yrs while he was at war and his lover was not. I then walked away.

I do still love the man I married. But this man is not him. This man invited a pretator into our lives. Even if he leaves her now, how do I know she will not stalk the children or me. I asked my husband if he has watched Dangerous Liaisons lately. I told him that I can not forgive the fact that he allowed this evil to come into our home. He made the decision to kill our marriage. I am just trying to pick myself up and move forward with my life.

Time does heal. I know. Just wish it would not hurt so much right now.