|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48 |
I have posted here under need advise here's my story.
Question I have is my H and are I trying to recover but the OW keeps trying to contact H. He has been ignoring her-no response to any method she has tried.
Should he tell her again to leave him alone or continue to ignore?? H said he will do whatever I ask him too.
Please advise....thank you all so much
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245 |
Can't find your old thread just now, so tell me. Did you expose the affair to OW, her family, her work, whatever else?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48 |
The A was exposed to all. The A happened while we were seperated (still)Nc was 2 weeks ago and H has been transparent telling me of all her attempted contact and even having me listen to a voice mail 2 nights ago.
Is it wise for him to contact her in anyway to tell her to stop?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Did he send her a nc letter?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48 |
He did not send NC letter..told her in person--2 weeks ago.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
liaz, he should send her the no contact as outlined in Surviving an Affair. He should write and it should be mailed by you. If that doesn't do the trick, then I would file a restraining order against her.
Can someone post Dr. Harleys nc letter? I am at my office and don't have it here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 237
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 237 |
I would suggest HE never contact her again. I would suggest you do the contact, tell her it is with his knowledge and approval. Him doing it could just bring up old feelings, not a good idea.
If a letter is your choice, you write it. Keeping him from thinking of her at all is your best course of action.
It is rare for a truly happy woman to try and take a child away from it's father.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48 |
Wow I am confused..send the letter or me contact her. I just don't know. I would think that she would get it if he does not respond but...for my piece of mind I feel that maybe he should tell her by phone even with me listening in.
I don't know if I really want to talk to her and if it's me doing the talking she may not believe it.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 237
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 237 |
Since you are concerned about talking to her because you may not want to and she may not believe you, do the letter. He can sign it if necessary, but he doesn't need to read it. Just make sure it is a goodbye letter, not a rip on her letter. The goal is to get her to stop the contact.
It is rare for a truly happy woman to try and take a child away from it's father.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,306
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,306 |
Have him write a letter, short and to the point.
Then change all your phone numbers.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48 |
Do you think him doing it by phone is a bad idea? I just think she needs to hear it from him-very straight and to the point. Done..
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
liaz, HE is supposed to write the letter HIMSELF. That is DR HARLEY'S SUGGESTION. He is not supposed to contact her by phone EVER. He writes the letter and you send it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 4,416
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 4,416 |
i could not find an exact example but here is what i found in an article: I recommend that the final good-bye be in the form of a letter, and not in person or even by telephone.
My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245 |
She needs to receive a certified letter in the mail that she has to sign for - proof for court in case you have to get a restraining order that she received the NC letter. Make it legal. He is in no position to be telling her what to do, he was doing it, too! Make it legal. She'll get the message soon enough when she opens the letter that the two of you have closed ranks and she is outside.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
In the meantime, I would do as Tyk suggested and change your #s or at the very least, EXCHANGE cell phones for the time being. That will slow her down if you answer his phone.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 48 |
Thank you. I will take Dr. Harley's advise & yours <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Thanks, FinallyLrningT2H <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 329
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 329 |
No, write a letter. And mail it with one of those things that she has to SIGN for the letter when she gets it. And keep a copy for yourself. State in the letter that NO MORE CONTACT will be tolerated, and any further contact will warrant a restraining order. Then, if she continues to contact him, follow through. You will have the certified letter to prove to the police what you requested, AND that she got the letter (she has to sign for it). That will be grounds for a restraining order.
Just a thought... but do you TRUST that your H was firm enough in telling her?? Sometimes WH can try to "lessen the blow" and inadvertently CAUSE the continued contact. He needs to be firm and detached, unemotional.
I strongly suggest that you compose the letter together, and if you truly think that this woman is not going to leave you husband alone, then go the certified letter route. Cover your behinds, so that it will be easy to get a restraining order if she decides to continue to be an idiot.
RIM
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Here is a sample no contact letter from Surviving an Affair:
[/quote]
[from SAA, pg 58]
OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.
Sincerely, XXXXX
[/quote]
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,306
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,306 |
I think a letter is very straight and to the point, it is also very impersonal, there is no chance for her to argue about it or fling insults or beg or plead or tell him how much she misses him etc.
|
|
|
|
1 members (Michael Thomas),
350
guests, and
78
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,511
Members72,007
| |
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
|
|
|
|
