I have a friend who has problem with her marriage. She has also been cheating with another man for about 4 – 6 months. She has now stopped the cheating. She is trying to see if she can fixed the marriage for other reason to be in the marrage. She is going to see counseling by her self first, and perhaps bring in her husband later. However, she doesn’t plan to let the counselor or her husband know about the cheating. Will the counseling session work? Will she be able to hide her cheating and still fix the marriage during counseling session?

NO.

No, WW needs to be honest with her BS.

First of all let me say I'm sorry you're here.
But you're in the right place if you want to save your marriage.

The marriage is fixable... But you're going about it the wrong way...

Dr. Harley says... In order for a marriage to recover from an affair and be built into a healthy, loving, lasting marriage there is a very narrow path that the couple must follow. If the wife or the husband strays from that path the chances of recovery and fixing the marriage are not good.

One of the things that must be done in order to recover is radical honesty. Hiding the affair from your spouse is not part of that.

Another part of recovery is taking “Extraordinary Measures” to make sure that there is not a relapse. I.E. If the affair was with a co-worker then the wayward spouse may have to quit his/her job and find another…

You need to read the basic concepts and watch the video on infidelity that is on this website…

Hope this helps... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

One more thing....

If you're worried that your spouse will never forgive you.

Never say Never...Forgivenss is part of the recovery. If your spouse really wants to save the marriage as much as you he will find a way to forgive you...

Thanks for all the replies. She is a little confuse, but has stopped the affair. Will the Therapist be able detect if the affair, even if it is in the past?

Why pay someone for help and then lie to them? You're essentially withholding the tools that would allow them to help you! What is the point?

I agree -if "she" really wants the help, then she has to be totally honest.

Let's see - I'll take my car to the mechanic, but not tell him what really broke it. I'm sure he'll fix it properly.

See?

I would bet that if your friend came here and began to describe what problems she is having in her marriage, most of the vets here would be able to detect the affair...If the MC doesn't, the MC is a moron and has no business being in the business.

JMO...

Mark

I would guess as well that they would at least clue in on the fact that they are not being told the whole story.

If I were a therapist and suspected this I think I would go either one of two ways. I'd either press hard to really try to help the person and view it as a professional challenge, or I would simply view them as a paycheck and assume that they didn't really want or expect help.