Hi,
Well, I'm not really sure where to begin and please forgive me if I don't get all of the "codes" right, but I'll try my best.
I guess the best way to start is to post the following anyonymous letter I received in the mail one week ago today.
The letter was postmarked from PA and we (H and I) live in VA.
THE LETTER
Dear Hopefulone23 (me)
I'm afraid I must inform you that your husband xxxxx has been having an affair for the last 5 years with a woman in xxxxx (city) Pennsylvania.....she is an old high school friend and they linked up at a class reunion---not the most recent one but the one 5 years before that!!!
Her name is xxxxx xxxxx. Perhaps you should contact her husband to find out if he knows what is happening. I would imagine his number is in the phonebook under his name-xxx. If either one of you would check out their spouses cell phone bills you would see that they text and talk on the phone on almost a daily basis. It is a shame what they are doing and how they are making a fool of their respective marriages and their spouses.
Perhaps you don't care but I would think you have more pride than to allow this to continue going on---think about your son and your business......put a stop to this infidelity now... END OF LETTER
Of course the letter was typed with no return address, date, etc.The first thing I did was contact the OW's husband as was suggested in the letter. I googled his name and actually found his cell number and called him that day.
He was very nice to me on the phone and actually told me that he knew my husband's name right away when I said it because he was aware that my H and the W (his wife) had been in contact as "friends." He told me that about 3 years ago he'd accidentally seen a "questionable" email from his wife to my H and confronted her about it and she assured him they were just friends. Apparently the email was details about the OW's marriage.
The OW's husband said he would confront her regarding this letter and get back to me asap. He did call me that evening after speaking with his W. He said he's absolutely sure that nothing went on based on logistics (two different states) and that he believes they have just been good friends.
My husband's family lives in PA, same town as this OW. And he has gone there on numerous occassions to visit his family, sometimes without me, however he has ALWAYS asked me to go along. He stays with his parents and usually brings our son, so there would be limited time for him to be having a PA with this OW
Okay, now this is where it gets REALLY strange.....I'm the type to leave no stone unturned and was determined to find out who wrote the letter. My husband doesn't keep in touch with anyone in PA other than his family, and obviously the OW, so we know it wasn't anyone he knows there. He called the OW to tell her about the letter and she said she was SO upset and thinks it was one of her friends who has a crush on her H and was trying to destroy their marriage.
Now......how odd that this supposed "friend" would send a letter to ME personally at my business address in another state, which is only obtainable on my website, and try to ruin my life and marriage as well. Not only that, but the way she chastises me at the end of the letter is more of a woman scorned than a friend trying to get back at her.
Plus, the specific details in this letter are NOT details that she would give to her supposed "friend" unless she had romantic feelings or desires towards my husband and was confiding in a friend, but even then, it's questionable, especially the part about my "son and business."
So.....after putting many clues together and contacting a few of my H's male friends who were at both high school reunions, I, my mom, brother, sister and two psychologists who have all read this letter and listened to 2 voice mails this OW left on my cell phone, we have all come to the conclusion that the OW actually wrote the letter.
Regardless, my husband still admittedly had and EA with this woman, however, we believe that she wanted it to become a PA and my husband did not, so she conceived this elaborate scheme to try and break up our marriage and maybe hers as well to fulfill her fantasy of riding off into the sunset with my H.
Our marriage has been on the rocks for several years. We'll be married 20 yrs in March and were together 7 years before that, and have an 11 year old son. We had been to a lot of marriage counseling in the past, but I was reluctant to go again because it never seemed to get anywhere.
However, we had just started counseling again roughly about 3 weeks before this letter came in the mail, so the timing certainly makes sense with this OW. It was actually my H that insisted on going to counseling and he's been pushing me for quite sometime, so he clearly wants the marriage to work and I know he loves and cares for me deeply.
It's a very complex situation, and I'm deeply hurt that he hid this EA from me for nearly 5 years!!! however, in a way I think it's a blessing in disguise that this letter came. Otherwise, I think we would have definitely ended in divorce because my husband refused to look at or acknowledge his issues and responsibility in our marriage declining.
For this first time ever, he is finally realizing his faults because this letter and situation basically pulled the rug out from under his feet so fast he didn't know what hit him, nor did I!
There's a part of me that still doesn't 100% believe that there was no PA, and I've repeatedly given him opportunities to divulge to me if that did happen, but I don't know if I'll ever find out for sure.
He immediately agreed to cut off all contact with her and had no problem whatsoever with turning over his emails and cellphone records for the past year to me. I've looked through the emails but we have to get the cellphone records through his company since it's a business phone and we don't get the bills.He claims they were in contact a few times a week on average, so we'll see if that's the case once I see the cellphone records.
There were a few emails from her to him like "Hi you handsome man,"..... and a forwarded email titled "the sex fairy," however I didn't see any reciprocation on his part to those type of emails.
From what I can gather, this woman was so drunk at the last reunion and was coming on to not only my husband but some other men as well. When I contacted his two friends about this they both said they could definitely see her writing this letter, and they didn't feel that my H had a PA with her.
Anwyay, I feel like I've been living in the "TV movie of the week," as it's just all so bizarre!
Would love to hear suggestions for moving forward.
Thanks so much!
Hopefulone
