One,

I truly know how hard and painful this is. It's the worst thing that I think someone could ever experience.

One of the hardest and most basic things that I had to understand was that this monster was spewing poison at me every chance he got. DON'T LISTEN TO THEIR WORDS, WATCH THEIR ACTIONS.

They are liars, and will say and do anything.

It's amazing how Waywards have the ability to say the same things as other waywards, almost from script. People on here often say that there is a book written and they all buy it and memorize it.

DON'T believe anything they say.

As for what to do... I can only answer what I have been in my sitch, which is different than yours. Please keep posting and asking questions and find peace in your heart as you move through this ordeal.

I know there will be people along to help give you the answers you are looking for, some who have experience in your sitch. Be patient and trust what you hear on here. It
's a safe a awesome place to be in spite of the circumstances.

Today he had an appt with a minister at church. He decided to say to me he didnt know why. Wanted to know if my opinion of him changed after he said that.

One, take away everything he says....there is NOTHING.
two, he didn't make the appt. Leaves almost nothing to my imagination.

I will never knock a person for trying. Either my expectations are way too high, or Im not getting what I should. Same routine, nothing changed...outside of his disclosures. Could make a person even more confused.

I need to confess something. On the way home one day, the thought (completely disgusted) that he kissed me after putting his mouth on another woman's private parts..kinda caused me to step outta myself.

I almost crashed the car hitting him. I had been real good up until that point. until I remembered the one time I kissed him and could have sworn something wasnt right about what I smelled. I am sorry. At first I was sorry that each time I hit him, there wasn't a butcher knife in my hands. I feel really bad even typing that, but that was how I felt at the moment. Im really an impatient person, so I can only hope I get past this soon. But everything has seemed to slow to a freakin crawl, and its driving me nuts.


BTW, about a year ago, when I found this site. We tried doing the questions. His major Love Buster was that I didn't make enough money for him to do what he wanted.....I think I should have taken the hint back then.

more confused today. Almost to the point of being hopeless. Thanks to everyone who commented, your words helped. There is so much inside my head right now, I dont know what's right, helpful, hurtful, wrong. One minute I believe I can overcome this, only to stare blankly into space the next. Im hurt, and so very angry. I need not be that angry after all we are all free-will agents. Yea. I know I loved him, I love him still. it doesn't matter and that hurts the worse. Out of habit i would lean over and kiss him. habit or fantasy i dunno. I dunno much. Thanks again.

Nothing matters anymore, I give up.

Hey OneLuv1,

I'm sorry that you're hurting... I havn't had time to read your story yet...

Just wanted to let you know that someone was out here and that you're not alone...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Thanks,
My tragedy is no different than countless others. As painful as it has been, it keeps getting worse. Im just waking up to realize that it will never be over, and there is nothing I can to to influence that. In his mind, its my fault, and as of valentines day he: sent vday txt messages to the females on his fone, including one he had relations with, before he said good morning to me. Made my vday a living ******, for no reason at all, and yester insinuated that his infidelities were my fault. I told him to do something cuz i was tired, so that meant contact the OW to see what she was doing, then act surprised cuz i was hurt. if you believe in possessions then yea, he has a lot of demons. I just choose not to fight anymore. If he had shown me at least one reason to fight I could, but he hasn't. Its apparent more now than anything, that I fell in love with someone who doesnt love me, and I doubt he ever did. maybe infatuation, definitely not love. Thanks much for all who tried. Time just aint on myside. Maybe if I said something or reached out before things got this critical, .then maybe. That is not the case, so I gotta live with it as it is.

Thanks again.