For the last 3 months my husband has started to become very critical of me and saying that I had changed. I worried myself sick trying to work out what was going on, and finally decided that he must be feeling guilty and trying to deflect attention from himself.

On Christmas I finally got my answer. He had left his hotmail account logged in and I found email between him and the OP. He was calling her Corazon (heart) and they were taking about practising 69 and using a friend’s house while they were away. It was therefore clear what was going on. She is Colombian, like my husband, and married with teenage children.

Despite the overwhelming evidence he denied it was an affair, only admitting to secret meetings with her. A few days later I found that he had had contact with her again so I told him he had to choose between seeing her and being with me and our daughter. It was so painful to hear him say that if I gave him this ultimatum he would choose her over us. I told him I didn’t really want him to go because I loved him. He told me he would see her but this would be when he was other friends and that it would not secret.

By checking his phone etc I know they speak daily. He has also lied constantly to me to meet up with her. I haven’t challenged him because having a row isn’t I think part of Plan A and I don’t want him to know how I have discovered his lies. He probably thinks he is doing a good job atr pulling the wool over my eyes. My problem is my patience is wearing thin. He is distracted when with me, and less affectionate than before. As things stand he is getting his cake and eat it.

I sent a letter to the MOW’s husband but he hasn’t contacted me so I don’t know what the situation is. My shameless WH is trying to get him involved in a business deal!! I think they like the fact that it gives them a reason for legitimate contact.

I got him to agree to go to a counsellor on Tuesday but if he lies to her what hope to I have?

D-day 24th Dec 07
BS (me) 49
WH 41
M 14 years
DD 12

Welcome and good job contacting the husband. I see you have been reading the MB stuff. Plan A is the starting point, and you need to do that for around 3 months.

Usually contacting the other spouse will put pressure on the affair and it may end. Be prepared to offer proof to the husband.

Don't ask him to choose between her and his family right now, because he will be like every other wayward spouse and choose his affair partner.

How was the marriage before Mrs. Corazon came on the scene?

Expose the affair...it is likely to die a quick death.

Also...DO NOT sleep with your H. You can get a disease and die. Be careful.

Plan A is a starting point...how long would depend on the state of your M pre A.

Thanks. Our marriage obviously wasn't perfect or this would not have happened but not big problems. It started when I has started a new job and was feeling stressed and criticised him for not helping out as she should. I've asked him if I am failing to meet his needs and he says no. She is only a year younger than me but maybe there is something about them both being latinos in exile and poor things married to English! I think he is revelling in the attention and her telling him now marvellous he is. He is desperate to buy a new car which I have said I will not support in terms of getting a loan at the moment because I think he wants to impress her.

I think I will probably have to try and speak to OWH by telephone and/or employ a detective to getr more evidence but she is self employed so it is easy for he to meet him and my WH travels for work sometimes.

Thanks again