Thats whats killing me the most, I understand the how, maybe not the why. I understand the lies, to protect me and not hurt me, but I cant even begin to understand how and why it went on so damn long! She did a great job, nice work hiding it so long. Well now that its out all she wants is me and only me and she is more than meeting my emotional needs plus more. How do I justify 2.5years of lies, my life has been a lie for 2.5years all the good times we had all the trips and the funtimes we had and to know she was sleeping with him too! I cant even look at a picture of us or her that was taken in the last 2.5years and not look at my wifes face and mine and think what a fool I was, she was doing this other guy the whole time. But now 6 weeks after d-day and we are moving only forward, she decided that about 2 weeks ago, no more questions about the past lets gor forward. more latter

Hi,
When you find out how to get past it, please clue me in. I can't but help think all along his friends knew, he knew, I didn't. Im in that place too.

Purchase and read "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley, founder of this site. Another great book, one that can be read together, is "After an Affair" I think by Janis Spring.

Both books give you insight to the whys and wheres of the affairs, and what both partners experience in the aftermath.

Getting to recovery is a difficult path, and it takes sincere effort and focus. It also takes a lot of time, two years or more to find your marriage is fully recovered.

Knowledge is power. Read all you can and learn about the dynamics of this roller coaster ride you find yourself riding. Also, people who have been through this can help you along the way.

Hi Matty,

There is no easy, quick answer to this I'm afraid.

One thread I found (located in the 'Recovery site') particularly helpful was 'Recovery from Long term affairs lasting 4+ years'. Sorry, not sure how to link you directly to the thread but there is a 'search' button at the top of the discussion thread which may help you find it.

I hope it helps with some of the emotions you may have now.

rgds,
Jane

matty,

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. A word of advice though...you might want to stick to one thread so people can follow your story easily.

God Bless and good luck.

Don't expect to get over it so fast. However, she needs to be open with you, not closing you down with, "Let's just move on." Easy for her to say, she was involved the whole time, you just found out. Six weeks is nothing, she MUST remain open to your questions. Just don't ask things you really don't want to know. The why's are good, the sexual details aren't.