Why do they defend them?

Is there an article on this site that explains why?

They have to. The OP is their partner in crime. What crime? The crime against the family.

As long as they retain the WS mentality, expect the Ws to defend the OP at the expense of the family. Sad but true.

Do you know what the BS can do to overcome that obstacle?

L.

I know, Orchid...it is sad. It just baffles me as to why they would defend them...OW text me on Christmas Day "Merry Christmas to you and the babies". Told WH , didn't believe me.

Hmm..no, not really.

you should have showed him the text so he could see where it came from.

my ex actually told me one time "ow and i are good people" barf! i said "yes, you are every mother's dream"

as orchid said, they have to defend their partner in crime.

mlhb

M1L

As Orchid infers, sustaining an affair is all about self-delusion.

To begin with the rush of getting ENs met by this person can cause WS to extend that good association out to every part of OPs life and personality.

i.e. if he makes me feel so good about myself, he must be ENTIRELY fantastic, and THEN of course I can justify to myself cheating on my spouse and hurting my children

Squid told me " If you got to know OM you'd like him. everybody does".

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Also OM was a three-times divorcee with 2 of those ex wives wife coming from marriages he helped break up.

Squid told me "He was just unlucky in love until he met me."

See ?

If OM is just a regular bloke, who has no compunction about having an A, or even a womaniser then WW must be deluded, or not a good person to be involved with him.

And wayward swill do almost anything to avoid feeling bad about themselves.

That is why WS defend OPs IME.

If it helps, sometime after withdrawal most FWS "crash" and the reality of what they risked everything for comes pouring on their heads and they feel like dirt.

All blessings

Good post. Helps put things in perspective.
Here's hoping that all of our WS's "crash" as Bob puts it...
This, I believe, would really go a long way toward REAL recovery.

If Mimi was here, and I MISS her... She would say because they are SICK and ICKY...

The say things because they NEED their DRUG. They need that FEELING of the DRUG and will do whatever they can to GET IT.

Remember they are aliens... SICK, TWISTED and out of TOUCH WITH REALITY.

In my limited moments of strength I can truly grasp, they say things because then they don't have to look at themselves because if they did, they would not believe it.

LOL

you channeled Mimi

I really thought it was Mimi, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Ok, I'm getting it now.
Gosh, it's pathetic!!

But with what Orchid asked...what can the BS do about it?

A BS has a lot of tools at their disposal. First it is good to identify the goal.

Here are some examples of good BS goals:

1. Remove the BS and family from the A triangle.
2. Give the WS back their guilt.
3. Get back your real spouse and parent.
4. Make personal and marital improvements.
5. Protect your family and your finances from the Ws and OP.

You can probably think of more. Then we can find what tools can work best for you.

L.

Unfortunately, Love, not a darn thing...

They've gotta get it on their own...

They ALL say the same thing...

BP nailed it--they are defending themselves and their own actions, not OP, per se... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Thank God WW never said anything like "OM's a good person"...I think I would have just throttled her right then... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Past all that, though...OM's a POS, no matter how "nice" he is, and her defending him is just babble...

I too focused too much on OM, and have wasted much Plan A energy in doing so that could have been more constructively spent on WW...

WSs... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

L2F

WW told me that OM was amazing. I wanted to vomit. From then on, when speaking to my buddy about the situation, OM was referred to as Captain Amazing.

The best part about Captain Amazing is that he is SO amazing that he called WW 2 weeks ago yelling at her that what they did was wrong and told her to never call or e-mail him again. Apparently, she barely got a word in edgewise. AMAZING!!!