Is this the first time she's acted out? If I recall, he's much older? Maybe she thought it was harmless and it got away from her. Again, let the OM's W do your dirty work for you. OM will relieve her of her duties, if you can't get her to voluntarily quit.You've heard this before, this woman has a RIGHT to know what is going on in her marriage.

She's in that fog, where all that matters to her is that jolt of attention. She may not want it to get sexual, but, if left alone, it will. Let that sink in - It will.

Don't mistake fighting for your marriage as weak or hurting her - weak is sitting by letting some other guy have your wife. That would hurt both of you more than anything.

As I said earlier, and as stated by starfish, she is disrespecting you and your marriage. She probably doesn't see it that way, it's just innocent flirting! Right.

You know the truth, now is the time for you to make a plan of action. Plan it, then do it.

Your marriage is at stake.

Star*fish,
She has already admitted to having "minmal and mixed feelings" (her words) about the guy. She knows it hurts me and the marriage very bad. She said it would stop and has not. It has pushed me to the point that I believe that she loves me and cannot stop caring about this guy at the same time! She absolutley inssits that she waants our marriage, and at the same time makes him feel special! I'm so confused that i don't know what to believe anymore...again, this has been a MAJOR PROB for 1 year. Short of an ultimatumn(sp) i don't think she will get it.

FYI.. He is same age 35...I know what needs done, was just hoping she could turn it around herself, Star fish, GF, and Set free, everything you say makes sense to me.

zeke honey....then why is she still working there? Why are you tolerating that? Don't make an ultimatim....enforce good boundaries....and they ARE different (one is protecting you...and one is about controlling her). And I agree with SYF....give this guy's wife a call.

No ultimatums.

Here's how you phrase it - "I love you, and want this marriage. However, I do not believe a marriage will work when one party's feelings are divided. For me, my marriage partner will give me, and only me, her full attention. That attention is not to be shared.

If you want to be that marriage partner for me, then let's do it. However, if you cannot do that, then I choose to not be in a mariiage relationship with you."

That isn't an ultimatum, it's you clearly stating what you desire, and letting her choose to either be a part of it or not.

Yes, if she chooses no it will hurt. But, if she chooses no, is that what you want? I would think not.

Good luck, you are in a tough spot. Our prayers are with you.

You can't believe anything that she says to you about this EA. She is not being truthful with you. You can only look at her actions. So when she describes her "feelings", know that it is a crock and is a foggy statement a wayward is making to the BS. She "says" she would stop, but has not. THis is another prime example of how you cannot listen to what she says to you about this relationship. Look at her actions--she has not stopped. And according to all the research, she is progressing deeper into the EA.

The only way it will stop is with no contact.

Can you describe the current status between the two of you? Does she know that you know about the ongoing nature of the EA?

Is this guy married? or a significant other or girlfriend?

Since her admittance in Oct.that she "HAD" minimal feelings and promised it means nothing, things have seemingly been better, if not really good. But all i know is what i intercept in email. She knows that i am aware of the latest event, she does not know how I know. She says it was just a stupid mistake(again). My wife generally is not a flitatious person at all! Not even with me, just the way she is. But can't help but stroke this guys ego. For her to suggest that giving this guy a massage would be great is SO UNLIKE MY WIFE that i would swear it wasn't her. He is married, used to all be mutual friends till this started happening. She is tells me that she loves me and never wants to be without me and our children and would never do anything to jepordize that, but i feel she is jepordizing us, she would not tolerate this from me, not even for a minute. He also responded in a recent email after giving her a relatively harmless compliment. She replied "thank you", then he replied, "does that mean I'm not shut off". It read like a joke to me, but highly inappropriate. I'm just confused beyond words.

Why keep agonizing over this ... you KNOW the ONLY way for this to end is for your WW to stop working for this guy?

If she won't quit, then its up to YOU to make it happen ... expose to OM's wife!!! You can pick up the pieces from her anger later, AFTER the A has stopped (and yes, based on the email's you've posted, I think most of us see an ongoing PA). Otherwise, you are just punishing yourself, when you haven't done anything wrong.

There you go again. You are listening to what she is telling you about this A as if those words have any shred of accuracy. She is not being honest with you because she is saying things to him that are completly out of her character. She is lying to you to protect her A. I don't know how you want to proceed as far as confronting her and exposing this A, but be assured that you cannot take any stock in her words to you about this situation.

And you are not misreading the situation. You are a smart man. You read the messages that are going back and forth between them and you get an understanding or the foreplay type nature of the messages. You understand what they are doing in the same manner that they know what they are doing. He may be a player that likes to play. She is caught up in it and is betraying your relationship.

So what is your plan? Talk to us about your plan and many here can help you with your plan. Don't doubt what you know. Just move forward with your plan.