He moved back to the same tropical country where we lived for 8 years. The same place we had our children. We moved back to our home country two years agao and I fear his heart never left. He met his GF there on his last business trip. She worked the front desk at the hotel where he stayed. I know what true love is. I accepted him for who he was. He's admitted to her that he does not beleive in unconditional love. And looking back I'd agree with him. Nothing he did came without a string. He'd tell me to get a social life, to not count on him, well I did and he didn't like that.

He says he only feels guilt when he looks at me, no love, no passion. That hurts but I attribute it to the fog. I miss him dearly, the real man I married, not the devil's spawn he has become. I miss holding him, sharing hings with him. As much as he has rewritten history I know it is just the fog.

And lo and behold I got his other cc bill and that is maxed out too. Can't he see what this has done to him. Is he really happy?

And let's be real. 90% of the relationship has been online. They have spent mayb 2 weeks together since they met. How real is that? Let see how she feels when he has no $$ left to wine and dine her, or when he doesn't deposit his paychecks or when he starts lying to her. In fact he has already lied several times because he has been fooling around with me when he's not with her. What kind of foundation is that? I look forward to the day the fantasy ends.

he says to her in an email that my kids will love her, that she's a great negotiator. No amount of negotiation will help her when the kids realize who and what she is and what she has done to our family. I have accepted my share of what led to the affair but she actively pursued a marriage man and is now proudly announcing her engagement to him.

He fully expected me to kick him to the curb after D-Day but I didn't I plan A'd. I know it would've been easier to do that and it would have made all of my friends happy. Now though, it's time to Plan B time to show him what life is like without all of us. The cake-walk is over.

Its so ironic to look at my wedding ring and see "Love Forever" engraved in it. he did love me. But today it feels like he really meant I lopve you until I find someone better.

I'm sure he's promised to marry her in order to keep her. ****** how else can you keep a young 25 year old in line......

ARG... He sounds like my husband's ex-best friend. We didn't see him often because we lived in different states. When he and his wife moved here and we saw him more we began to realize he was self centered. He also was very fake. Saying things like "sure I will go bike riding tomorrow." knowing he didn't want to. Sure enough he would blow off my husband. It got to the point where my husband would hang up with him and say to me "he isn't going to do it." They were here about a year before we moved away for a year. Then we got back and about 4 months later my husband had enough and ended the friendship. The guy was 41 and was still acting like he was 18. DH realized he wasn't a real friend anyways.

Since we've been in this town for 2 years he has made ZERO friends. And I have tried. He just makes NO EFFORT. He has no idea how to nurture a friendship unless it suits him. He has written off everyone. Sad man. The only friends he likes are the ones he left in the country he's gone back to. Superficial friendships based on sports. Mind you he has always been able to maintain female friendships. I'm sure this is how this affair started. When we lived overseas he went out a lot and wondered why I never went with him. Well that's because he was jealous if I talked to any males, yet he could tak to other mates' GFs and I was supposed to be OK with that. He could get totally drunk and obnoxious and I would have to suck it up. I just stopped putting myself through the embarassment. Plus once we had kids, I stayed home and he would often go out until 4 in the morning. Then he would surf porn sites online and I was supposed to be OK with that too (when I discovered this I was 8 months pregnant!) It seems I swept a lot of things under the rug in the name of love........all my friends want me to see all of these things and realize that he was never worthy of my unconditional love.........

Well I finally told my kids the truth and it was terribly painful. But it can only get better from here. They can always count on the truth from me. I will be their safe haven. While it was painful it was liberating. I'm not a liar. Now they know we are a team and we will get through this together. As for DH, the kids can determine their future relationship I'm moving on to a dark Plan B. DH and his GF are too busy building Facebook pages for themselves on the same day I am breaking my kids' hearts. (Oh to be 25 and not a care in the world!

Hang in there. Good job on telling your kids.

You are fairly early in this to go to Plan B, but only you know what is in your heart.

I know its early I just can see how to PLAN A when the man is already ENGAGED!

Chances are excellent that he will come back. They almost always do.

Engaged is a little out there, but believe it or not, we've had still married waywards get MARRIED. Legal or not, they want to legitimize their relationship.

I would do a short Plan A - 3 months or so, and then think about Plan B.

But honestly after all he has done, would I want him back> He has become a complete alien. He is not the man I married.

We joke here all the time about aliens. It is like in the movie, "The Body Snatchers" - the alien takes over their body. They look the same, sound the same, but have turned into someone you never knew = and didn't want to know.

Your husband is behaving EXACTLY like they all do.

And he just posted pictures of hm with her on his Facebook page. And guess what they are celebrating their engagement at the same hotel we spent our wedding night IN!

Just a thought, could OW be trying to push the marriage agenda because she wants to use him as a way of getting into the USA legally?

I have several friends caught by the sham marriage scam. In one case the woman was so anxious to leg it once she had the legal papers, she left her child from a previous relationship with him as well as abandoning the one they had together . .

Nope they are both Canadian. He's in a hurry to marry becasue how else will he keep her tied to him unless she gets pregnant. It seems they've marked March 21 2010 as their wedding date. i sure hope the divorce is final by then!!

AS for the kids they are doing well. He is trying to backpeddle with them. They leep asking him why he doesn't love mommy anymore. Guess there's no need for them to know it's because he has a girlfriend.

OK so not a green card chaser but I would still bet anything that she is the one in a rush.

Sure hope the divorce goes nice and sloooooly for them :-)

UC,

Good for you for telling the children the truth. It is important that they understand WHY their family is being ripped apart. Mommies and Daddies don't just "fall out of love".

Your focus is in the right place. They need to know they can trust you, and trust only comes in a relationship based on honesty.

I'm not sure there's much to hang onto in this marriage. He just looks on me with contempt. When the kids ask him why he doesn't love me anymore, he says nothing.

UC,

It's all so typical. All FWS's have to look at us with contempt...otherwise, they would look on themselves with contempt.

Your WS is no different then any of them. He is deep into the fog. Mine was, too. There is always hope.

Do YOU still want this marriage?

Someone (I think MicheleG) asked me once, if the H I had BEFORE the A was worth fighting for. My answer was ABSOLUTELY! He was a wonderful husband pre-affair.

So, how about you? Was your H (pre-affair) worthy fighting for? No one can answer that for you. Only you know.

I would say yes.

Then stick with working the plans, UC. Whether he comes home or not, you will know that you did all you could to save your marriage and restore your family.

You will be able to look your children in the eyes and tell them you fought for their family.

I don't know whether you should do plan A or B at this point. Perhaps, those with more experience can help you discern that.

Are your finances secure? Does he plan to visit the children? Have any arrangements been made? (I'm sorry, sometimes my memory really fails me, and I am having a hard time keeping up with the few stories I am following.)

All is secure. Seems it's plan B time.