How do I get through this? My DH has had dozens of small mostly insignificant EA, mostly texting and emails, some of the women he knew in person and some just from chatting. He has had a few friendships with other women that he has hidden from me. We have been married for 6 years and have 2 kids together. I have never gotten over any one of them. The first one started a year after we started dating. I guess I have researched this site for 6 months now and have tried, but not suceeded to implement Plan A. I just can't look at him the same anymore. Last night I slept on the couch because I looked at his phone records and he sent a text to another women he is in school with and deleted the message from his phone. I have asked him not to do this, that if it nothing why can't I see it, why is it a secret then. He is not able to go one week without sparking some kind distrust in me. I feel like going right into plan B. He does not feel like he has cheated on me and I think if he did he would change in an instant. We have tried counseling, but only worked momentarily. How do I get him to understand. Sorry if this is confusing, I have so many thoughts right now and little sleep...

Thank you
Cherry22

Sorry you have to go through this. He IS cheating, there is no doubt. He is being disrepectful to you, and it doesn't matter why or what he needs from these other women.

And nothing is insignificant. Saying that makes you fall into his deception. If he is hiding it, there is a problem.

Maybe try asking him how he would feel if you did the same. Sometimes that gives the cheater some realistic perspective.

Thank you for replying. I have tried that what would you do in my shoes and I have probably beaten it too long actually. Tonight he yelled at me because it was frustrating him. I just am at a loss. I would be willing to meet every need if I felt he was truely sorry and understood why I feel this way. Why does he get so stubborn and mad at me every time I get mad at him. That is why I think plan b is about the only way for him to see how serious this is. He only sees his needs not being met and I just can't give him all I have because I feel like I have gotten burned every time. I am at the end of my rope.

Can you get by on your own financially? You need to figure out all of the practical stuff before you go to Plan B.

Sounds like he is a serial cheater, and unless he gets help, he is not likely to change.

{{{{{Cherry22}}}}}

My husband was a lot like yours. He didn't think there was anything wrong the stuff he did. But it is wrong. And he is EMOTIONALLY ABUSING you.

Please look up "gaslighting" under wikipedia and read what it has to say about this.

Knowledge is your BEST defense against abuse.

Now. You've said you've been lurking around here for 6 months, right? Have you read all about "emotional needs" and "lovebusters"?. Have you had your husband fill out the emotional needs questionnaire that is free on this site?

If you have already done a really good plan A, I think you should get your ducks in a row quick and go into plan b before you lose your love for this man. But you first have to do a GOOD plan A, or the B may not work.

Does your husband use porn too? Does he spend time on the computer? If yes, please check out RecoveryNation.com. It is a high probability your H is a sex addict if he uses porn often and is a serial cheater. I would consider your husband a serial cheater. I bet there is a lot you do not know.

Have you done any serious spying on him? If not, you definitely need to. If so, what do you have?

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. It is horrible to say the least.

You have much to learn and a lot to gain by being here.